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Old 06-22-2005   #1
throwANDREtheBALL
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Default Miracles we need / Why we need them

Here's a few miracles we need to get into the playoffs.

Problem Position - Tight End

Solution - sign Bubba Franks (seems like too much of a complete Tight End for Casserly to sign though. He likes the guys that do one thing or the other.) Mark Bruener is looking more and more like an Offensive Tackle. And Billy Miller is looking more and more like a slow wide receiver that can't get open.

So, we need a miracle from the guy they signed instead of Franks.

TE - Marcellus Rivers turns out to be a two-way threat that can block and is a red zone stud. Yeah, he can block, but if he can get consistent separation, it would be a miracle.


Problem Position - Center

Only possible temporary solution - We sign a C - Genarro Dinapoli or a G - Dan Neil and convert him to Center...either way, they're both better than Steve "push me back" Mckinney.

Seems like Casserly and co. think that the only O-lineman signing they needed was OT Victor Riley, so we need a miracle.

C - Todd Washington finally shows some decent footwork and gives carr the pocket to step into. Or Hodgdon learns the playbook over the next few weeks and walks into Training Camp and wows em'. Both would be miracles.


Problem Position - Left Tackle

Solution - Pitts gets moved to LT and improves on his 2003 year at LT. He's shown flashes of brilliance in the past and also some flashes of confusion. Hopefully he can clear up the latter.

The coaching staff seems to be dumbfounded when it comes to placing the lineman in the positions that they would fit best.

LT - The coaching staff once again looks at height and reach, instead of gametape. Thus placing Wand or Riley into the LT position. Wand is still a project and still seems a year or two away from fully grasping the position. Riley gets the position by default and last one quarter before Carr is seriously injured. Riley walks off the field, gets into his car and crashes into the nearest loved one he sees. The miracle here was for Riley that an NFL team actually signed him.


P.S. I was able to smuggle a tape recorder into the Texans facility right after they signed Victor Riley, unfortunately Palmer had fallen asleep due to exertion and needed another nap........but, here's the best part.

Casserly talking to Capers, "Well, I did it, I fixed our O-line"
Capers replies, "What was wrong with it?"
Casserly says, "I'm not sure, but, David said that it needed to be changed"
Capers replies, "Oh, yeah, now I remember, who did we get?"
Casserly excitedly exclaims, "Victor 'smash-up derby' Riley"
"Yeah, he's got such a mean streak that he crashed into his own wife and kid on purpose"
Capers replies, "Awesome, he'll be another good blocking Tight End"
Casserly retorts, "No, he's a washed up Right Tackle, now David will quit his whining, since we signed a big and slow Offensive Lineman.
Capers replies, "Don't we already have enough big and slow lineman?"
Casserly calmy says, "I don't know, I've always thought that the bigger they are the better blockers they are."
Capers replies, "Yeah, maybe your right, I don't care, as long as we can go out and sign another backup linebacker."
Casserly joyfully exclaims, "Yeah, we can focus on Linebacker again now since our O-line is all set.
Capers surferly replies, "Yeah, cool man, another castoff linebacker. Narly"
Casserly states, "I'm getting pretty darn good at doing the least and still getting credit for doing the best I could"
Capers again replies, "Yeah, I'll be happy after I get one more linebacker, just one more"
Casserly says, "Can you tell Palmer for me, I don't really like talking to him, he's got real bad breath and is always cranky, I'm glad that he's having another nap right now, he needs it. You tell him, OK?"
Capers replies, "Yeah sure, buddy, and I gave him that other message to fix the O-line for you a couple weeks ago, he got pretty cranky and said it was my fault. Poor, old coot, must've missed his nappy-poos that morning."
Casserly ignorantly replies, "You can tell David that the line is all fixed too, I'd tell him, but, I need to spend the day welcoming L.J. Shelton, he's a Left Tackle, so we're going to give him a crappy offer just in case David doesn't think that the Riley signing was enough. hahhaha, Hey its not our fault if he didn't want to sign with us, right!"


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Old 06-22-2005   #2
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LoL......... Ahh silly but true
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Old 06-22-2005   #3
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so true, so true....I love my Texans and will be there for everygame....but....the line situation is a league joke. we actually are trying to sign other team's castaways...not give 'em credit...going after Pace...but have a Plan B for once!
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Old 06-22-2005   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mmontgo
the line situation is a league joke.
There is a controversial profootball site, http://profootballtalk.com that had a link to some story that a 1000 lb. man lost nearly 600 lbs. in record time. The Dr. equavilated the poundage to that of two O-Lineman in the NFL. Anyways, they put a link to the article and also typed in parenthesis next to the Dr.'s comments that the two O-Linemen the Dr. referered to could probably get a gig with the Texans.
@ first I laughed, then got pissed, then started laughing again.
Look it up in their Daily Rumor Mill Section. This really a cool site and I check out their Rumor Mill section about twice a day.
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Old 06-22-2005   #5
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not sure if I should cry or laugh either...the biggest surprise as been how our defense as really turned out pretty decent considering no rush..now imagine a rush.

the biggest bummer as been the Oline...most are bottom tier players who might only start on teams that drafter higher than 9th. Most would not start for playoff teams. Mckinney is really the only true true starter that would, with Pitts coming in next....I think Pitts could turn out to be a decent one, maybe this or next if they stick him at guard..but the rest has been castaways and patchworking....Wand gets his A#$ handed to him everytime. So, I am praying we can put it together and be an average line...if we did this, then I think we could do some things this year, because so far we have been below average...
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Old 06-22-2005   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mmontgo
not sure if I should cry or laugh either...the biggest surprise as been how our defense as really turned out pretty decent considering no rush..now imagine a rush.

the biggest bummer as been the Oline...most are bottom tier players who might only start on teams that drafter higher than 9th. Most would not start for playoff teams. Mckinney is really the only true true starter that would, with Pitts coming in next....I think Pitts could turn out to be a decent one, maybe this or next if they stick him at guard..but the rest has been castaways and patchworking....Wand gets his A#$ handed to him everytime. So, I am praying we can put it together and be an average line...if we did this, then I think we could do some things this year, because so far we have been below average...
remember we still don't know what to expect out of our defense this year. It's been all assumptions and will continue to be assumptions until the preseason.
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Old 06-23-2005   #7
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anytime man, I figure if I can't change the things that the Front Office has done, I might as well, just laugh at it.


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Old 06-23-2005   #8
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Default hhahahhaha

I loved that one, and I totally agree.

Capers and Casserly look at semi-junky linebackers the same way a Fat kid looks at a happy meal.

I mean they're not that good at all, but these guys sure are in love with them.
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