Blog:25 Key Things To Watch For In The Texans' Pre-Season Opener

[Wolf]

By John Royal in Sports
Friday, Aug. 14 2009 @ 8:52AM

​With the Houston Texans kicking off pre-season play tomorrow night, I thought I would throw out a list of 25 things to watch or listen for during the game.

1. Does Matt Schaub make it through two series of plays without any type of injury?

2. What kind of stupid catchphrase is radio voice Marc Vandermeer going to trot out this season?

3. Spencer Tillman will find some way to refer to some fourth-stringer who will be among the first to be cut after the game as "great."

4. Given enough time during the game, Tillman will refer to every guy on the Texans roster as "great."

5. Gary Kubiak will, at some point, be referred to as a quarterback guru.

6. While Kubiak will be referred to as a guru, left unmentioned will be that he reportedly was the guru to John Elway and Steve Young, neither of whom needed a guru. But those that did need a guru -- Brian Griese, David Carr, etc. -- failed miserably.


7. At some point, we will all be reminded about just how wrong we were about Mario Williams. (Actually, I'm okay with this because I'll admit to having been very wrong in my assessment of Williams as a pro. The word "great" might even actually apply to him.)

8. Betting pool: how long does it take for Kubiak to lose his first replay challenge?

9. How long will it take for Steve Slaton to be referred to as undersized?

10. Betting pool: who is the first player injured? I'm going to shock everyone and go with Chris Brown instead of Matt Schaub. Primarily because Brown makes Ahman Green look like a tough bastard.

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairba...pre-season.php

[ObsiWan]

The Houston Press is about the last place I'd look for sports coverage. This is why.

[b0ng]

Wow I didn't know they were letting just regular ol joe's like you and me write articles for the Houston Press. Maybe we'll get to see an article submitted by Hervoyel or Vinny!

[ObsiWan]

Originally Posted by b0ng

Wow I didn't know they were letting just regular ol joe's like you and me write articles for the Houston Press. Maybe we'll get to see an article submitted by Hervoyel or Vinny!

You, Herv, or Vinny (or Infantry or Lucky or maybe a dozen others....) would have done a better job.

[Silver Oak]

Houston Press=locating Asian tug joints, but not so good for sports, etc.

[ChampionTexan]

Originally Posted by ObsiWan

The Houston Press is about the last place I'd look for sports coverage. This is why.

But a good place to look for mean-spirited snarkiness.

The Press pretty much appears to attempt to justify it's existence by tearing down anything and everything it can.

Edit - That and identifying Asian tug joints!

[ObsiWan]

Originally Posted by ChampionTexan

But a good place to look for mean-spirited snarkiness.

The Press pretty much appears to attempt to justify it's existence by tearing down anything and everything it can.

Edit - That and identifying Asian tug joints!

Their restaurant reviews and movie reviews used to be okay.
I confess that I haven't picked one up in years.

[b0ng]

Originally Posted by ObsiWan

Their restaurant reviews and movie reviews used to be okay.
I confess that I haven't picked one up in years.

The fact that the Houston Press is free and still doesn't get taken speaks volumes about far down they've fallen in terms of quality.

[Specnatz]

Originally Posted by ChampionTexan

But a good place to look for mean-spirited snarkiness.

The Press pretty much appears to attempt to justify it's existence by tearing down anything and everything it can.

Edit - That and identifying Asian tug joints!

Yeah the writer seems to be very very bitter about something. Maybe he needs to look in the back of the paper and find some company.

[MightyTExan]

You must have a drink everytime Tillman says "point of attack".

[m5kwatts]

I saw a bum downtown wearing a Houston Press for a diaper once. Those papers are good for something now guys.

[Wolf]

what is houstonpress? kinda like a thrifty nickel advertising page? or a free US News (the one in the grocery stores that have the weird news)

[TimeKiller]

I bet a few of these actually happen...

[b0ng]

Originally Posted by Wolf

what is houstonpress? kinda like a thrifty nickel advertising page? or a free US News (the one in the grocery stores that have the weird news)

It's an off-shoot of the Chron that's free and covers mostly local artsy fartsy stuff (Musicians, artists, resturants). They'll do "serious" news pieces for their covers, but I think it's written by people who work for a free publication.

Also there are a ton of ads for escort services in the back and the comics are usually pretty good (they had Matt Groening's "Life in Hell" for awhile).

There was a writer for them that posted on these boards last year. He actually wrote decent pieces (a lot about Bryan Pittman or something to do with him).

[Dan B.]

The Press can be ok at times. It's basically Houston's version of the Austin Chronicle. It's a weekly thing that is distributed at coffee shops , restaurants, bars, and other artsy type places around town. Some of the columnists are pretty good -- like the "Ask a Mexican" guy. That said, this column is awful. I hate when they let the way too sarcastic comic book guy write a smart ass column concerning something they are totally ignorant about.

OT but word to the wise from someone that knows: Do NOT trust the "Best of" listings for any of these type of publications. They are flat out rigged in a way that makes politicians look honest. I've worked for restaurants where your pay depended on how many votes you stuffed -- the more votes you put in, the better your station.

[NitroGSXR]

Originally Posted by Wolf

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairba...pre-season.php

I know you enjoy getting us obscure articles but this one is a bit too obscure.

[disaacks3]

Articles like this simply reinforce the need we all have to laugh at ourselves from time to time.

Overboard and a tad mean-spirited? Perhaps. Still worth a good chuckle over though.

[Second Honeymoon]

Houston Press does a good job reviewing movies and music. It is the definitive source for finding out what is 'Coming Soon' at all the local music venues and theatres. It is an asset to the community and its FREE. It is NOT where you should go for sports though. The post err blog err article was a bit mean spirited but it was really just brutally honest. The truth is kinda mean sometimes.

I am so excited for the season though. We at least are relevant now and are finally shedding the expansion label. 5.5 hours till 2009 Texans kickoff...hell yeah

[b0ng]

I think if the article was "decent" or "funny" as it was trying to be nobody would really be calling it trash but this:

19. At no point will any of the broadcasters actually refer to Grossman as The Sex Cannon (many, many, many thanks to the geniuses at Kissing Suzy Kolber for that moniker).

Don't tell me it's a sports article when this lump of **** is floating around in the middle of it. That's terrible writing and basically ripping off another blog that is funnier than this particular writer. The writer was trying to write a satyrical comedy piece and failed at every facet of satire and comedy. Whether any of it is true or not is quite irrelevant. It was based as much on the skill of the Texans and staff as it was about witty little quips about the broadcast teams.

It is, in fact, a terribly written article.