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Time to get serious: nicknames

SrslySirius

Waterboy
I've seen a lot of creative nicknames tossed about recently. It's a great way to show our support and admiration for the players. The problem is that we aren't making them stick. I know a lot of you would prefer to let nicknames develop naturally instead of forcing them, but this is a crucial turning point in the Texans franchise. We need to motivate our players as much as possible right now and fast-track the process.

First we need to arrive at a consensus for the nicknames. I have some excellent suggestions:

Pee Pee Pollard - We all know that Bernard Pollard is always knocking the piss out of opposing players. The nickname Pee Pee will be a constant reminder of this fact, and will strike fear in the hearts of quarterbacks and receivers that dare to cross his path. And when it comes to nicknames, you really can't go wrong with alliteration.

Alternatives: Piss Man, Pampers

Arian Donkey Man Foster - Sadly, "the Beast" is already taken by a certain wide receiver. So I feel that the animal that best personifies Arian is the Donkey. Let's face it: Foster is our workhorse. Slaton and Ward are getting some touches, but for the most part, Foster is carrying the ground game on his back. In Jewish and Christian lore, Jesus Christ himself was often said to ride a donkey. Even in Hindu mythology, the donkey is a vehicle of God Kalaratr. Namaste.

Alternatives: The Donkey, Ass Man, Arian Nation

Matt Really Good at Throwing Footballs Especially Under Intense Pressure Schaub - With Schaub, you really can't be succinct and do him justice. The guy is just... really good at throwing footballs. Especially under intense pressure. What more is there to say? Schaub is awesome.

Alternatives: That Guy Who Rolls Out All the Time and Finds a Receiver Just When You Thought the Play Was Dead

The next step is to commit. If we want these nicknames to stick, we have to start using them religiously. Don't even refer to the players by their real names anymore. Call into the radio shows and ask how Donkey Man is expected to fare against the Giants' front seven. We'll know we did our job when we see Ron Jaworski breaking down the Pee Pee Blitz on Monday night.

But to really drive it home, we need the players themselves to embrace the nicknames. Once they really start catching on, the players can drive it home by legally changing their names:







It's time to get serious, fellas. Let's make this happen. Who's with me?
 

Texanmike02

Hall of Fame
Contributor's Club
I've seen a lot of creative nicknames tossed about recently. It's a great way to show our support and admiration for the players. The problem is that we aren't making them stick. I know a lot of you would prefer to let nicknames develop naturally instead of forcing them, but this is a crucial turning point in the Texans franchise. We need to motivate our players as much as possible right now and fast-track the process.

First we need to arrive at a consensus for the nicknames. I have some excellent suggestions:

Pee Pee Pollard - We all know that Bernard Pollard is always knocking the piss out of opposing players. The nickname Pee Pee will be a constant reminder of this fact, and will strike fear in the hearts of quarterbacks and receivers that dare to cross his path. And when it comes to nicknames, you really can't go wrong with alliteration.

Alternatives: Piss Man, Pampers

Arian Donkey Man Foster - Sadly, "the Beast" is already taken by a certain wide receiver. So I feel that the animal that best personifies Arian is the Donkey. Let's face it: Foster is our workhorse. Slaton and Ward are getting some touches, but for the most part, Foster is carrying the ground game on his back. In Jewish and Christian lore, Jesus Christ himself was often said to ride a donkey. Even in Hindu mythology, the donkey is a vehicle of God Kalaratr. Namaste.

Alternatives: The Donkey, Ass Man, Arian Nation

Matt Really Good at Throwing Footballs Especially Under Intense Pressure Schaub - With Schaub, you really can't be succinct and do him justice. The guy is just... really good at throwing footballs. Especially under intense pressure. What more is there to say? Schaub is awesome.

Alternatives: That Guy Who Rolls Out All the Time and Finds a Receiver Just When You Thought the Play Was Dead

The next step is to commit. If we want these nicknames to stick, we have to start using them religiously. Don't even refer to the players by their real names anymore. Call into the radio shows and ask how Donkey Man is expected to fare against the Giants' front seven. We'll know we did our job when we see Ron Jaworski breaking down the Pee Pee Blitz on Monday night.

But to really drive it home, we need the players themselves to embrace the nicknames. Once they really start catching on, the players can drive it home by legally changing their names:







It's time to get serious, fellas. Let's make this happen. Who's with me?
signed,
Srsly "I should stick to putting nicknames on jerseys and avoid coming up with nicknames" Sirius
 

SheTexan

Hall of Fame
Hummmmm! I think POLLARD, FOSTER, and SCHAUB are just fine with me!

Some of the TEXANS finest don't need nicknames! What they do on the field speaks volumns, and is all that matters. JMO!!:)
 

Showtime100

Got JJ?
Hummmmm! I think POLLARD, FOSTER, and SCHAUB are just fine with me!

Some of the TEXANS finest don't need nicknames! What they do on the field speaks volumns, and is all that matters. JMO!!:)
Same here. Besides, nicknames find players and not the other way around. Just ask Sage Rosencopt......I mean Sage Rosenfels.
 

Thorn

Dirty Old Man
I'm thinking putting "Pee Pee" on the back of Pollard's uniform would so enrage him, it would seriously endanger the lives of anyone not wearing a Texans uniform. LOL
 

AcresHomesTexan

No Longer Arlington: Escaped From Jerry's World
Staff member
The best nicknames are the ones that just happen. Relax and let the name come to us when it is time a really good one will appear.
 

Lucky

Ride, Captain, Ride!
Staff member
Arian will always be "Where's" Foster, to me.

I thought Pollard's nickname was "Bonecrusher"?

I thinking "Don't call me Schwab", would be OK to use around Matt. Then again, maybe that's not a real good idea.
 

Lucky

Ride, Captain, Ride!
Staff member
but I do see we have the nickname of "The Moo Cows..." didnt know that.
I think Gregg Easterbrook of Tuesday Morning Quarterback fame annointed the Texans as the Moo Cows. He gave the Titans the moniker "Flaming Thumbtacks". I still prefer the Possums.
 

SrslySirius

Waterboy
so is a "meme" the youngster talk for " I am stupid and can't spell or use proper english"?
No. A meme is a type of joke. It starts with a simple concept, then spawns a lot of spinoffs and permutations. The origin of this particular meme was someone on another message board using poor grammar and English in a humorous fashion. A lot of people thought it was funny and made parodies of it.

I'll forgive your hostility and just point to the OP where I think I clearly demonstrated my ability to use proper English.
 

JB

Innocent Bystander
Contributor's Club
No. A meme is a type of joke. It starts with a simple concept, then spawns a lot of spinoffs and permutations. The origin of this particular meme was someone on another message board using poor grammar and English in a humorous fashion. A lot of people thought it was funny and made parodies of it.

I'll forgive your hostility and just point to the OP where I think I clearly demonstrated my ability to use proper English.
No hostility, I just don't understand the attraction.
 

texans90

Practice Squad
I think Arian "the Barbarian" Foster sounds good to me, I always find myself yelling that at the tv when he does something good.
 
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