Go Back   Houston Texans Message Board & Forum - TexansTalk.com > The Great Fans of the Houston Texans > Texans Talk
Home Forums Register FAQDonate Automatic Monthly Contribution Members List Mark Forums Read


Texans Talk Football talk only please. Keep it to the game, the players, the coaches and management.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-10-2009   #1
GP 
Go Texans!
 
GP's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: TEXAS!
Posts: 17,747
Rep Power: 50777 GP is a quality contributor and well respectedGP is a quality contributor and well respectedGP is a quality contributor and well respectedGP is a quality contributor and well respectedGP is a quality contributor and well respectedGP is a quality contributor and well respectedGP is a quality contributor and well respectedGP is a quality contributor and well respectedGP is a quality contributor and well respectedGP is a quality contributor and well respectedGP is a quality contributor and well respected
Default GP's dose of dark humor: Colts loss edition Nov. 10 2009

Look, Larry Johnson deserves another chance.

Staying that long in K.C., with the teams they have fielded for the past several years, can do strange things to men. And it's only getting weirder with the psycho coach they have now. I mean, the guy took away their reserved parking spaces that were assigned higher values by how close the spot was to the door. Maniac!

Here's my pitch, in my best gameshow announcer voice:

Larry Johnson, step right up. You're the next contestant on "Who Wants to Win A Running Back Job in Houston."

That's right, for the remainder of this season YOU could play on a team that's actually competing for a playoff spot. You'll spend countless days around high-quality NFL players such as Andre Johnson, DeMeco Ryans, Mario Williams, and the new guy "Cush"...all of whom will help you understand the ins and outs of keeping your sanity through hard times and adversity.

Over the next seven games, you might have a chance to drive up your value and either re-negotiate terms with the Texans or use us as a stepping stone to a bigger contract with another team.

Regardless of the outcome, by signing with the Houston Texans you will receive the following parting gifts:

1. A "Hey, Where's The Sandwich Platter?!?" t-shirt from John McClain.

2. A pair of specially-designed NFL gameday shoes, created by Dunta Robinson, featuring sides made of dry-erase board so you can custom-make your own unique slogan for each game.

3. A tube of super glue, a suitcase handle, and gameday pants with the seat made out of bubble-gum from Steve Slaton. A sure hit for those "Oops!" moments every NFL running back encounters 15 or 16 times per year. On average. Give or take 10 fumbles.

4. And, last but not least...A booklet entitled "Guide to Phantom Sports Injuries" left behind by Travis Johnson. That's right, learn how to eek out numerous days upon days of mundane training and practice situations with such common maladies as "Crotch Rot," and "Heebie Jeebies," or the ever-popular and constantly misdiagnosed condition of "Fatassatitis."

Sponsors of this gameshow include:

1. www.monster.com (when you need a running back, and you need him yesterday!)

2. 60-minute Energy Drink (Because NFL games are longer than 30 minutes, aren't they?)

3. Denny's Diner & Coaching Cheat Sheet Company

4. Extenze male enhancement (when you need just a few more inches to get the job done) oh no he didn't!
__________________

Last edited by GP; 11-10-2009 at 04:08 PM.
GP is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2009   #2
50boys
Rookie
 
50boys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 57
Rep Power: 16 50boys is a Hall of Famer50boys is a Hall of Famer50boys is a Hall of Famer50boys is a Hall of Famer50boys is a Hall of Famer50boys is a Hall of Famer50boys is a Hall of Famer50boys is a Hall of Famer50boys is a Hall of Famer
Default Re: GP's dose of dark humor: Colts loss edition Nov. 10 2009

That's great.
50boys is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2009   #3
JB
Old Curmudgeon
 
JB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Willis
Age: 57
Posts: 22,395
Rep Power: 33629 JB is a quality contributor and well respectedJB is a quality contributor and well respectedJB is a quality contributor and well respectedJB is a quality contributor and well respectedJB is a quality contributor and well respectedJB is a quality contributor and well respectedJB is a quality contributor and well respectedJB is a quality contributor and well respectedJB is a quality contributor and well respectedJB is a quality contributor and well respectedJB is a quality contributor and well respected
Default Re: GP's dose of dark humor: Colts loss edition Nov. 10 2009

LMAO!

now I have to re-work all those data sheets I just soaked in ice tea!
__________________
Thanks to False Start for the sig
JB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2009   #4
Thorn 
Dirty Old Man
 
Thorn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Houston
Section: Restrained in the mental ward
Age: 63
Posts: 21,358
Rep Power: 209280 Thorn is a quality contributor and well respectedThorn is a quality contributor and well respectedThorn is a quality contributor and well respectedThorn is a quality contributor and well respectedThorn is a quality contributor and well respectedThorn is a quality contributor and well respectedThorn is a quality contributor and well respectedThorn is a quality contributor and well respectedThorn is a quality contributor and well respectedThorn is a quality contributor and well respectedThorn is a quality contributor and well respected
Default Re: GP's dose of dark humor: Colts loss edition Nov. 10 2009

Good post there GP.

Must spread rep....yadda yadda yadda....
__________________


"Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid." --- John Wayne
Thorn is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Go Back   Houston Texans Message Board & Forum - TexansTalk.com > The Great Fans of the Houston Texans > Texans Talk
Home Forums Register FAQ Members List Calendar Mark Forums Read


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:39 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Ad Management by RedTyger