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Old 01-26-2005   #1
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Default A Light-Hearted Mock Draft

The following Mock Draft is a light-hearted response to the countless serious Mock Drafts that are out there. I will add a few each day.

With the 1st pick in the draft, the San Fransicso 49ers select Mr. Green Jeans



No surpise here, the 49ers select Mr. Green Jeans as expected. Jeans is clearly the best QB in the draft this season and the 49ers sorely need a leader. Jeans will provide leadership and a cannon for an arm. His mobility in the pocket will keep opposing defenses on the ropes. Move over Vick, Green Jeans is on the scene.
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Old 01-26-2005   #2
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With the 2nd pick in the draft, The Miami Dolphins select Greg Brady



With Jeans off the board, the Dolphins pick the #2 rated QB on the boards. Brady, no relation to Tom Brady, possesses pin-point accuracy and phenomenal range. ie: Marcia's broken nose. He is sure to surpass all of Marino's records in Miami.
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Old 01-26-2005   #3
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Plus Greg Brady is really groovy in a far out way.
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Old 01-26-2005   #4
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With the #3 pick, the Cleveland Browns select

John Kerry, QB/WR




With the new regime coming in, the Browns were in need of a franchise QB and by selecting John Kerry (who did win 3 purple hearts) they feel this was the best player available at their selection as well as extremely versatile. The attempted "catch the ball with his eyes closed" made it clear he could play QB and WR at the same time, since he did win 3 purple hearts.




As an added bonus which the team did not initially realize, Kerry can also contribute as a long snapper.

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Old 01-26-2005   #5
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The Chicago Bears, at #4 select:
Joe Horn's Cell Phone- WR

One of the most anticipated recievers in the draft and in a few years. Being around football at a young age, he was a student of the productive New Orleans reciever ,Joe Horn, following him around everywhere he went. He does not shy away from the media and some question his problematic past when he participatedd in Joe Horn's endzone celebration. Although another knock on him is that he has a tendency to lose some receptions and conduct his own play calls, his versitile and metallic-like frame makes him a very solid #4 pick for the Bears.

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Old 01-26-2005   #6
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With the #5 pick in the draft, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers select:

David Hasselhoff



With the remainder of his fanbase following in Germany, David played in a few pick-up soccer matches in Berlin.
And after cutting Martin Grammatica earlier in the season, the Bucs are looking for a "well oiled machine"....leg wise.
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Old 01-26-2005   #7
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Apparently the Browns passed on W, he's still on the board for any team needing a QB.

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Old 01-26-2005   #8
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The Tennessee Titans select Donald Trump



This is a very questionable pick by the Titans. Although, considering their owner is a pudding head, it is not that surprising. Trump could very well buy the team and move it out of Possum Holler. Expect the Titans to be relocated to Las Vegas and become known as the Gamblers as soon as Trump takes over.

HEY BUD! YOU"RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 01-26-2005   #9
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The Oakland Raiders select....

O.J. Simpson

Sure he's been out of the game for awhile, but he's proven time and time again he's got the strength and reputation to intimidate opposing defenses. After a brief flirtation with Ricky Williams the Raiders decided it was in their best interest to go with a more 'likeable' RB with his teammates. He brings a whole new dimension to the 'cut back' style running game in Oakland.
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Old 01-27-2005   #10
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The Green Bay Packers select an Ooopma Loompa
trade with Cardinals


Ooompa Doompa ooompa da dee, the Packers get a great pick indeed.

Excellent choice here for the Packers. These feisty little devils are impervious to the cold and will tame the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field. Small, quick, agile and a little bit scary, Ooompa Loompas are nearly impossible to block. Their ankle biting techniques will bring down the biggest of quarterbacks.
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Old 01-27-2005   #11
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I found an oompa loompa when I was searching for Kerry pictures and thought about doing one later on, but you beat me to it.
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Old 01-27-2005   #12
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With the 9th pick in the 2005 NFL Draft, the Washington Redskins select......



Jabba the Hut

Word out of Washington is under achieving left tackle Chris Samuels could become a cap casualty. Coach Joe Gibbs, once renouned for his "Hogs" back in the day, chooses to make Hut a new Hog.

And despite not having the quick feet of a protipical NFL left tackle, or any feet at all for that matter, Jabba's sheer girth will give him a significant advantage over the likes of the Strahan, Kearse, and the other feared pass rushers of the NFC East. One problem which Coach Gibbs will need to address is Jabba's penchant for drawing an inordinate amount of yellow laundry with his illegal tongue to face penalties. With Jabba eating up defenders, quarterback Patrick Ramsey should find himself with time to find open receivers and running back Clinton Portis many lanes to run through.
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Old 01-29-2005   #13
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Default With the tenth pick, the Detriot Lions select

The SNL Spartan Cheerleaders. In Detroit, they have drafted every position in the first and all it has gotten them is one playoff victory since 1957. Ouch.

Lions CEO Matt Millen says "We have had two constants since 1963 in this organization, William Clay Ford as the owner and no cherleaders. Mr. Ford ws kind enough to think outside the box when he hired me so I can do that dor him. I just hope it turns out just as well as my hiring."

Coach Steve Marriuci was heard saying ". . . this is exactly what this teams needs, a shot of spirit. Those two can really cheer. I know that they may not have had much success in their high school and it is a big jump, but they will be fine."


Last edited by Vinny; 01-29-2005 at 04:28 PM. Reason: Insert picture
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Old 01-29-2005   #14
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Default Can someone help me put that picture in the post?

I'm new to this board and I'm not used to the way it works.

Thanks
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Old 01-29-2005   #15
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done....you have to have a host and a path (web address).
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Old 01-29-2005   #16
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I love this mock
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Old 01-29-2005   #17
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Default With the 11th Pick the Dallas Cowboys Select...

Steve Urkel, after the retirement of Woodson, the great Dallas FS, Dallas decided to jump on the best DB in the draft. Even though he seems to be a little uncoordinated, Urkel hits like Ray Lewis and has the hands of a WR, he will fill the need for a ball-hawk in the middle of that Dallas defense.


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Old 01-30-2005   #18
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San Diego picks Re Run from Whats Happening . Big ,agile a real dancing bear. HEY HEY HEY HEY.
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Old 01-30-2005   #19
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Trading picks with the Texans, the Vikings use the 13th pick to select
Tony the Tiger



Despite arguments from the other NFL teams, Paul Taglibue approves Minnesota's selection of Tony the Tiger. There is no written rule in the NFL rules prohibiting animals from playing in the league. It is not unprecedented however, most will recall Gus the Kicking Mule playing in the NFL for the now defunct Atoms.

Tony the Tiger should prove to be dominating as linebacker, he is after all, a 500 pound bengal tiger with a 2.9 40. Not only that, Tony has 12 essential vitamins and minerals and is part of a complete breakfast.
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Old 01-30-2005   #20
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Mel Kiper reports that rumors are circling that Cincy is targeting Jar Jar Binks in the Draft. with JJ on board it gives the franchise some credibility and dispells any rumors (with the fans) that they ARE trying to win and compete in the NFL after years of being bottom feeders... Rumors also are circulating that Jar Jar could be the the 1st person to be a GM/player in the league
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