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A Light-Hearted Mock Draft

gwallaia

gwallaia

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The following Mock Draft is a light-hearted response to the countless serious Mock Drafts that are out there. I will add a few each day.

With the 1st pick in the draft, the San Fransicso 49ers select Mr. Green Jeans

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No surpise here, the 49ers select Mr. Green Jeans as expected. Jeans is clearly the best QB in the draft this season and the 49ers sorely need a leader. Jeans will provide leadership and a cannon for an arm. His mobility in the pocket will keep opposing defenses on the ropes. Move over Vick, Green Jeans is on the scene.
 
With the 2nd pick in the draft, The Miami Dolphins select Greg Brady

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With Jeans off the board, the Dolphins pick the #2 rated QB on the boards. Brady, no relation to Tom Brady, possesses pin-point accuracy and phenomenal range. ie: Marcia's broken nose. He is sure to surpass all of Marino's records in Miami.
 
With the #3 pick, the Cleveland Browns select

John Kerry, QB/WR

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With the new regime coming in, the Browns were in need of a franchise QB and by selecting John Kerry (who did win 3 purple hearts) they feel this was the best player available at their selection as well as extremely versatile. The attempted "catch the ball with his eyes closed" made it clear he could play QB and WR at the same time, since he did win 3 purple hearts.


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As an added bonus which the team did not initially realize, Kerry can also contribute as a long snapper.

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The Chicago Bears, at #4 select:
Joe Horn's Cell Phone- WR
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One of the most anticipated recievers in the draft and in a few years. Being around football at a young age, he was a student of the productive New Orleans reciever ,Joe Horn, following him around everywhere he went. He does not shy away from the media and some question his problematic past when he participatedd in Joe Horn's endzone celebration. Although another knock on him is that he has a tendency to lose some receptions and conduct his own play calls, his versitile and metallic-like frame makes him a very solid #4 pick for the Bears.
 
With the #5 pick in the draft, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers select:

David Hasselhoff

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With the remainder of his fanbase following in Germany, David played in a few pick-up soccer matches in Berlin.
And after cutting Martin Grammatica earlier in the season, the Bucs are looking for a "well oiled machine"....leg wise.
 
The Tennessee Titans select Donald Trump

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This is a very questionable pick by the Titans. Although, considering their owner is a pudding head, it is not that surprising. Trump could very well buy the team and move it out of Possum Holler. Expect the Titans to be relocated to Las Vegas and become known as the Gamblers as soon as Trump takes over.

HEY BUD! YOU"RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!
 
The Oakland Raiders select....
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O.J. Simpson

Sure he's been out of the game for awhile, but he's proven time and time again he's got the strength and reputation to intimidate opposing defenses. After a brief flirtation with Ricky Williams the Raiders decided it was in their best interest to go with a more 'likeable' RB with his teammates. He brings a whole new dimension to the 'cut back' style running game in Oakland.
 
The Green Bay Packers select an Ooopma Loompa
trade with Cardinals
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Ooompa Doompa ooompa da dee, the Packers get a great pick indeed.

Excellent choice here for the Packers. These feisty little devils are impervious to the cold and will tame the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field. Small, quick, agile and a little bit scary, Ooompa Loompas are nearly impossible to block. Their ankle biting techniques will bring down the biggest of quarterbacks.
 
With the 9th pick in the 2005 NFL Draft, the Washington Redskins select......

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Jabba the Hut

Word out of Washington is under achieving left tackle Chris Samuels could become a cap casualty. Coach Joe Gibbs, once renouned for his "Hogs" back in the day, chooses to make Hut a new Hog.

And despite not having the quick feet of a protipical NFL left tackle, or any feet at all for that matter, Jabba's sheer girth will give him a significant advantage over the likes of the Strahan, Kearse, and the other feared pass rushers of the NFC East. One problem which Coach Gibbs will need to address is Jabba's penchant for drawing an inordinate amount of yellow laundry with his illegal tongue to face penalties. With Jabba eating up defenders, quarterback Patrick Ramsey should find himself with time to find open receivers and running back Clinton Portis many lanes to run through.
 
The SNL Spartan Cheerleaders. In Detroit, they have drafted every position in the first and all it has gotten them is one playoff victory since 1957. Ouch.

Lions CEO Matt Millen says "We have had two constants since 1963 in this organization, William Clay Ford as the owner and no cherleaders. Mr. Ford ws kind enough to think outside the box when he hired me so I can do that dor him. I just hope it turns out just as well as my hiring."

Coach Steve Marriuci was heard saying ". . . this is exactly what this teams needs, a shot of spirit. Those two can really cheer. I know that they may not have had much success in their high school and it is a big jump, but they will be fine."

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Steve Urkel, after the retirement of Woodson, the great Dallas FS, Dallas decided to jump on the best DB in the draft. Even though he seems to be a little uncoordinated, Urkel hits like Ray Lewis and has the hands of a WR, he will fill the need for a ball-hawk in the middle of that Dallas defense.


