I've seen a lot of creative nicknames tossed about recently. It's a great way to show our support and admiration for the players. The problem is that we aren't making them stick. I know a lot of you would prefer to let nicknames develop naturally instead of forcing them, but this is a crucial turning point in the Texans franchise. We need to motivate our players as much as possible right now and fast-track the process. First we need to arrive at a consensus for the nicknames. I have some excellent suggestions: Pee Pee Pollard - We all know that Bernard Pollard is always knocking the piss out of opposing players. The nickname Pee Pee will be a constant reminder of this fact, and will strike fear in the hearts of quarterbacks and receivers that dare to cross his path. And when it comes to nicknames, you really can't go wrong with alliteration. Alternatives: Piss Man, Pampers Arian Donkey Man Foster - Sadly, "the Beast" is already taken by a certain wide receiver. So I feel that the animal that best personifies Arian is the Donkey. Let's face it: Foster is our workhorse. Slaton and Ward are getting some touches, but for the most part, Foster is carrying the ground game on his back. In Jewish and Christian lore, Jesus Christ himself was often said to ride a donkey. Even in Hindu mythology, the donkey is a vehicle of God Kalaratr. Namaste. Alternatives: The Donkey, Ass Man, Arian Nation Matt Really Good at Throwing Footballs Especially Under Intense Pressure Schaub - With Schaub, you really can't be succinct and do him justice. The guy is just... really good at throwing footballs. Especially under intense pressure. What more is there to say? Schaub is awesome. Alternatives: That Guy Who Rolls Out All the Time and Finds a Receiver Just When You Thought the Play Was Dead The next step is to commit. If we want these nicknames to stick, we have to start using them religiously. Don't even refer to the players by their real names anymore. Call into the radio shows and ask how Donkey Man is expected to fare against the Giants' front seven. We'll know we did our job when we see Ron Jaworski breaking down the Pee Pee Blitz on Monday night. But to really drive it home, we need the players themselves to embrace the nicknames. Once they really start catching on, the players can drive it home by legally changing their names: It's time to get serious, fellas. Let's make this happen. Who's with me?