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Old 11-16-2012   #1
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Default Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

Here's where we list out all the ridiculous circumstances that would have to take place for the Jaguars to actually beat the Texans this Sunday.


I'll go first:

1. Mexico invades Texas, instead of sending any sort of military the governments involved decide it would be much easier to just send the Bulls on Parade to run them back out of town. Of course, they would be successful but they can only dominate one team per week so the Jaguars would win by forfeit.
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Old 11-16-2012   #2
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

The team plays as lousy as they did against GB: penalties, mistakes, lethargy..

TJ
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Old 11-16-2012   #3
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

Blaine Gabbert plays well,
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Old 11-16-2012   #4
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

The team hotel loses power in the middle of the night and everyone associated with the Texans sleeps in until the start of the 4th quarter. The team gets on the field with 1 minute to go in the game. They are already down 14 - 4 (Gabbert sacked himself twice for safeties). The Texans offense drives the ball down for a TD. With 4 seconds left, Graham tries an onside kick but trips on a pidgeon that flew down right in front of the tee. The ball only travels 2 yards. After the Jags get the ball back, the Ninja bursts threw the line causing a fumble. Barwin recovers the ball but time has expired. Damn pidgeon.
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Last edited by Exascor; 11-16-2012 at 10:03 AM.
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Old 11-16-2012   #5
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

Plain Garbage, I have no hope!


Quote:
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Blaine Gabbert plays well,
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Old 11-16-2012   #6
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

Quote:
Originally Posted by speedfreek View Post
The team plays as lousy as they did against GB: penalties, mistakes, lethargy..

TJ
Geez....

Quote:
Originally Posted by NastyNate View Post
How quickly you forget the ole defense. If we show up flat we could drop another one, Texans better take the jags seriously.
As seriously as you and speedfreak are taking this thread or serious like Ben Roethlisberger's injury?

Quote:
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Blaine Gabbert plays well,
Now THERE'S an unlikely scenario!!!
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Old 11-16-2012   #7
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

Texans' players go to strike and decided to skip VS Jags' game over Gatorade charges at practice site.

Bob's comment: We decided to charge $1 per bottle at practice site
Interviewer: Why?
Bob's comment: Because, I can.

J Jo's comment: Ohhhh mannnnn, I went through this in Cincy. Not again!

Last edited by SAMURAITEXAN; 11-16-2012 at 06:34 PM.
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Old 11-16-2012   #8
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

Texans coaches take the players to the mall and the movies on Saturday where they are all offered a "chocolate covered pretzel" by a guy who looks a lot like Blaine Gabbert in a brown wig



This results in the entire 53 man roster calling in sick the next day. The Texans are expected to forfeit but instead Rick signs 3 good street free agents and Alex Gibbs to the active roster along with the entire practice squad who give us 11 players who will play both offense and defense with less than an hour to learn their positions on both sides of the ball. Goodell signs off on this plan provided the Texans promise not to give Gabbert a concussion. Gary and Wade both pinky-swear to this and the game is on.

Jags eek out a close 27-24 win over the Texans thanks to a bad call in the closing seconds by referee Jerome Bogert.

Only way it could possibly happen.
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Old 11-16-2012   #9
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheIronDuke View Post
Blaine Gabbert plays well,
He's still in the NFL? Surely its a typo.
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Old 11-16-2012   #10
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

No, the only typo is that I somehow left a comma instead of a period at the end of the sentence and now that it's been quoted multiple times I can't change it and it's driving me crazy.
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Old 11-16-2012   #11
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Lou View Post
He's still in the NFL? Surely its a typo.
Yes. It was supposed to say Byron Leftwich. His reporting is worse than the comical.

Mike
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Old 11-16-2012   #12
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

How quickly you forget the ole defense. If we show up flat we could drop another one, Texans better take the jags seriously.
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Old 11-16-2012   #13
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

Texas secedes from union. Jax players can't get work visas and aren't able to immigrate into Texas. Roger Goodel forces us to forfeit
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Old 11-16-2012   #14
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

Quote:
Originally Posted by gtexan02 View Post
Texas secedes from union. Jax players can't get work visas and aren't able to immigrate into Texas. Roger Goodel forces us to forfeit
Of all the scenarios put forth, I see this one as the most likely.
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Old 11-16-2012   #15
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

I'm betting that the Texans as a team are taking the Jags seriously. But we dominate them when they have Gabbert in there and he's the most worstest QB I've ever seen that I seriously don't know how they'll generate any offense without MJD.
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Old 11-16-2012   #16
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

Zombie Apocalypse. UFOs. Comet strikes.

There are lots of valid reasons in my opinion.
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Old 11-16-2012   #17
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

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Old 11-16-2012   #18
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

i would rather they spent a few days preparing for the lions.. they can beat the jags with no preparation.. talent vs talent, they dont stack up to the texans..
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Old 11-16-2012   #19
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

Quote:
Originally Posted by TimeKiller View Post
Here's where we list out all the ridiculous circumstances that would have to take place for the Jaguars to actually beat the Texans this Sunday.


I'll go first:

1. Mexico invades Texas, instead of sending any sort of military the governments involved decide it would be much easier to just send the Bulls on Parade to run them back out of town. Of course, they would be successful but they can only dominate one team per week so the Jaguars would win by forfeit.
Sorry this scenario is highly unlikely. To wit:

- The first string is sent to handle the invasion, which it does successfully since Wade is in charge of tactics. In fact, they make it back to see the whole 4th qtr. But they can't play since they were declared inactive.

- Our second string and a few practice squaddies play the Jags. Kubiak gives them holy hell because they only win by 7. The Pink Soapers briefly appear...

A couple of unexpected consequences...
- Vegas takes a bath on the game, since they are unaware of our split squad action, they still have the spread at 14+ pts.

- One of our stalwart TT members, who shall remain un-named (TexanBill), makes an abs-so-lute killing but gives it all back during his post-game visits to certain "gentlemen's establishments". He doesn't remember any of it.
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Old 11-16-2012   #20
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Default Re: Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...

If a little kid prays that the Jags start winning and we have a virtual re-enactment of Angels in the Outfield with football instead of baseball with angels magically helping and guiding the players. Then, God trades the ghost of Walter Payton to the Jags to help out sneaking into Jennings body and toting the pill like the good ole days. With all of that they'd probably have a 75% chance of winning. If they get the ghost of Lombardi too then we're screwed.
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