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Our new staff is so inexperienced that....

Porky

Porky

Hall of Fame
Okay, how about a little levity. Bring your Texans clean jokes, puns, humerous stories, or anything that amuses you about our Texans. I will start. This is all in good fun. Nothing serious here folks. Please save that for other threads.

Our new staff is so inexperienced that instead of a ribbon cutting ceromony to introduce the new staff, they are having an umblical cord cutting ceromony.

Our new staff is so inexperienced that Mcnair has hired an OB/GYN Dr. on staff to spank them when they are introduced.

Our new WR coach was lured to the Texans by the promise of an Xbox and an Ipod. (Thanks Vinny!)

Okay, these are lame. So let's see what you got.
 
Our staff is so inexperienced that they'll argue about decisions because they could do it in Madden NFL 2006.
 
I don't have any jokes on the Texans new staff, but I have a few on the team as a whole. Here they go:

The Texan's organization is thinking of changing their name to the Houston Tampons because they are only good for one period and they have no second string.

When the Texans fired Capers, they were considering hiring Monica Lewinski for the head coaching poistion. She might blow a few but we know she won't choke on the big ones.

That's all I can remember right now. I don't know if they stay on this board or get erased because they might be unappropriate material. Anyways, enjoy.:yahoo:
 
There once was a Quaterback named Carr, who thought he would really go far...

Until his line caved, and began to misbehave...

And now he is often seen in a bar.
 
The Texan's organization is thinking of changing their name to the Houston Tampons because they are only good for one period and they have no second string.
Click to expand...

That's the funniest thing I've read in a while.:tv:

texanpride We CAN laugh at ourselves.
 
Cjeremy635 said:
The Texan's organization is thinking of changing their name to the Houston Tampons because they are only good for one period and they have no second string.

When the Texans fired Capers, they were considering hiring Monica Lewinski for the head coaching poistion. She might blow a few but we know she won't choke on the big ones.:
Click to expand...


ROLF LMAO Man that was so funny my stomach hurts.That one of the few times I wanted to stop laughing.
 
2006 TEXANS SCHEDULE
September 14................Taft Junior High School
September 21...............Cub Scout Troop ..101
September 28................Houston Blind Academy
October 05.................Spanish American War Vets
October 12................ Crippled Children's Home
October 19............... Montgomery Mental Hospital
October 26................ Girl Scout Troop .. 353
November 02.................Texas Venereal Disease Clinic
November 09.................Sugarland Boys Choir
November 16.................Korean Amputees
SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT GAME
December 08..................Cypress Gay Boys Club
** RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR **
1 - When playing polio patients, the Texans must not disconnect knee braces.
2 - When playing the Blind Academy, the Texans must not hide the football under their jerseys.
** RULES THE SAME FROM LAST YEAR **
1 - A touchdown (this is when the ball is carried over the goal line for all you Texans fans that have never seen this) it is still worth 6 points.
2 - The Texans will be allowed 20 men on the field at all times.
3 - The Texans will be allowed to substitute with band members at anytime.
4 - The Texans will be awarded 10 timeouts as opposed to 3 for the opposing team.
5 - The Texans will be awarded a first down with each gain of three yards or more, instead of the usual ten yards.:yahoo:
 
Hilarious.

Didn't the Houston blind academy pick off Carr 3 times the last time they played though?

The early line has a pickem on the game with Girl Scout Troop 353.
 
The Roethlis-burger is a burger named after the popular Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. It costs $7 (the number Ben Roethlisberger wears) at Peppi's restaurants in Pittsburgh; cheese is 7 cents extra. The burger is topped with one and a half pounds of beef and sausage, as well as scrambled eggs, lettuce, tomato and American cheese on a Portuguese roll.

180px-Rothlisburger.jpg


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roethlis-burger

You dont want to see a carr-burger. Its an empty bun with an IOU for some meat later on when they can get better quality pickles and lettuce.

:redtowel:
 
Vinny said:
The Roethlis-burger is a burger named after the popular Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. It costs $7 (the number Ben Roethlisberger wears) at Peppi's restaurants in Pittsburgh; cheese is 7 cents extra. The burger is topped with one and a half pounds of beef and sausage, as well as scrambled eggs, lettuce, tomato and American cheese on a Portuguese roll.

