Dear gods of Dust Bunnies and Puppy Dog Tails (I know longer beseech the one true God concerning football matters, for though he may care about all men, he has proved time and again that he cares nothing about sports. Also, the Gridiron god does nothing but laugh in our faces; therefore Ill try something new),
I implore you, on my birthday, to see the Texans through a victory today. It is not for me who I ask, but instead for the hungry huddled masses of this great country of Texas, who not only deserve a winning season, but all the Kool-Aid we can possibly drink. Only can I comfortably sip and know this team is for real if they come away with a victory today. I love them, oh gods, you know I do, but give me a sign that the buy week will be a happy one.
Forgive me of my sins. I know I was in New Orleans last year when Glover Quin gift wrapped one for another Florida team. So, forgive me, please.
I know we are supposed to pray for our enemies, but this time may the Tampa Bay fans burn in Hell, for just this one day. Lords, you know they cannot sell out their stadium, and they cant even maintain a respectable message board; so they deserve this. Sure, they have the Salvador Dali Museum, but we have the Orange Show.
Amen.