Texans Fan Dictionary

Discussion in 'Texans Talk' started by Hervoyel, Jan 7, 2010.

  1. Hervoyel

    Hervoyel The Right Track

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    Hey guys, I'm trying to think of what to add to the list of terms I've been keeping since 2005 and would like suggestions if any of you care to make any. Here's what I have at the moment:

    "Smithiak" A Texans fan abbreviation used to refer to both GM Rick Smith and Head Coach Gary Kubiak at the same time. It is typically used when speaking of an accomplishment or action taken by the two who are considered inseperable and equally responsible for all Texans post-2005 success but is sometimes used in the form of a criticism. This is usually done by one who does not believe in "The Trinity". Credited to ObsiWan

    "The Trinity" The Texans fan term for the current brain trust of the Houston Texans which draws a parallel between the Owner, GM, and Head Coach with the Christian religons Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. In Texans speak "The Trinity" goes like this: Kubiak walks among us and is our example of how to play football. Smith is the force that enables us to play football the way Kubiak shows us to. McNair is the creator and has orchestrated everything that has and will happen. Credited to dalemurphy.

    "The C&C Losing Factory" - refers to the 2001-2005 regime of General Manager Charlie Casserly and Head Coach Dom Capers who combined to bring football fans in Houston a 4 year record of futility that came to a depressing 18-46 total. They capped their illustrious careers in Houston with a 2-14 work of art that eventually led to their demise (much to the relief of those Houston Texans fans who managed to survive their reign). Credited to Texan Bill.

    "Ocho Stinko" - A play on Chad Johnson's nickname (He wears number 85 and is known as "Ocho Cinco") used to describe former Texans QB David Carr. While with the Texans Carr wore number 8 and arguably stunk as bad as any first overall draft pick QB in the history of the game. He is also referred to as "Major Mittens", "HWSNBN", "HWWNBN", and "The guy in the fetal position". Credited to many.

    "Caught The Shoe" or "Catching The Shoe" is a term that refers to poor tackling and makes reference to the weak attempt by Matt Stevens to tackle Ricky Williams in the Texans 2003 season opener at Miami. In that game an obviously overmatched Stevens attempted to stop Ricky Williams by grabbing his foot and came away with only a shoe which he then promptly threw down on the ground (some say he threw it at Williams). This perfect picture of futility has been enshrined as a phrase in the Texans fan dictionary. Usage would be as follows; "Man, Morlon Greenwood has been getting beat like a puppy today. He's done nothing but catch the shoe since the game started!" Credited to many

    "P-Burnt" refers to exceptionally poor CB play by a Texans player. To get "P-burnt" is to be beaten so bad in pass coverage that you force Texans fans to remember Phillip Buchanon and his 2005 season as a Texan. Getting "P-Burnt" is mathematically 23.9 times worse than just getting "burnt" in coverage and this formula has been independently verified by The European Fecal Standards & Measurements Board in Zurich Switzerland. Credited to BigWig.

    "The Boselli Effect" or simply "TBE" is used to describe a common disturbance/distortion of reality around a Texans player when an injury of seemingly trivial or minor status keeps that player out of action for an extended period of time. This is the result of the Texans penchant for lying about the injury status of players regardless of whether there is anything to be gained by doing so. It refers to the three year on-again, off-again Texans career of Tony Boselli who was the first player selected by the Texans in their expansion draft. Tony Boselli was coming off of what was described as a relatively common shoulder surgery and was expected to play in the 2002 season. Throughout that season Boselli's "return" was speculated upon week after week until he was finally placed on injured reserve so that he could be ready and 100% for the 2003 season. This pattern repeated the next year and finally concluded at the start of the 2004 season when Tony Boselli retired from football just a week after he finally began to practice for the team. Since that time similar injury situations have come about surrounding running backs Domanick Davis and most recently Ahman Green. In 2007 when WR Andre Johnson was injured much speculation among Texans fans concerned his mysterious knee injury that was first reported as being "fortunately not so bad" yet kept him out for many weeks. Any time a Texans player is injured there is the possibility that Texans fans may see "TBE" in action. Andre Johnson escaped TBE and returned to play for the team at his usual high level. This makes him the only Texans player to ever do so. Credited to many.