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Trading picks with the Texans, the Vikings use the 13th pick to select
Tony the Tiger

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Despite arguments from the other NFL teams, Paul Taglibue approves Minnesota's selection of Tony the Tiger. There is no written rule in the NFL rules prohibiting animals from playing in the league. It is not unprecedented however, most will recall Gus the Kicking Mule playing in the NFL for the now defunct Atoms.

Tony the Tiger should prove to be dominating as linebacker, he is after all, a 500 pound bengal tiger with a 2.9 40. Not only that, Tony has 12 essential vitamins and minerals and is part of a complete breakfast.
 
Mel Kiper reports that rumors are circling that Cincy is targeting Jar Jar Binks in the Draft. with JJ on board it gives the franchise some credibility and dispells any rumors (with the fans) that they ARE trying to win and compete in the NFL after years of being bottom feeders... Rumors also are circulating that Jar Jar could be the the 1st person to be a GM/player in the league
 
With the 14th pick in the 2005 NFL Draft, the Carolina Panthers select.... BOB! (TE)

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Bob wasnt going to declare for the draft, but with a call to Enzyte and a fresh new burst of confidence, he found himself bulking up and preparing for a loooooooong season. Now bob is the new TE for the Carolina Panthers, and his BIG 1st round draft pick contract has him throbbing with an incredible desire to play the game. Yes, Bob is living large down in Carolina, thanks to Enzyte.
 
that may very well be the funniest thing i have ever seen on this message board...thanks bro.....i have to go to the hospital now. i cracked a rib.
 
Mel Kiper Jr has reported that the Texans are looking to draft a "king" @ #18....with his basketball career continuing to skyrocket,LeBron James still wants to play WR in the NFL...and the Texans reportedly have interest...stay tuned to see what the Texans do @ 18. Houston will have to find a jersey thats only fit for a king.
 
With the 15th pick in the 2005 NFL Draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select...


1i0ewm


Tony Danza


A strong pick for the Chiefs, Danza decided to give up his acting and boxing careers to pursue his dream of playing WR in the NFL. "We feel that Tony will be able to help us throughout the season. His speed and witty sense of humor is the missing piece of our puzzle," Cheifs President Carl D. Peterson said after the pick was made. When asked if he felt that his presence would be felt thoughtout the league, Danza replied, "Definately. I'm the boss!"
 
With the 16th pick in the 2005 draft, the New Orleans Saints select...

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The Waterboy. Luck must've been on their side today b/c no one moved up to snatch their "hometown" guy this year.

Anyway, they needed to fill 2 holes on their team, so this pick was a no brainer. The Waterboy will give them the playmaker they desperately need on their LB corps, and he'll give his team a boost in stamina thanks to his "aquatic engineering" skills.
 
With the 17th pick in the 2005 NFL Draft, the Cincinnati Bengals select

LB Terry Tate

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The Bengals pass up Jar Jar Binks due to character issues, but in acquiring Tate, they have finally got the kick in the butt they need on and OFF the field. Not only will he destroy opposing running backs at linebacker, but he will also keep the front office in check when it isn't gameday.
 
With the 18th pick in the 2005 NFL Draft, the Houston Texans select...



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Don King

Well, Mel Kiper Jr. was right about the Texans drafting a "King", but I think Houston was sending the wrong message. Ever since his teenage years in Cleveland, King has had the dream to play in the NFL. As a center for the local community college, King played all 4 seasons without a botched snap. Although the NFL will take up some serious time out of his life, King will still be promoting upcoming title fights. When asked how he'll be able to juggle both professions, King smiled and said "Only in America!"
 
The Arizona Cardinals have consistently been one of NFL's worst franchises. Their draft selection at the #19 spot provides a clue to why.

Wile E. Coyote??

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This self-proclaimed Super Genius is about as dumb as they come. He spends his entire life chasing a bird only to be out-smarted and out-manuevered every time. What were the Cardinals thinking?

Dennis Green feels Wile E. will fit into the Arizona defensive backfield and provide them with the defensive stopper they need. This is a terrible pick and the Cardinals have wasted yet another #1.
 
gamble by the cards... my thoughts are that wiley may have ADD while in practice.. I mean how is he to concentrate on football when there are cardinals all around... and we know he has trouble with road runners so maybe a cardinal will be his speed.. on the flip side.. if the gamble pays off for arizona... imagine what traps await oppenents next season
 
with the 21st pick the Jacksonville Jaguars select-

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efforting to motivate the players Jack "beerlover" Del Rio comes up with the novel idea of drafting Paul Bunyan to help SPLIT the players into one harmonious & bloodletting battle tested corps.
 
:rofl: I found this thread while searching for something else...This is possibly the funniest thread I've ever seen of this site...LoL...
 
It's time to revive this thing...

With the 23rd pick, the Baltimore Ravens select:


Speedy Gonzales
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While he's only a few inches tall, and a football might crush every bone in his body, Gonzales has incredible endurance and blew away scouts and coaches alike with his blazing speed - Another track star turned wide receiver, coaches are hoping he can provice a spark for Baltimore's struggling passing game.
 
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