Your coach: Gary Kubiak, who always makes sure to tip his hairdresser a little something extra any time she gives him the "Full Saban." Now flip up that microphone so you can do some real face-to-face yellin', Coach! It's the modern-day coaching equivalent of putting your sunglasses on top of your head. YOU MUST RESPECT THE AUTHORITY OF MY HEADSET.
Your quarterback: Angry kabob vendor Matt Schaub, who is quarterbacking's version of a pitcher who "gives you innings." You have already seen the best of Matt Schaub. He will get no better. You know how Joe Flacco is a boring quarterback who magically improves in the postseason? Matt Schaub is just like that, minus the magic part.