1. Detroit Lions: Matt Stafford, QB, Georgia
2. Cincinnati Bengals: Michael Oher, OT, Ole Miss
3. Kansas City Chiefs: Brian Orakpo, DE, Texas
4. San Francisco 49ers: Eugene Monroe, OT, Virginia
5. Oakland Raiders: Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland
Darrius Heyward-Bey before Michael Crabtree? Did I miss the Texas-Texas Tech game? Have I lost my mind? No, but Al Davis has.
Heyward-Bey is going to put on a show at the combine. If Undead Al is coherent enough to watch it, I have no doubt in my mind the following will enter his mind when he watches Heyward-Bey work out:
"Wow, this guy just ran a 4.31 at 6-2, 205! He's going to be the greatest player of all time! I must draft him, but first I must take some virgin blood to extend my lifespan and then forge some documents so I can fire my coach without paying him!"
Hey, don't question the scouting methods of the Undead.
6. Seattle Seahawks: Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech
7. St. Louis Rams: Andre Smith, OT, Alabama
8. Houston Texans: Taylor Mays, S, USC
Based on the e-mails I receive, it seems like Taylor Mays' 40 time drops a tenth of a second every couple of days. Don't be shocked if he runs a 1.7 at the combine, causing Al Davis to crap his pants.
Basically the Best Player Available formula for a team really hurting for defense. It's not like safety isn't a need, anyway. Poor Texans fans had to watch Ben Roethlisberger, Kerry Collins, David Garrard and Gus Frerotte dissect their stop unit to exact precision this season. Now, C.C. Brown is out for the year and the always-overrated Will Demps has been benched. Houston's defense is a mess.
9. San Diego Chargers: Rey Maualuga, ILB, USC
10. Jacksonville Jaguars: Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois
11. Cleveland Browns: Chris Wells, RB, Ohio State
12. Denver Broncos: James Laurinaitis, ILB, Ohio State
13. Miami Dolphins: Malcolm Jenkins, CB, Ohio State
14. Green Bay Packers: Greg Hardy, DE, Ole Miss
15. Indianapolis Colts: Sen'Derrick Marks, DT, Auburn
16. New Orleans Saints: William Moore, S, Missouri
17. Minnesota Vikings: Tim Tebow, QB, Florida
18. Detroit Lions: Ciron Black, OT, LSU
19. Buffalo Bills: Aaron Curry, OLB, Wake Forest
20. New York Jets: Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia
21. New England Patriots: D.J. Moore, CB, Vanderbilt
22. Atlanta Falcons: Terrence Cody, NT, Alabama
23. Chicago Bears: Michael Johnson, DE, Georgia Tech
24. Arizona Cardinals: Alex Mack, C, California
25. Baltimore Ravens: Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri
26. Philadelphia Eagles: Duke Robinson, G, Oklahoma
27. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Percy Harvin, WR, Florida
28. Washington Redskins: Trevard Lindley, CB, Kentucky
29. Philadelphia Eagles: Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State
30. Pittsburgh Steelers: Victor Harris, CB, Virginia Tech
31. New York Giants: Brian Cushing, OLB, USC
32. Tennessee Titans: Terrance Taylor, DT, Michigan