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View Full Version : Unlikely Scenarios That Cause A Jaguars Victory This Weekend...


TimeKiller
11-16-2012, 07:21 AM
Here's where we list out all the ridiculous circumstances that would have to take place for the Jaguars to actually beat the Texans this Sunday.


I'll go first:

1. Mexico invades Texas, instead of sending any sort of military the governments involved decide it would be much easier to just send the Bulls on Parade to run them back out of town. Of course, they would be successful but they can only dominate one team per week so the Jaguars would win by forfeit.

speedfreek
11-16-2012, 07:25 AM
The team plays as lousy as they did against GB: penalties, mistakes, lethargy..

TJ

TheIronDuke
11-16-2012, 07:31 AM
Blaine Gabbert plays well,

NastyNate
11-16-2012, 07:32 AM
How quickly you forget the ole defense. If we show up flat we could drop another one, Texans better take the jags seriously.

gtexan02
11-16-2012, 07:43 AM
Texas secedes from union. Jax players can't get work visas and aren't able to immigrate into Texas. Roger Goodel forces us to forfeit

Exascor
11-16-2012, 07:45 AM
The team hotel loses power in the middle of the night and everyone associated with the Texans sleeps in until the start of the 4th quarter. The team gets on the field with 1 minute to go in the game. They are already down 14 - 4 (Gabbert sacked himself twice for safeties). The Texans offense drives the ball down for a TD. With 4 seconds left, Graham tries an onside kick but trips on a pidgeon that flew down right in front of the tee. The ball only travels 2 yards. After the Jags get the ball back, the Ninja bursts threw the line causing a fumble. Barwin recovers the ball but time has expired. Damn pidgeon.

TheIronDuke
11-16-2012, 07:46 AM
I'm betting that the Texans as a team are taking the Jags seriously. But we dominate them when they have Gabbert in there and he's the most worstest QB I've ever seen that I seriously don't know how they'll generate any offense without MJD.

Thorn
11-16-2012, 08:24 AM
Zombie Apocalypse. UFOs. Comet strikes.

There are lots of valid reasons in my opinion.

TejasTom
11-16-2012, 08:34 AM
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dm5Hb8SiBmI/Tz7cDWYUv2I/AAAAAAAAD7Q/7g_z5R8DvII/s1600/Giorgio_Tsoukalos.jpg

mootini
11-16-2012, 08:47 AM
The Jags might have a chance, if they picked up David Garrard! Sad times!

mootini
11-16-2012, 08:48 AM
Plain Garbage, I have no hope! :kitten:


Blaine Gabbert plays well,

Vinnie
11-16-2012, 08:53 AM
Texas secedes from union. Jax players can't get work visas and aren't able to immigrate into Texas. Roger Goodel forces us to forfeit

Of all the scenarios put forth, I see this one as the most likely.

TimeKiller
11-16-2012, 09:10 AM
The team plays as lousy as they did against GB: penalties, mistakes, lethargy..

TJ

Geez....

How quickly you forget the ole defense. If we show up flat we could drop another one, Texans better take the jags seriously.

As seriously as you and speedfreak are taking this thread or serious like Ben Roethlisberger's injury?

Blaine Gabbert plays well,

Now THERE'S an unlikely scenario!!!

SAMURAITEXAN
11-16-2012, 09:28 AM
Texans' players go to strike and decided to skip VS Jags' game over Gatorade charges at practice site.

Bob's comment: We decided to charge $1 per bottle at practice site
Interviewer: Why?
Bob's comment: Because, I can.

J Jo's comment: Ohhhh mannnnn, I went through this in Cincy. Not again!

Hervoyel
11-16-2012, 09:50 AM
Texans coaches take the players to the mall and the movies on Saturday where they are all offered a "chocolate covered pretzel" by a guy who looks a lot like Blaine Gabbert in a brown wig

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LbIpf-ugTNg/TVTBZc3mV9I/AAAAAAAAACc/WsyncFv6hHs/s1600/mallrats-stinkpalm.jpg

This results in the entire 53 man roster calling in sick the next day. The Texans are expected to forfeit but instead Rick signs 3 good street free agents and Alex Gibbs to the active roster along with the entire practice squad who give us 11 players who will play both offense and defense with less than an hour to learn their positions on both sides of the ball. Goodell signs off on this plan provided the Texans promise not to give Gabbert a concussion. Gary and Wade both pinky-swear to this and the game is on.

Jags eek out a close 27-24 win over the Texans thanks to a bad call in the closing seconds by referee Jerome Bogert.

Only way it could possibly happen.

Big Lou
11-16-2012, 01:04 PM
Blaine Gabbert plays well,

He's still in the NFL? Surely its a typo.

