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ESPN Page 2 "Mocking the Mock"
Mocking the Mock Draft
by Gregg Easterbrook
TMQ's Mock Draft (First Round)
1. Houston Texans: Dick Cheney, novice marksman, Ducks Unlimited
The Texans will switch to the shotgun formation. Instead of "Hike," Houston quarterbacks will yell "Pull!" Ducks Unlimited says its members "celebrate the traditions and the heritage of sport hunting as an integral part of sound wildlife management." So Cheney wasn't trying to kill ducks, he was engaged in sound wildlife management.
2. New Orleans Saints: Hans Brinker, Dutch 8-year-old
Alone and frightened, Brinker spent the night with his hand on a levee breech to save the town of Haarlem. If this had happened in 2005 rather than in the 19th century, Brinker would have called a press conference to deny that anything was wrong with the dikes.
3. Tennessee Titans: Lizette Atkinson through Scott Winsett, video game designers, Ensemble Studios
Ensemble's "Age of Mythology: The Titans" "transports players to a time when heroes did battle with monsters of legend and the gods intervened." Many monsters are on the Titans' schedule this fall, and divine intervention might be the team's best hope.
4. New Jersey Jets: Blackstar, secret jet program
According to the aerospace industry publication Aviation Week and Space Technology, which yours truly calls Aviation Leak and Space Terminology, the Pentagon quietly removed from mothballs the parts of the old XB-70 supersonic bomber, canceled in 1966, and assembled them into Blackstar, a carrier aircraft capable of launching a small manned spaceplane. Whether Blackstar has launched covertly an Air Force astronaut into orbit is unknown, but the magazine offered credible sightings, including from an F-15 pilot, of Blackstar and its baby spacecraft in flight. Since the public Jets aren't doing too well, maybe a clandestine jet is what the Jersey/B franchise needs. (Note: The Blackstar is white. This is, after all, the Pentagon we are talking about.)
5. Green Bay Packers: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark
Hamlet couldn't make up his mind -- just like Brett Favre. At least Hamlet did not call press conferences to announce he had nothing to announce or give non-stop "exclusive" interviews about his indecision on whether to attack Claudius. "Exclusive" once meant, "Yours is the only news organization I am speaking to." In Favre's case "exclusive" means, "Yours is the only news organization I am speaking to at this particular instant."
Last edited by D-Rob23; 04-25-2006 at 02:24 PM.
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I was wondering where this was, he was writing for NFL.com last year.
Thanks for the find.
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