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Old 07-29-2013   #1
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Default [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans




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Your coach: Gary Kubiak, who always makes sure to tip his hairdresser a little something extra any time she gives him the "Full Saban." Now flip up that microphone so you can do some real face-to-face yellin', Coach! It's the modern-day coaching equivalent of putting your sunglasses on top of your head. YOU MUST RESPECT THE AUTHORITY OF MY HEADSET.
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Your quarterback: Angry kabob vendor Matt Schaub, who is quarterbacking's version of a pitcher who "gives you innings." You have already seen the best of Matt Schaub. He will get no better. You know how Joe Flacco is a boring quarterback who magically improves in the postseason? Matt Schaub is just like that, minus the magic part.
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Old 07-29-2013   #2
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

Hahaha! Angry kabob vendor Schaub! That is hilarious!!!
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Old 07-29-2013   #3
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

Nailed the qb
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Old 07-29-2013   #4
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

Everybody knows the real Browns are in Baltimore. That team wearing the Browns uniforms are pretenders.

So, claiming that their misery is somehow superior to ours was a swing and a miss. Other than that, pretty funny.
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Old 07-29-2013   #5
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Originally Posted by paycheck71 View Post
Everybody knows the real Browns are in Baltimore. That team wearing the Browns uniforms are pretenders.

So, claiming that their misery is somehow superior to ours was a swing and a miss. Other than that, pretty funny.
Their fans misery hasn't changed any. I'm sure most fans of the old Browns teams didn't just start rooting for the Ravens, just like most Oilers fans didn't start cheering for the Titans.
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Old 07-29-2013   #6
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

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Their fans misery hasn't changed any. I'm sure most fans of the old Browns teams didn't just start rooting for the Ravens, just like most Oilers fans didn't start cheering for the Titans.
That's the whole point. The guy is claiming we can't be diehards because we didn't grow up with the team. And then throwing the Browns out as an example of fans who've been miserable with their team forever. None of the current Browns fans grew up with Browns v2.0
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Old 07-29-2013   #7
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

Loved this one:

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The four worst Texans ever:

1. David Carr

2. David Carr's family

3. Loretta Devine

4. Steve Slaton. Remember that one year when Slaton was a first-round fantasy draft choice and then IMMEDIATELY lost his job? Steve Slaton is a BAG OF ****.
Obviously they posted on the old board and argued with Hulk75.
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Old 07-30-2013   #8
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

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Your 2012 record: 12-4. Only four of those victories came against teams with winning records. When you win the AFC South, you amass the majority of your wins in the bowels of CBS's Sunday afternoon schedule, with Bill Macatee on play-by-play and some sort of talking walrus doing the color commentary. Whenever the Texans were let out of that broadcasting spiderhole to play a REAL team (Packers, Patriots) last season, they were obliterated.
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You can watch the Texans all season long and think to yourself, Hey! They're kind of not ****ty! THAT COULD BE A TEAM THAT GOES PLACES! You can talk yourself into thinking that they're ready to unseat a traditional AFC superpower. You can get really excited about that prospect! You can envision them dethroning the Patriots in your mind and it SEEMS so very plausible. And then the time comes for them to actually play and they fall behind 31-13 before you've even had a chance to open up a bag of chips. And you think to yourself, God, I'm so dumb! I should have known that they had no ****ing prayer!
Tell me you haven't had that train of thought go through your head as a Texans fan.
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Old 07-30-2013   #9
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

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Originally Posted by eriadoc View Post
Tell me you haven't had that train of thought go through your head as a Texans fan.
Too often:

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Old 07-30-2013   #10
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

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Originally Posted by eriadoc View Post
Tell me you haven't had that train of thought go through your head as a Texans fan.


Still do. But I will continue to watch to see if I am wrong.

Too much kool aid and I am afraid I will become like the delusional cowgirl fans.

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Old 07-30-2013   #11
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

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Originally Posted by eriadoc View Post
Tell me you haven't had that train of thought go through your head as a Texans fan.
I thought about it. But we put a whup'n on Denver & Baltimore & pretty much ended Chicago's play off hopes. Can't win them all. Nobody else does.
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Old 07-30-2013   #12
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

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I thought about it. But we put a whup'n on Denver & Baltimore & pretty much ended Chicago's play off hopes. Can't win them all. Nobody else does.
Well sure. But only the most delusional thought the Texans were going to beat the Pats in the playoffs.
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Old 07-30-2013   #13
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

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Originally Posted by eriadoc View Post
Well sure. But only the most delusional thought the Texans were going to beat the Pats in the playoffs.
The thought would have seemed a lot less delusional, had the Texans been going into the playoffs playing the way they were earlier in the season. I was hoping for the best, but didn't really expect it to happen, largely based on their poor performance in the last 4 games of the regular season.
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Old 07-30-2013   #14
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

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Well sure. But only the most delusional thought the Texans were going to beat the Pats in the playoffs.
I'm not lying...... I was in that group.
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Old 07-30-2013   #15
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

At this point, we have had a period in time where we were the best team in the NFL (when, yes, everyone was really trying); but, it just wasn't at the end of the year or in the playoffs. Maybe we will do it again in the playoffs some time in the future. Maybe not, but it was pretty much inevitable that it would happen at a less important time first.

Some teams also go through being one of the best at the end of a season, but they sucked so bad early that they don't even make the playoffs. This can even happen to a team that then comes out and sucks again the next year. One difference is that they are not usually THE BEST.

We were THE BEST in the NFL for a while. Now we just need to sustain it when it really matters most.

All you can do is keep trying.
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Old 07-30-2013   #16
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

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The thought would have seemed a lot less delusional, had the Texans been going into the playoffs playing the way they were earlier in the season. I was hoping for the best, but didn't really expect it to happen, largely based on their poor performance in the last 4 games of the regular season.
I had the Patriots handily beating the Ravens in the AFC Championship game. & I knew San Francisco was going to win the Super Bowl.

Both teams were playing much better than the Ravens the previous week. The Bradies whupped us & Kaepernick was a one man highlight reel. & that defense...

The Ravens got really, really, really lucky two weeks in a row going into New England & they got really lucky to beat San Francisco.

Nothing wrong with being lucky, I'm just saying the Ravens weren't playing any better than we were going into the play offs. Ray Rice, their best player pretty much disappeared & Flacco stepped up (becoming their best player).

I was hoping we'd get some of that luck that won the Detroit game for us.
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Old 07-30-2013   #17
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

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I was hoping we'd get some of that luck that won the Detroit game for us.
It seems our luck ran down the side of Matt Slauson's leg in week 5 last year.
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Old 07-30-2013   #18
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

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It seems our luck ran down the side of Matt Slauson's leg in week 5 last year.
Or it ran down the inside of Matt Schaub's leg the last 6 games of the season.
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Old 07-31-2013   #19
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

The Titans team sucks one is the best because it is so Budtastic.

That and I snuck the BESF video in the mix. Because why not. /Overalls'd
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Old 07-31-2013   #20
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Default Re: [DeadSpin]Why your team sucks 2013: Houston Texans

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The Titans team sucks one is the best because it is so Budtastic.

That and I snuck the BESF video in the mix. Because why not. /Overalls'd
There is a thread in the Rivalry forum on the Titans suck post.
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