A little Reggie Bush humor

Discussion in 'College Football & the NFL Draft' started by STEEL BLUE TEXANS, Dec 13, 2005.


    STEEL BLUE TEXANS Hall of Fame

    Apr 30, 2004
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    Sugar Land, Texas
    The Sweepstakes
    He has captivated a nation with his blazing speed, ankle breaking jukes, and game breaking returns. He has sports writers everywhere wetting their pants, preparing themselves for what will be a summer of draft day deep throating. And when April comes and Mel Kiper crawls out of whatever hole he lives in, the commissioner will step up to the podium, announce Reggie Bush's name, and change a team's fortunes for the next decade.

    But alas, who will this team be? There are a number of teams who are eligible to win the big prize. That's why the month of December will be about one thing. Losing. While in the NBA the draft order is decided by David Stern, the New York Knicks, and the Italian mafia, the NFL chooses to base their draft on the "honor system." It is a foolish loophole, and one that will be taken advantage of in full. In the coming weeks, you will see coaches punting on 3rd down, receivers dropping passes, Hall of Fame quarterbacks throwing interceptions, and Dom Capers keeping his job. Meanwhile, running backs will be playing as if their very livelihoods are on the line. Domanick Davis will start throwing up 200 yards per game. Deuce McAllister will miraculously pronounce himself healthy enough to play. Curtis Martin will rise from the dead. It will be more captivating than the Super Bowl, more unpredictable than a Michael Jackson Xmas Party. It's the Reggie Bush Sweepstakes.

    Texans lose 13-10
    Capers throws game and maintains ruse

    With time dwindling down and Domanick Davis refusing to give up his job, Dom Capers knew he had do something. People were accusing his team of quitting at the end of the game, raising suspicions that they were aiming to get the first pick. He had to show the world the Texans were trying to win. It was then that Capers had an idea: What if I called a fake field goal? Knowing the play had little chance of success, he could effectively give the ball up and make it appear as if he was going for the victory. Only one problem - Kris Brown, in his exuberance to sell the ruse, GOT the first down.
    Yet Capers was undeterred. Keeping the ball out of Domanick Davis' hands, Capers calls a bootleg and has David Carr run right out of bounds. 4th down.
    Given another field goal situation, this time Capers decides to kick. But a shank might be too obvious. Kick it low, he tells Brown. And with a one game lead in the Reggie Bush Sweepstakes on the line, the kicker executes the play to perfection. The attempt is "blocked," and the Houston defense suddenly turns to papier-mache. After being stymied the entire game, McNair and the Titans face little resistance as they march down the field to a 13-10 lead.
    But Brown's work was not done. The Texans returned the kickoff 50 yards to 27 yard line and a Titans penalty brought the ball down to the 14. It was chip shot field goal, only 31-yards. Capers was growing suspicious. Maybe the Titans are throwing the game too. This time he tells Brown just two words - Shank it. So Brown steps in, shanks the kick about 40 yards wide left, and returns to the locker room as his teammates celebrate. Texans lose, Texans lose!

    Powerless Rankings

    1. Houston Texans
    Record: 1-12
    Opponents: ARI, JAX, @SF
    Strength of Schedule Tiebreaker: 97-72(.572)
    Remaining Opponents: 15-24
    The Texans are a game ahead and have the inside track thanks in part to the decision not to fire Dom Capers until after the top pick is secured. However, benching Domanick Davis might be a good idea, considering he has everything to lose by the Texans adding Bush. This has become increasingly evident in the past few weeks, where Davis has done everything possible to sabotage the Texans' quest for Bush.

  2. tulexan

    tulexan Hall of Fame

    Sep 12, 2004
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    This is great in the quotes section:

    "You can be upset, but we really brought this on ourselves. It's not like the fans have done anything. They want to root for something, so give them something to root for. So if they want to root for the first pick, that makes sense."
    Texans QB David Carr, who secretly counts himself as one of those fans
  3. texplayer2

    texplayer2 Veteran

    Oct 16, 2005
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    Yes, he will benefit which ever way we draft.......unless.........We go for a Quarterback!:tomato:

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