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Old 10-22-2010   #1
SrslySirius
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Default Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan



Hi. My name is Frank Bush, defensive coordinator for the Houston Texans. I have been involved in the footballs for many years. I played linebacker in the National Footballs League and won 2 Superbowls as a coach for the Denver Broncos.

Now I know a lot of you are mad at me. You say "Hey Frank, I do not like the way you coach footballs. You are allowing too many yards and points. I could do a better job."

I must respectfully disagree. Coaching D-Fence is not as easy as it looks. This is a very complicated game, and my job requires a lot of planning and preparation. You can not just blitts every play and call it a day. The opposing coaches in the National Footballs League are too smart for that. It is a checkers match. You must adapt and react.

To give you all a little insight into what my job entails, I am going to break down our upcoming game against the Indianapolis Colts. Before I begin, I just have one question for you. Who would you rather see at the game?

Happy Paiton?



Or angry Paiton?



I think we can all agree that the correct answer is happy Paiton. You see, Paiton Manning is the most dangerous man in the footballs. He is very talented and can score a lot of points when he puts his mind to it. Getting on his bad side is awakening a sleeping giant. It is much better to keep him calm and relaxed. We want him to be a big teddy bear instead of a wild grizzly.

Now I am sure you are all wondering "Frank, how do we stop Paiton from getting too angry?"

I will be happy to answer that question. But first, let me show you the wrong way:



One of my staff members tried to add this to the playbook yesterday. I ripped it out and threw it in the garbage. Why, you ask? Take a closer look at the diagram. Does Paiton look very happy to you? No. He does not. This is incorrect strategy.

Sure, this kind of play might get a stop on 3rd downs in some situations. It might even give the O-Fence good field position and set them up for a score. But that is a very short-sighted way of looking at things. As soon as Paiton gets the ball again, he is going to go on a rampage. We do not want to play against the Incredible Hulk. We want to play against Bruce Banner.

Here is the correct scheme:



Paiton looks much happier now, would you not agree? Now he can throw a lot of short passes all day long and feel good about himself. He is not worried about exotic blitts packages. He is not spending a lot of time on the sideline analyzing film and developing strategy. He is sipping his Gatorades and talking to Justin Timberlake on his Sprint telephones. We do not have to wonder what is going on in his computer brain. We are already in his head.

I know, I know. You are thinking now "But Frank, happy Paiton scores a lot of points too. We can't win at footballs if you go easy on him all day."

You are correct. But now I have another question for you. Have you noticed any patterns this season on how my D-Fence plays in the 2nd half compared to the 1st? Think about it for a moment. You might recall games like Washington and Kansas City where the D-Fence did not look too good in the beginning, but got key stops late in the game. This was no accident.

Paiton is going to score a lot of points for the first 3 quarters. But the Houston O-Fence will usually score a lot too. It should be a pretty close game. We are going to make our move in the 4th quarter while Paiton Manning is still nice and relaxed. All of a sudden he will see different coverages and blittses. Now Paiton is very confused. He does not have time to adapt. He can not look at his computer printouts and figure out what we are doing. He has been happy for so long, there is no time to get angry.

He can get angry after the clock runs out and the Texans get a W.

I hope you have all enjoyed today's lesson. As you can see, there is a method to my madness. The Houston Texans are 4-2 and tied for first place in the division. Now that you understand my unique brand of D-Fence, I would appreciate it if you stopped calling me names on the radio and on message boards. Just sit back and enjoy the games. There is lots of good footballs left to be played.


Last edited by SrslySirius; 10-22-2010 at 05:04 PM. Reason: O-Fence
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Old 10-22-2010   #2
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

Dude, that's awesome. Where did you get the captions.
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Old 10-22-2010   #3
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

Dude... Somebody has too much time on their hands. But this is awesome!
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Old 10-22-2010   #4
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

3/5
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Old 10-22-2010   #5
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

Very entertaining take.

But I would rather see your D kicking Paiton in his footballs the first 3 quarters, so that in the 4th quarter he can't react except being so friggin' happy that someone is no longer going for his footballs.
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Old 10-22-2010   #6
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

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Originally Posted by BigBull17 View Post
Where did you get the captions.
I'm not sure what you mean.
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Old 10-22-2010   #7
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

To quote a song, I can see clearly now....
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Old 10-22-2010   #8
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

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Originally Posted by SrslySirius View Post
Paiton is going to score a lot of points for the first 3 quarters. But the Houston O-Fence will usually score a lot too. It should be a pretty close game. We are going to make our move in the 4th quarter while Paiton Manning is still nice and relaxed. All of a sudden he will see different coverages and blittses. Now Paiton is very confused. He does not have time to adapt. He can not look at his computer printouts and figure out what we are doing. He has been happy for so long, there is no time to get angry.
These lines had me bustin' a gut! Rep.
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Old 10-22-2010   #9
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

[quote=SrslySirius;1559155]

I must respectfully disagree. Coaching D-Fence is not as easy as it looks. This is a very complicated game, and my job requires a lot of planning and preparation. You can not just blitts every play and call it a day. The opposing coaches in the National Footballs League are too smart for that. It is a checkers match. You must adapt and react.
[quote=SrslySirius;1559155]

funny stuff!
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Old 10-22-2010   #10
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

funny stuff! "it's a checker's match".
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Old 10-22-2010   #11
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

Quote:
Originally Posted by SrslySirius View Post




OK man. I admit. I thought the nickname thread was dumb as hell. This is classic. Its like you did a frank bush on us with your crappy post at the beginning and then finish like this. Awesome man.

Mike
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Old 10-22-2010   #12
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

Cleverly disguised "black folks can't spell" thread...



























jk. good stuff.
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Old 10-22-2010   #13
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

Where are his big fat kindergarten crayons to draw up defensive schemes on construction paper?


Class Monday we're making paper mache Corner Backs!!!!
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Old 10-22-2010   #14
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

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Originally Posted by powerfuldragon View Post
3/5
Too harsh, Power Ranger Carlton...this was pretty good stuff.
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Old 10-22-2010   #15
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

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Originally Posted by powerfuldragon View Post
3/5
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Old 10-22-2010   #16
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

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Too harsh, Power Ranger Carlton...this was pretty good stuff.
the cardinal rule of effective trolling is that one can't get complacent. i was just trying to keep his feet warm.
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Old 10-22-2010   #17
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

ha ha this was funny... it looks like Coach Bush watches video as well. watch out Paaaaaaiiiton.
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Old 10-22-2010   #18
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

Too funny!

I'd rep ya if I could.....
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Old 10-22-2010   #19
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

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Too funny!

I'd rep ya if I could.....
got him.
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Old 10-22-2010   #20
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Default Re: Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan

Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Lou View Post
Where are his big fat kindergarten crayons to draw up defensive schemes on construction paper?


Class Monday we're making paper mache Corner Backs!!!!
Frank Bush drawing up game plans as a child.




He still uses them.
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