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View Full Version : Alert the USDA: Over-hyped Beef Patties coming to Indianapolis


CloakNNNdagger
10-28-2010, 08:47 PM
This is something that I'm hearing and reading from many sources. It will be a pleasure come Monday night to give Peyton and his ponies a meal they can choke on.:tiphat:

Scanning The Field: The Opponent Ahead (http://www.stampedeblue.com/2010/10/28/1780351/scanning-the-field-the-opponent-ahead)

I am not buying the hype of the Houston Beef Patties this weekend. After being exposed all season its clear they aren't ‘Grade A' quality.

Paul Kuharsky of ESPN said this was the perfect week for Houston to face the injury-plagued Colts. Injuries aside, I see this weekend's marquee AFC South matchup as just the opposite.

Like their 4-2 start, Houston's team is reminiscent of a dingy burger joint where the meat looks great but you know indigestion lurks. History says be forewarned. The Moo Cows solid coaching and high-powered offense can inspire a daring sense of faith, but in the back of their minds Texan fans have to know its too good to be true. It's a similar feeling to that burger dive where the rich, savory smell pulls you inside and gives you a false sense of security. You try to convince your apprehensive buddies - "come on guys the menu says everything is well cooked, it will be fine!"

After the win over the Colts and the fast start everything seems ordained. Your burger is juicy and satisfying, prompting you to tell your friends "See, you guys are just a bunch of negative Nancy's! What were you ever worried about? These beef patties are legit!" Then a beat down by the Giants in week 3 and a loss at Dallas (another horribly over-hyped Texas team) and that heavy weight- in-the-stomach feeling starts to creep up on you. You lose Demeco Ryans right before a Primetime visit to arch-nemesis Indianapolis and suddenly things are going downhill fast. Texan fans won't admit it, but they are probably somewhere around the ‘o crap my stomach feels really queasy right now' stage. Sorry guys, it's only going to get worse.

Have I mentioned it's tough sledding playing against Peyton Manning who is 20-4 in night games? Or that the Colts have the second ranked pass offense, while the Texans stand dead last in pass coverage? What about the fact that Demeco Ryans, the captain, leader and brains of the defense, is lost for the year? (After the all the Colts injuries - I feel for you guys on that one).

I hear grumblings... Pepto Bismol, Houston fans?

On Tuesday I wrote that the Colts should employ the blur (or stampede) offense that they ran in spurts with great success against the Redskins. Washington had no answer all night. Granted this offense is not an every-down offense. It will behoove the Colts to mix up their looks and paces, further keeping the Texans off balance. Sometimes taking a breather to huddle can help refocus the offense. But if ever there was a team to exploit with the stampede, the Texans are that team.

Houston has one of the youngest and least experienced secondaries in the league. As a unit they are last in the league in nearly every statistical category and their starters have combined for 1 INT and 0 forced fumbles. The linebacking core, the strong suit of the unit until Ryans went down, can't even match that. Starting a mediocre second year corner back in Glover Quinn on one side and rookie Kareem Jackson on the other on top of losing the anchor of the defense doesn't bode well against the likes of Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne. The confusion in the Beef Patty secondary with an even more accelerated and frenetic pace will be catastrophic!

More, louder grumblings...

Then again, Peyton already knows what its like having lit up the Beef Patties for 433 yards and 3 scores all on relatively quick up-tempo drives including a methodical 12 play 75 yard drive that took only 3:49 and didn't include a play longer than 20 yards.

Cramps starting....

Yet the Colts lost. Why? Because of the emergence of Arian Foster - someone the Colts will see in heavy doses early and often. If the offense can put up those huge numbers and still lose then something must change. The formula for Colts' defense isn't complex or exotic. The focus should be on simply correcting fundamental issues with tackling and making sure to take better angles to the ball carrier. Its no secret the defense must play better. Unfortunately there isn't a scheme to fix or mask the breakdowns. Until the Colt's defense can shore up these issues, the onus falls on the offense (really nothing new). The best way to neutralize the running game is to score early and to score quickly, deluding the opposing team into believing they need to accelerate their own play to keep up.

