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Texans Talk Football talk only please. Keep it to the game, the players, the coaches and management.

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Old 10-04-2012   #1
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Default ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

This is a helluva' long article guys and gals! Made me laugh a lot, mostly because it's things we talk about ALL THE TIME on here. Seriously, it's like the author has been on this board for years or something. It's eery creepy cool. The author says he's been covering the Texans as an ESPN The Magazine writer for many years now.

I seriously only pasted about half of the article. It should be read a little each day, broken into a series or something. LOL! Enjoy.

Quote:
My point is: Don’t be ashamed. You’re not alone. I know you take a great deal of special pride in being The Football Guy. You know, all those fantasy football teams you run, that one triple-reverse you orchestrated to win your flag football championship, and that one time you’re pretty sure you sat two seats away from Dermontti Dawson on that flight to Lexington.

So stop cramming late at night and beating yourself up during the day over the fact that the 4-0 Texans are the hottest, coolest, trendiest team in the NFL right now -- and you, my so-called die-hard NFL junkie friend, don’t know the first thing about them.

Now, stop it, you can’t blame this on the replacement refs, too. It’s not their fault.

The truth is, while a first-class organization all the way, the actual Texans team has been a bit of a nonfactor for most of its first decade. (The only reason I know this is I’ve been writing about them seemingly nonstop in ESPN The Magazine, ever since we first declared them the "It" team, oh, um ... [cough] four years ago .... ahhhheeemmm.)

So it’s understandable, newbie, that you still might want to add a "W" or a "P" or god knows what else to the pronunciation of QB Matt Schaub’s name. (Between you and me: it goes SH- plus OBB and rhymes with JOB.)

Or that you thought J.J. Watt was some kind of energy-efficient light bulb, not a Texans defensive end who is my Defensive Player of the Year for the first quarter of the season (7.5 sacks already).

Or that you once asked about tickets to "Battle Red," thinking it was about a war movie on Mars starring Denise Richards, not a rallying cry for Houston fans, usually during divisional games late in the season, when the Texans wear their red alternate third jerseys.

Now, now, don’t worry, your secret is safe with Uncle Flem. I’m here to help.
Link to full article HERE.
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Old 10-04-2012   #2
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

Barbeque Shrimp Makes Cowboys Nauseous.
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Old 10-04-2012   #3
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

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Barbeque Shrimp Makes Cowboys Nauseous.
Is only going to work untill Jones takes Caldwell's spot full time.
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Old 10-04-2012   #4
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

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Originally Posted by Errant Hothy View Post
Is only going to work untill Jones takes Caldwell's spot full time.
Barbeque Shrimp Makes Jaguars Nauseous.
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Old 10-04-2012   #5
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

Thanks-that was some funny stuff!
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Old 10-04-2012   #6
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

Flem phlegmed it, everyone knows he likes to be called Tim. (Biakabutuka)
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Old 10-04-2012   #7
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

Quote:
Question: Whatís the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar?

Answer: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.
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Old 10-04-2012   #8
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

Dude, you are totally right.

He is a member here.
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Old 10-04-2012   #9
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

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Dude, you are totally right.

He is a member here.
Yep, he might even be closer than you think.
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Old 10-04-2012   #10
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

lol good read
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Old 10-04-2012   #11
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

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Originally Posted by GP View Post
Yep, he might even be closer than you think.
Yep it was all me who wrote that. Thnx for the share.
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Old 10-05-2012   #12
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

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Yep it was all me who wrote that. Thnx for the share.
Dammit, gg. I was trying to make people think that I wrote it.

Way to go...geez.

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Old 10-05-2012   #13
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

On Foster:

Quote:
The Saints, Giants, Jets and Bucs all had interest in signing Foster as an undrafted rookie free agent, but he picked the Texans based on Internet research conducted by ... his girlfriend.
On Schaub:

Quote:
Yeah, he lost part of his ear on a gruesome hit a few weeks ago. But donít bring this up. Either refer to him as the Player of the Ear or joke that he really likes to send Johnson on those deep Van Gogh routes.
Interesting and funny stuff in that article. A good read, thanks for posting GP.
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Old 10-05-2012   #14
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

I thought Foster chose us because we offered a longer contract than the other teams did.

Good read, thanks for posting.
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Old 10-05-2012   #15
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

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Dammit, gg. I was trying to make people think that I wrote it.

Way to go...geez.

Naw, nobody was going there. The article wasn't long enough for that.
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Old 10-05-2012   #16
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Originally Posted by GlassHalfFull View Post
Naw, nobody was going there. The article wasn't long enough for that.
I will maybe laugh about this tomorrow.

Or plot your message board demise.

j/k

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Old 10-05-2012   #17
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Default Re: ESPN's special article: Don't know the Texans? Let's help you get to know them...

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Originally Posted by GlassHalfFull View Post
Naw, nobody was going there. The article wasn't long enough for that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by GP View Post
I will maybe laugh about this tomorrow.

Or plot your message board demise.

j/k

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Old 10-05-2012   #18
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Good read. Of course, in this nascent phase of the Texans bandwaggoner era, I would have fun messing with real fake fans by reminiscing about the glory days of the much-feared halfback pass, the keen scouting insight of our first GM, and the wide receiving skills of Chester Pitts. I'm hearing an imaginary "Yeah dog, he was tha bomb!" as I type this.
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