Have we bashed the TE's yet?

Discussion in 'Texans Talk' started by Hottoddie, Nov 30, 2005.

  1. Hottoddie

    Hottoddie Hall of Fame

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    If so, I must've missed it. So, why don't we start bashing them for a while?

    Let's start with Mark Frederick Bruener. What kind of name is that? What is he, some kind of rich snob that has to a fancy middle name? What the hell's wrong with just plain ol' Fred? Also, what's with that goofy smile? Is it because he has a fancy middle name & I don't? I think I hate him. Okay, let's take a look at his performance on the field. He's caught 143 passes in almost 11 years. WOW! That comes to 13 passes per year & only 0.81 per game. What's with that? Why does he even suit up on Sundays? No way he's smiling over that statistic. It has to be because of the fancy middle name.

    Okay, who's next? Oh yeah, Matt Murphy. Well, I guess his name says it all. Surely, everyone's heard of Murphy's Law? What can go wrong, will go wrong. I pity the young man for having to carry such a heavy burden throughout his life. Let's see, what else can we bash him about? Good grief, he graduated from Maryland. That makes him Matt Murphy from Maryland. What is that, some kind of sick joke? Okay, let's look at his career on the field. Oh my God, he's caught 3 passes in 4 years. Look out Superbowl, here we come. Actually, I like Murphy, but could someone tell him to shut up & sit down at the end of the bench?

    Next up is Marcellus Rivers. Marcellus, what's that, French? Well then, he's already on my bad side. Here, I'll give you one of these :texflag: . You'll just have to live with the Texans logo on it. Marcellus has caught 34 passes in 5 years. That's pathetic. I could do that. Let's see, that's an average of 6.8 passes per year & about 1 every 3rd game. Yes, I could definitely do that. That gives me 3 weeks to shake off the concussion.

    Footnote: I'd bash Joppru, but he hasn't been seen in 3 years. I think he must be dead & I don't think it would be appropriate to bash the dead.

    When it all comes down to it, we should just pull the TE's out of our team & put in another lineman that is capable of catching an occasional ball. Would you rather have a 250lb. player, or a 330lb. player blocking? We just happen to have a guy that can do that, & he can throw an occasional pass as well. His name is Seth Wand. Wand, isn't that something a Fairy carries? Just great! Now we're going to have a Fairy blocking for Carr.

    Disclaimer: I'm on vacation & have way too much time on my hands & decided to do a little parody on all the bashing threads.:D
     
  2. wenskek

    wenskek Rookie

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    haha about the funniest and best post i have read on here in a while, and it also reminded me at how bad our tight ends are. Wait, what tight ends!:wacko:
     
  3. hot pickle

    hot pickle Canada Eh

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    BILLY BILLY BILLY BILLY


    i want billy miller back :texflag:
     
  4. WiiBrawler

    WiiBrawler WiiMan

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    Dont we all
     
  5. HoustonFan

    HoustonFan Hall of Fame

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    Billy was definitely one of those :confused: :brickwall cuts. Does anyone know where he ended up?
     
  6. Texan Gal 312

    Texan Gal 312 Veteran

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    Billy was with Cleveland when they were here (inactive). I may be incorrect but I believe they released him shortly thereafter.
     
  7. Ibar_Harry

    Ibar_Harry Hall of Fame

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    What is sad about this is that it is probably a better solution than being offered by our coaching staff. Does everyone remember how we were going to line up our DE in the backfield on short yardage situations. Ah, I don't think we have seen that for a while. Actually we could have used it a couple of times and it would probably have been successful. Oh, I forgot our DE would probably have blocked our TE. Just a reflex action you know. There really is talent on this ball club and I believe players who want to win, but it ain't going to happen as long as this coaching staff remains in place...........
     
  8. Ibar_Harry

    Ibar_Harry Hall of Fame

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    I'm sorry, I was just reminded that Capers lost his note book in TC and that's why we are no longer using the DE as a lead blocker. He forgot about the play, since he has no reminders.
     
  9. HJam72

    HJam72 Hall of Fame

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    LOL, did he really lose his precious notebook? No wonder we're 1-10.
     
  10. Snapple

    Snapple Veteran

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    They might not be able to catch, but at least they can block...

    ...oh wait.
     
  11. Corrosion

    Corrosion Idealist

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    Where have you been hiding ?.......Ive bashed the TE's and the way the coaches use .... errr dont use them for the last three years :brickwall
     
  12. Runner

    Runner Hubcap Diamond Staff Member

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    I still say that if someone would inform Pendry and Fangio that tight ends are eligible receivers our offense and defense would both improve.
     
  13. Hottoddie

    Hottoddie Hall of Fame

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    Being as inexperienced as I am with paper bags, I must've forgotton to cut the holes out for my eyes to see through. Or, is it possible that my subconscious intentionally left them out to keep me from detroying my TV?:brickwall
     
  14. BigBull17

    BigBull17 Hall of Fame

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    What are you smokin, calling out tight ends players...
     
  15. LORK 88

    LORK 88 Wreck'em Ŧech!

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    We just need a TE who can catch AND block. I know this is a new concept to Capers, but tight ends ARE an actual position. I say we draft one in the draft like Tim Day (Oregon).
     
  16. Vinny

    Vinny shiny happy fan Staff Member

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    More people would bash the TE's if they had a 7.something mil cap hit.
     
  17. SheTexan

    SheTexan Site Contributor

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    Geeeezzzz, wish I knew how to go back and find all the NEGATIVE post about Billy Miller! Some of you guys bashed him constantly!!! Well, Billy's not getting the last laugh because he's out for the rest of this season, but I AM!! Nice to see some of you guys eat crow!! BTW: Caper's never gave him the chance to PROVE that he had IMPROVED his blocking skills. There was no doubt in my mind that he would be missed this year. Just glad to see some of you admit to that.
     
  18. Hardcore Texan

    Hardcore Texan Magnet Man

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    I would like to see Thomas from UT.

    :texans:
     
  19. Hottoddie

    Hottoddie Hall of Fame

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    If you add in Billy Miller's dead money, the cumulative total comes to $3,306,723.00. For that, we have 11 receptions for 106 yards & 0 TD's. Surely Wand @ $557,827.00 would be a much better investment than the slugs we currently have at TE.

    Pssst. How am I doing at keeping this TE bashing going? And sorry, didn't mean to call you surely. :D
     
  20. Corrosion

    Corrosion Idealist

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    Miller isnt the only player this team misses ....I can think of a MLB and CB that would have been tremendous upgrades to the worst pass .....Errr worst overall D in the NFL .
     

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