http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/08/s...ms-endless-possibilities.html?_r=3&ref=sports Peyton Manning is now a free agent, and while many teams do not have an apparent need at quarterback, every team has something to gain by acquiring one of the best players in N.F.L. history. Here is a look at what will happen if Manning takes his talents to your favorite team: ARIZONA CARDINALS Manning Cardinals jerseys, manufactured out of recycled, shredded Kevin Kolb jerseys, roll off production lines self-aware that they are destined to be worn ironically in 10 years. ATLANTA FALCONS Mike Smith is thrilled to have someone who can call an audible when he goes crazy and starts going for it on every fourth down. BALTIMORE RAVENS Manning arrives in a Mayflower moving van, jogging the memories of older fans. He then announces that he already knows all of the Ravens’ plays. “It was no big deal,” he says. “There are only, like, six of them.” BUFFALO BILLS Manning gets a 94 percent ownership stake in the team, commercial fishing rights in the Niagara River and a six-month supply of chicken wings in lieu of a signing bonus. CAROLINA PANTHERS Cam Newton’s rookie year was so exciting that no sequel could possibly live up to expectations. CHICAGO BEARS Lovie Smith tricks Manning into believing the Bears have an adequate offensive line by replacing game film with the “hold the pass” scene from the film “300” and asking the offensive coordinator Mike Tice to wait in the car. CINCINNATI BENGALS In an effort to appear emotionally troubled enough to fit the mold of the typical Bengals acquisition, Manning wears a leather jacket to team headquarters, then rolls a cigarette while leaning rakishly against a motorcycle during preliminary negotiations. CLEVELAND BROWNS Manning immediately has second thoughts about his decision when he asks Browns trainers for some neck treatment and they bandage his index finger instead. DALLAS COWBOYS This signing does not prove splashy enough for Jerry Jones, who begins clearing cap space for a player named LeBron Bieber Lin that only he can see. DENVER BRONCOS Manning and Tim Tebow say nice things about each other as John Elway nods approvingly. Brady Quinn somehow still thinks he deserves a chance at the starting job. DETROIT LIONS During minicamps with Ndamukong Suh and the other overzealous Lions defenders, Manning wears a red jersey, flak jacket, tower shield and Green Lantern ring, and that is just during warm-ups. GREEN BAY PACKERS Columnists from around the country call Brett Favre for his reaction and immediately regret it. HOUSTON TEXANS Excited Texans linemen begin practicing a new cut-blocking technique to protect Manning. The technique is immediately banned by the Geneva Convention but is instrumental in reviving the “Saw” film franchise. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS After Wednesday’s tearful news conference, Jim Irsay spends a sleepless night cradling his cellphone and listening to Lady Antebellum. “It’s a quarter after one. ...” JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS In preparation for a season-ticket surge, animal control experts trap the family of opossums that have nested for generations under the seats near midfield, and the Jaguars’ owner, Shahid Khan, confirms that the team’s lone phone line has a dial tone. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS Manning inherits Joe Montana’s old locker, comes face to face with his mortality for a split second, hopes a brisk walk and a Gatorade will make him feel better, discovers they do not and logs onto the Internet to change the retirement planning settings on his stock portfolio. MIAMI DOLPHINS At the introductory news conference, the team’s owner, Stephen Ross, proudly proclaims, “With Peyton Manning joining Reggie Bush and Brandon Marshall, we can finally overtake the Jets as the overrated, chemistry-challenged team that finishes second to the Patriots in the A.F.C. East!” MINNESOTA VIKINGS To pay Manning’s salary, voters approve a referendum that calls for $50 million in state money, $25 million in Hennepin County money and a 14 percent sales tax on household cleaning supplies and diapers. The Vikings then play home games for the next 12 years in a vacant lot behind a tire retreading plant. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS Bill Belichick straps Manning to a chair, shaves his head, fastens electrodes to his brain and siphons football knowledge directly into a supercomputer.