TheIronDuke
11-16-2012, 01:33 PM
No, the only typo is that I somehow left a comma instead of a period at the end of the sentence and now that it's been quoted multiple times I can't change it and it's driving me crazy.

Premier
11-16-2012, 01:36 PM
i would rather they spent a few days preparing for the lions.. they can beat the jags with no preparation.. talent vs talent, they dont stack up to the texans..

Texanmike02
11-16-2012, 02:04 PM
He's still in the NFL? Surely its a typo.

Yes. It was supposed to say Byron Leftwich. His reporting is worse than the comical.

Mike

ObsiWan
11-16-2012, 05:26 PM
Here's where we list out all the ridiculous circumstances that would have to take place for the Jaguars to actually beat the Texans this Sunday.


I'll go first:

1. Mexico invades Texas, instead of sending any sort of military the governments involved decide it would be much easier to just send the Bulls on Parade to run them back out of town. Of course, they would be successful but they can only dominate one team per week so the Jaguars would win by forfeit.

Sorry this scenario is highly unlikely. To wit:

- The first string is sent to handle the invasion, which it does successfully since Wade is in charge of tactics. In fact, they make it back to see the whole 4th qtr. But they can't play since they were declared inactive.

- Our second string and a few practice squaddies play the Jags. Kubiak gives them holy hell because they only win by 7. The Pink Soapers briefly appear...

A couple of unexpected consequences...
- Vegas takes a bath on the game, since they are unaware of our split squad action, they still have the spread at 14+ pts.

- One of our stalwart TT members, who shall remain un-named (TexanBill), makes an abs-so-lute killing but gives it all back during his post-game visits to certain "gentlemen's establishments". He doesn't remember any of it.
:D

Texn4life
11-16-2012, 06:10 PM
If a little kid prays that the Jags start winning and we have a virtual re-enactment of Angels in the Outfield with football instead of baseball with angels magically helping and guiding the players. Then, God trades the ghost of Walter Payton to the Jags to help out sneaking into Jennings body and toting the pill like the good ole days. With all of that they'd probably have a 75% chance of winning. If they get the ghost of Lombardi too then we're screwed.

Pollardized
11-16-2012, 06:30 PM
That damn Mayan calendar was off by 33 days.....

drs23
11-16-2012, 09:14 PM
Sorry this scenario is highly unlikely. To wit:

- The first string is sent to handle the invasion, which it does successfully since Wade is in charge of tactics. In fact, they make it back to see the whole 4th qtr. But they can't play since they were declared inactive.

- Our second string and a few practice squaddies play the Jags. Kubiak gives them holy hell because they only win by 7. The Pink Soapers briefly appear...

A couple of unexpected consequences...
- Vegas takes a bath on the game, since they are unaware of our split squad action, they still have the spread at 14+ pts.

- One of our stalwart TT members, who shall remain un-named (TexanBill), makes an abs-so-lute killing but gives it all back during his post-game visits to certain "gentlemen's establishments". He doesn't remember any of it.
:D

Well done sir, I spewed some damn good brew. :clap:

msr

NastyNate
11-18-2012, 03:57 PM
Here's where we list out all the ridiculous circumstances that would have to take place for the Jaguars to actually beat the Texans this Sunday.


I'll go first:

1. Mexico invades Texas, instead of sending any sort of military the governments involved decide it would be much easier to just send the Bulls on Parade to run them back out of town. Of course, they would be successful but they can only dominate one team per week so the Jaguars would win by forfeit.

I hope you feel ridiculous now. Don't ever jinx us like this again. Richard!!!

JVL713
11-18-2012, 04:01 PM
Never again!!!

CretorFrigg
11-18-2012, 04:03 PM
Please never make a thread like this again.

76Texan
11-18-2012, 04:08 PM
Lol who says Texans games lack excitement

Allstar
11-18-2012, 04:09 PM
Who'da thunk all it would take is Gabbert going down to make it a game?

Doppelganger
11-18-2012, 06:36 PM
Who'da thunk all it would take is Gabbert going down to make it a game?

Considering how badly the Texans have let backup QBs burn them in the past....

TimeKiller
11-18-2012, 06:43 PM
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaa

Sorry.

Pretty good game though huh? Overtime crazy games like that are way better than blowouts. Let's just say it, the Texans completely over looked the Jags who gameplanned like it was their Super Bowl.

Gabbert actually did pretty well, he got out quick so the Jags could put in their real starter. Nice change up, fooled Wade all game long. Texans got smoked on a bunch of blitz attempts. Barely generated any pass rush. Not a good game for the defense.

Andre the Giant. Rainmaker, when it rains it pours.