    "The Texans Side-Step" or "Doing the Texans Side Step" is another term for "The Boselli Effect" and refers to the Texans front office and coaching staff and their consistent refusal to be forthcoming on the injury status of a Texans player, even when such information would be of no use to an upcoming opponent. Since the first days of the franchise fans have noted that when it comes to information on injured players the Texans are only lying when you can see their lips move. When a player is injured and his status changes inexplicably over the course of several weeks it could be said that "The Texans are doing the Side-Step on that guy. We may never find out what's really going on with his knee." Credited to CloakNNNdagger

    "The Rosencopter" is a description that makes reference to the flying leap and subsequent spin that perennial backup Sage Rosenfels did in the final four minutes of the Texans home opener in 2008 against the Indianapolis Colts. The play resulted in a fumble which the Colts then recovered and ran back for a touchdown. What followed was one of the worst meltdowns by any player in NFL history as Rosenfels fumbled on the very next offensive play, then threw an interception to wipe out any chance the Texans might have of salvaging the win. The phrase can be used to refer to a player spinning around following a hit or to point out the stupidity of a particular players actions.

    "Pulling an Asserly" is the chosen term applied when an NFL executive of the GM variety agrees to pay a player far more money than he's worth for no apparent reason, following a major injury with a questionable outlook for recovery, or in the twilight of his career. Credit to many

    "Checking the Menu" or "Choosing a Grand Slam" refers to the way Gary Kubiak routinely appears to bury his head in the laminated "Denny's menu" sized folding card he carries around with him on the sideline during games. When something important happens on the field and Gary either appears to miss it entirely or miss its significance he is said to have been "Checking the Menu". Credited to many.

    "Stagger Gary" is a term that refers to the idiotic halfback pass called by Gary Kubiak in the 2009 Houston at Jacksonville game. Trailing the Jaguars in the second half the Texans moved the ball easily into the red zone. On first down for no apparent reason Gary decided to Check the Menu and get clever. He used his secret weapon and "bromance" partner Chris Brown to attempt a halfback pass which was ineptly thrown and intercepted. This ended the Texans scoring threat and effectively lost the game for Houston. The name refers to the "Stagger Lee" play called by Houston Oilers coach Jerry Glanville in a playoff game in Denver during the late 1980's. credited to many.

    "Soapers" or "Pink Soapers" refers to texanstalk.com board members who no longer believe in the ability of Gary Kubiak to improve the team beyond a roughly .500 (give or take a game) record. The soap avatar comes from the movie Fight Club and originated during the final year of "The C&C Losing Factory" as the "Fire Capers Club". The first rule of the Fire Capers Club was that we do not talk about Fire Capers Club. This was said tongue-in-cheek as a way to mock the "Everything is fine, there is no need to panic" attitude of the Texans organization as the Casserly/Capers regime came to an end. With the firing of Dom Capers the Fire Capers Club became dormant (With the strange exception of a poster named "IBAR Harry" who continued to sport a pink soap avatar demanding that Dom Capers be fired for two more years until he was banned for excessive asshattery and a never ending bromance with "Ocho Stinko"). During the 2009 season as the Texans again started slow and appeared to be having trouble concentrating on important things like PLAYING FOOTBALL the pink soap avatar reappeared in the form of a "Fire Kubiak Club" logo. This sparked a healthy debate (minor flame war) about the merits of firing Gary Kubiak and hiring one of the many out of work head coaches who happened to own a Super Bowl ring at the time. The Fire Kubiak Club again went dormant at the end of the 2009 season when Bob McNair declared that Gary Kubiak would return in 2010 to coach the team again. They have sworn to return should Kubiak fail to achieve another winning season and a playoff berth however
     
    utahmark, mattieuk, barrett and 7 others like this.
  2. michaelm

    michaelm vox nihili

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    Inbred Children of Uranus
    Credit, I think to either Steph or Overalls.

    Is "Three yards and a cloud of fat" specific to TT? Credit to Porky, maybe or Second Honeymoon?

    Calling someone JohnsonFan for their lack of grammatical skills.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2010
  3. D-ReK

    D-ReK RAWWWRR!

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    Is there a clever name for Kubiak turning his back to the field during a particularly important play?
     
  4. mexican_texan

    mexican_texan Furry Tractors

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    K'd up?
     
  5. mariowillshine15

    mariowillshine15 Hall of Fame

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    "Browning it up."- When a particular player sucks every time he is given a chance to play usually hindering our chances of winning while Kubiak continues to trot him out there. (ex: Chris Brown, Kris Brown, John Busing.)
     
  6. mexican_texan

    mexican_texan Furry Tractors

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    More like Jonathan Wells jr.

    Anyway, I liked my submission of Bulman'd last year.

    Bulman'd- verb. to go all out after the ballcarrier, giving 100% effort and then some; also known as the Bobby Boucher effect
     
  7. Malloy

    Malloy Site Contributor

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    Refering to someone as 'Hulk' suggesting family ties to a specific player?
     
  8. bckey

    bckey Hall of Fame

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    Hey Herv you left out settlers.
     


