Pollard to meet with Goodell over hits to Raiders players

Discussion in 'Texans Talk' started by GP, Oct 4, 2010.

  1. GP

    GP Go Texans!

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    Los Angeles, CA--The Oakland Raiders field is closed and will not be open for the next two weeks due to an excessive amount of piss left on the field in last Sunday's game. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is looking into the matter this week, according to league sources.

    Nomar Yourin, Raiders field maintenance supervisor, said, "We're using commercial-sized fans, absorbent materials, anything we can get our hands on. I've never seen THIS much pee on a field in my whole career here."

    Dr. Ima Leekin, Raiders internal medicine specialist, reported the Raiders quarterback is in stable condition after a 34-21 loss to the Houston Texans. "We had to remove Mr. Gradkowski's bladder after the game, and replace it with a donor's bladder. When you lose THAT much urine, in such a violent manner, the bladder is often put into such shock that it has to be removed."

    Several Raiders players were treated for post-traumatic syndrome following the relentless punishment dealt by Bernard Pollard of the Texans.

    "Look, I'm not going to name names here," said team psychologist Dick Trickle, "but I've got a few guys who told me they haven't slept well last night. Some of them are wetting their beds. Night terrors. It's real bad."

    Bernard Pollard was reached for comment, replying to the accusations with words we could not print.
     
  2. Joe Texan

    Joe Texan Inducted 04

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    Pollards Hits were clean
     
  3. barrett

    barrett Hall of Fame

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    Well done GP. You and I are on exactly the same page today. You're going to love the TBB story I've been working on. Stay tuned!!
     
  4. Goatcheese

    Goatcheese Nightmare Over

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    If you consider knocking piss out of people "clean" ... :wadepalm:

    :heh:
     
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  5. GP

    GP Go Texans!

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    LOL @ Joe Texan.

    Dude, read the whole post.
     
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  6. BullNation4Life

    BullNation4Life Hall of Fame

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    bifocals bro, bifocals...
     
  7. TexCanada

    TexCanada Hall of Fame

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    I like how you capitalized "Hits". Its like they were divine.
     
  8. Big Lou

    Big Lou Stop Clowning

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    Silly Quarterback!!!! What was he thinking!!!!
     


  9. Joe Texan

    Joe Texan Inducted 04

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    I read the toilet post but his hits were clean and hard
     
  10. pbat488

    pbat488 gig 'em

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    Joe, the thread is not real. Well, technically the thread is real, but the intention and title of it are a joke.

    :wadepalm:
     
  11. GP

    GP Go Texans!

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    Man, you're just incapable of not taking yourself seriously aren't you?

    If you had read the whole post, you wouldn't have replied that way.

    Nice attempt to recover, though. Keep choppin' wood.
     
  12. GP

    GP Go Texans!

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  13. Kulluminatii

    Kulluminatii Hall of Fame

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    Haha, I got a good laugh out of your post GP. I thought Bruce would have learned after that first hit to slide...but nope, the guy went for seconds! :wadepalm:

    *EDIT* The score was 31-24 btw. :cowboy1:
     
  14. Ryan

    Ryan THIS YEAR

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    Pollard knocked the piss out of the Raiders so bad that the piss actually reverted back to himself, hence knocking the piss out of himself.
     
  15. GP

    GP Go Texans!

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    A spokesman for PEETOP (People for the Everyday Ethical Treatment Of Piss) has organized a protest against Bernard Pollard at Mr. Pollard's residence in Houston, TX.

    Houston police are reportedly prepared to be on the scene in full hazmat suits, due to the likelihood of several protesters being separated from their urine if they were to come into contact with Pollard during the event.
     
  16. ChampionTexan

    ChampionTexan Site Contributor

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    Gaping hole in this story - how can anybody wet their bed if the piss has already been knocked out of them?
     
  17. GP

    GP Go Texans!

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    Residual after-effects, I suppose.

    These things are complicated.
     
  18. michaelm

    michaelm vox nihili

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    I'm sure you'd have to drink a lot of water to compensate for involuntary traumatic piss-loss, otherwise known as Pollard's Syndrome.
    It would be difficult to retain water later that night, because you would likely be suffering from a second ailment at that point, known as Post-Pollard's Syndrome Nocturnal Bladder Seepage.
     
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  19. GP

    GP Go Texans!

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    LOL. Nicely done.
     
  20. JamesBill

    JamesBill Veteran

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    Can someone upload the hits he put on the QB?
     

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