180px-Rothlisburger.jpg


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roethlis-burger

You dont want to see a carr-burger. Its an empty bun with an IOU for some meat later on when they can get better quality pickles and lettuce.



:redtowel:
Click to expand...

that was hilarious vinny. you missed the pro-bowlers roethlisberger has to work with on that o-line.
 
dirty steve said:
that was hilarious vinny. you missed the pro-bowlers roethlisberger has to work with on that o-line.
Click to expand...
That's where the IOU comes in I guess...:ok:
 
Vinny said:
The Roethlis-burger is a burger named after the popular Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. It costs $7 (the number Ben Roethlisberger wears) at Peppi's restaurants in Pittsburgh; cheese is 7 cents extra. The burger is topped with one and a half pounds of beef and sausage, as well as scrambled eggs, lettuce, tomato and American cheese on a Portuguese roll.

180px-Rothlisburger.jpg


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roethlis-burger

You dont want to see a carr-burger. Its an empty bun with an IOU for some meat later on when they can get better quality pickles and lettuce.

:redtowel:
Click to expand...

I am as much a DC fan as you will find, but I have to say; this and some of the others are good stuff, no matter who you like or don't like. Even I can get a good laugh out of some of these ...
 
Vinny said:
The Roethlis-burger is a burger named after the popular Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. It costs $7 (the number Ben Roethlisberger wears) at Peppi's restaurants in Pittsburgh; cheese is 7 cents extra. The burger is topped with one and a half pounds of beef and sausage, as well as scrambled eggs, lettuce, tomato and American cheese on a Portuguese roll.

180px-Rothlisburger.jpg


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roethlis-burger

You dont want to see a carr-burger. Its an empty bun with an IOU for some meat later on when they can get better quality pickles and lettuce.

:redtowel:
Click to expand...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I heard for 86 extra cents it comes with a side of Gaffney Cola that spills out of its cup right before it crosses the counter.
 
TEXANRED said:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I heard for 86 extra cents it comes with a side of Gaffney Cola that spills out of its cup right before it crosses the counter.
Click to expand...
very nice. funny stuff
 
Vinny said:
The Roethlis-burger is a burger named after the popular Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. It costs $7 (the number Ben Roethlisberger wears) at Peppi's restaurants in Pittsburgh; cheese is 7 cents extra. The burger is topped with one and a half pounds of beef and sausage, as well as scrambled eggs, lettuce, tomato and American cheese on a Portuguese roll.

180px-Rothlisburger.jpg


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roethlis-burger

You dont want to see a carr-burger. Its an empty bun with an IOU for some meat later on when they can get better quality pickles and lettuce.

:redtowel:
Click to expand...

I don't care if you are a Carr, VY, RB or TD (trade down) lover, that is funny!
 
Jack Bauer said:
You better not take a bite of the carr-burger because when you take a bite, someone blindsides you...
Click to expand...

That's the spirit.

Hey, I heard they are serving Bradford jello for dessert. It just shakes all around, then goes flying out of the dish.
 
Porky said:
That's the spirit.

Hey, I heard they are serving Bradford jello for dessert. It just shakes all around, then goes flying out of the dish.
Click to expand...

The zero calorie (diet) portion of the menu features tight ends. They are on the menu, but they don't add anything to your meal.
 
Vinny said:
You dont want to see a carr-burger. Its an empty bun with an IOU for some meat later on when they can get better quality pickles and lettuce.

:redtowel:
Click to expand...

LMFAO!!! And don't forget, all for the great price of $35.00 per burger!! :heh:
 
Our new staff is so inexperienced that they just may surprise us all. Including Lil Shanny and his whiz bang crew.

I do kid about the kid and look forward to buying him a beer someday. Seriously.:thud:
 
Our coaching staff is so inexperienced, they think David Carr can be a good QB someday!