  9. TEXANRED

    TEXANRED Texan-American

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    Brown out. A combination of specific players on one team that are given an opportunity to win games in key moments but instead consistently fail all season resulting in missing the playoffs.
     
    disaacks3 likes this.
  10. TEXANRED

    TEXANRED Texan-American

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    Pulling a Kris Brown. The baffling phenomenon that a kicker is able to make a 50 plus yard kick with plenty of distance and accuracy but the inability to make anything from inside the 20 including extra points.
     
  11. gtexan02

    gtexan02 Working?

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    We need one for:

    "The Texans Cushion" (or something like this)
    The cushion refers to the space given between Texans DBs and opposing WRs. On 3rd down, the cushion must be equal to or greater than the distance needed by the opposing team to secure a 3rd down. The cushion arose from the incompetency of many Texans defensive backs who were afraid of being labeled "P-Burnt." It was made famous by DeMarcus Faggins (Petey) who managed to get both P-Burnt and sport the cushion at the same time. Shockingly, the Texans Cushion has permeated defensive philosphys of multiple defensive coordinators and has continued in spite of rotating defensive backs and coaches.

    "They need time to gel"
    This turn of phrase was made popular during the David Carr (Aka Ocho Stinko, see above) era in which he was frequently sacked. David Carrs inability to remain upright in the pocket was attributed to a porous offensive line that allowed even marginal defenders the chance to hit our "franchise" quarterback. As such, frequent tweaks and changes were made to the lineup, which usually resulted in disappointing results. Optimists would respond to the criticism by claiming "They need time to gel"--a Texans fan favorite--which implied that with a few more weeks of suckage, the play would soon start to improve. Sadly, we never saw proof of this. Since that time, the phrase "time to gel" has been used as an excuse for any change or injury this team faces. The improved play of our OL as soon as we changed quarterbacks revealed the futility of this philosophy.
    Ex: Change of defense leading to poor defensive play? They need to time gel.
     
  12. dalemurphy

    dalemurphy Hall of Fame

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    Here are a couple recurring nicknames:

    "Open Daniels"

    and, my favorite:

    "Kevins Walter".... alluding to how often people call him Kevin Walters

    Oh,and then there's, "HeWhoMustNotBeNamed" or something like that... in reference to the QB that must not be named.
     
  13. dalemurphy

    dalemurphy Hall of Fame

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    "Petey"- as an homage to Demarcus Petey Faggins, refers to a CB that has angered the fanbase with apparent poor cover skills.
     
  14. Buffi2

    Buffi2 Site Contributor

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    Pay me, Rick
     
  15. NitroGSXR

    NitroGSXR Super Sic #58

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    Great thread, Hervoyel. It'd be great if you could edit the post everytime you consider there's a viable addition to the glossary. I once saw someone refer to Matt Schaub as Matt Schlub this season. Lol. How's that working out there? He's #1 in a couple positive passing categories. It's still a good name. He looks like a schlub anyway.
     
  16. HoustonFrog

    HoustonFrog Dallas Frog

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    I like that!!So true
     
  17. Hervoyel

    Hervoyel The Right Track

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    "JohnsonFan" A message board poster who is incapable of expressing himself in a manner consistent with even a rudimentary knowledge of the English language. This can also be applied to an individual post filled with typographical errors from an otherwise "readable" poster. credited to michaelm.
     
  18. Hervoyel

    Hervoyel The Right Track

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    "Brown Out" The loss of a game due to the failure of one particular player who everyone knew would screw things up but who Gary Kubiak has complete and unwavering faith in regardless of their performance on the field or the availability of better (or any) alternatives. Usage: "We won 9 games in 2009 but it would have been 10 or 11 if we hadn't had a few Brown Outs.
     
  19. Hervoyel

    Hervoyel The Right Track

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    Define "Settlers".
     
  20. Hervoyel

    Hervoyel The Right Track

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    A "Petey" is any player pushed into a starting role while lacking the necessary skills to actually carry out said role. It is most often used to describe a defensive back. This is in honor of Demarcus "Petey" Faggins who was an original Texan and perfectly adequate nickel cornerback but who instead was pressed into service during his 7 years here as a starter a remarkable 36 times for lack of a better option. At no point in his career was Petey Faggins ever confused with a legitimate starting NFL cornerback but this did not stop two entirely different sets of coaches from trotting him out time and time again anyway. "Petey" which was also the name of the dog from The Little Rascals film series (being intensely faithful and impossible to get rid of) never quit trying to his credit but his failures did not endear him to the Texans faithful. Usage: A team with poor corners or using players signed out of desperation due to injury can be said to be "Playing a couple of Peteys".
     

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