OK, I think he can as well, but I couldn't pass up the shot.
 
there is also the dominic davis hot skillet dinner at the bottom of the menu. Its the one no one ever orders, but when someone finally does, everyone wants to try some. Personnaly i love it, and order it every time. Its only $3.70, isnt too much food, but packs a punch.




p.s., it also comes with a free salad and french fries.

:boxing:
 
One thing we shouldn't forget. Our original coaching staff had a lot of experience. We all saw what happened there.

I'm willing to give the pups a chance. They can't be any worse than the retreads were.
 
Our new staff is so inexperienced.........

That practices won't begin until after three when the bus drops them off and McNair walks them to the practice field.

G-Funk to them is grandpa funk.

The Cheerleaders are taking on the task of bringing huggies and strollers to games.
 
John Mclain's interview with new defensive coordinator Richard Smith:

Mclain: Welcome to Houston, Richard Smith. How are you planning to handle the switch to a 4-3, given the current personnel on the roster? And how are you planning to improve a defense that ranked near the bottom of the league in both rush and pass defense?

Smith: Well john, after reviewing the tape it doesn't look like we'll be running much of a 4-3 after all. For example, on run downs we'll be primarily using a new set we're calling the 10-1.

Mclain: What the heck is a 10-1?

Smith: Well we think the 10-1 makes a lot of sense after looking at game tapes from last year. On running downs we'll be asking everyone but Dunta Robinson to lay down parallel to the line of scrimmage. Our hope is that those 10 players will act as a big ole' speed bump to slow down the rushing attack for a quarter-second or so, which is more than they did last year. With all that open field the other players won't get in Dunta's way like they did last year, so he can run all the way across the field to make the tackle just a little bit quicker.

Mclain: Sounds innovative!!! What's your plan for passing downs?

Smith: Well you've probably heard of the nickle, dime, and quarter defenses. This year we'll be breaking out what we've termed the '100-dolla defense.' It's a 5-5-1 alignment. On the snap the front five will be throwing wads of cash at the feet of the Wide Receivers, Offensive Lineman, and Tight Ends. This should freeze the offense while they take the time to pick up the money----

Mclain:----WAIT! Won't that affect the cap?

Smith: Actually no, we've asked the players to provide the cash themselves from what's left over from those giant signing bonuses that they haven't really earned. They eventually agreed after we threatened to release them all--NOBODY wants to play in Canada, John.

Mclain: I see, so the first 5 in the 5-5-1 100-dolla-defense throw cash, what do the rest do?

Smith: Well John, you saw our pass coverage on film last year and so have we. We've decided to mix it up this year with something inspired by another sport. Have you ever seen the crowd at a basketball game when the other team is shooting a free throw?

Our middle 5 will be grouped together in the middle of the field waving their arms around and hollaring...and we're trying to get league permission so that they can carry those balloon clapper thingies. We think this will really un-nerve the opposing QB and force him into off-target throws.

That leaves Dunta as 1 in the 5-5-1. We expect him to be make the pro-bowl after picking off all those errant throws.

Mclain: This sounds pretty radical. Are you sure this throwing money on the ground thing is going to work?

Smith: John baby, this is the new NFL. One of the best receivers in football sat out half a year cause he couldn't feed his family after signing a bazillion dollar contract! You don't think that guy wouldn't stop his route to scoop up some cash???

Mclain: Point taken. Good luck with the new gig.
 
Our staff is so inexperienced that they think Carr has to do a better job of looking off safeties, improving his footwork and vision.
 
Our new staff is so inexperienced that they actually read this message board to glean its football knowledge ....
 
Our WR coach brings a Scooby Doo lunch box to the game and makes adjustments by coloring X's and O's with crayons. And he needed his dad to sign a permission slip for away games or its a federal crime.
 
Our new staff is so inexperienced that when they say they are bringing a Lucky Charm to the game, they mean the cereal.


They need their parents permission to see last year's game film because it is rated R for rotten.

What's the difference between David Carr and a yoyo?

None. They both go up and down up and down until the owner stops pulling all the strings.
 
If you panic at the counter and don't know what meal to order you can audible into a new meal. Unfortuantely the new meal is always the same and it includes a large helping of "stuffed at the line of scrimmage eggs" and is always followed by a big glass of Punt.
 
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