Opposing teams around the league have certainly shown the old adage "the best defense is a good (prolonged) offense" to be true against the Colts by using their running backs to keep Peyton off the field. Shouldn't the Colts employ their version of that strategy: Start fast, score fast and let Freeney and Mathis play fast. Essentially ramp up the pace and lure the Beef Patties into doing the same. In today's pass-happy NFL, everyone knows the quickest way to score is through the air. Usually daring an elite quarterback to throw the ball is dangerous but for the Colts, it's an opportunity. The more Schaub drops back, the more Freeney and Mathis can wreak havoc (Err...be held on every single play. Sigh). Of course its highly unlikely Houston would fall for such a trap right off the bat, but rattling the opposing QB is never a bad strategy and the effect will only be aided by the added bonus of the home-crowd noise. If the Colts can jump out front and get a few stops it could be lights out for Houston.

The other advantage of the stampede is that against the Texans, it will mask the weaknesses of Peyton and the rest of the offense. One antidote to the stampede offense that the Redskins tried was the ‘time square defense' (thank you Gregg Easterbrook). The key is discipline and organization. The Redskins lacked both and looked completely lost. Other teams down the road may find it more fortuitous, but I doubt the Beef Patties will be included on that list. Historically, the Colts have struggled against two types of defenses: The 3-4 base defense and tough physical teams. 3-4 base defenses frustrate Manning because the 3-4 provides the defense an extra athlete to chase and cover the receivers. The offensive line has historically struggled picking up free blitzers - especially rushing from the linebacker spot - who come off stunt moves. The other advantage was that an athletic linebacker could drop in coverage and tail Dallas Clark. More physical defenses bother the Colts' rhythm and timing. This was on full display 2 weeks ago when the rugged Chiefs secondary bullied the Colt receivers forcing altered routes and missed throws.

Fortunately for the Colts, the Texans don't use the 3-4 and aren't known for the physicality. Working out of the more traditional Base 4-3 defense, Houston, like the Colts, relies on their speed rushers Mario Williams and Antonio Smith (Freeney-Mathis lite) to put pressure on the QB and help the rest of the defense. If the Beef Patties try the Times Square defense, Williams will be less effective rushing from the standing position (it is more difficult to gain speed and leverage standing upright). If the defense stays in their base formation, it will be hard to mix up and disguise coverages on the fly. The University of Oregon, the inspiration for the blur, torched UCLA because the cuddle bear Bruins weren't capable of mixing-up their coverage. So far this season Houston has managed decent pressure, but imagine 300 pound Beef Patty linemen sprinting up and down the field all game long. Even Super Mario needs oxygen. Take away Williams and the defensive becomes even more pedestrian. That is a thought will make every Texans fan sick to their stomach.

Disclaimer: If I am wrong and the Texans prove up to the challenge I will eat my words and every beef patty that is sent my way.

powerfuldragon
10-28-2010, 08:49 PM
let's give this guy a coronary.

Thorn
10-28-2010, 08:52 PM
Take him to Bellaire Broiler Burger. LOL

DerekLee1
10-28-2010, 08:55 PM
Here's to hoping we can send him a big a$$ box of frozen patties on Tuesday.

Texan_Bill
10-28-2010, 09:10 PM
We'll be fine!! I'm not suggesting that Monday night is a lock for a win, but the Texans will show-up and play well...

No eff it, the Texans go into Indy and will win. How? A fair to steady diet of Arian Foster, but more importantly, AJ destroying their depleted secondary...

That said, I think the very first offensive play should be the Texans lining up in the "I" w/ a tight end, AJ lining up outside and coming in motion towards the middle of the field. Hand the ball off to Foster and then.......




Wait!!!





Wait for it!








Have AJ make a double move, Foster pitches the ball back to Schaub and he launches a bomb to AJ... Whether the play is successful or not, it would certainly cause the Colts to wonder about the Texans game plan. Colts would be thinking: "Are we gonna let AF go off for 200+ yards, are we going to let Schaub throw the ball over the yard..... and oh yeah, we can make no assumptions based on the Texans formations"

JB
10-28-2010, 09:43 PM
Then a beat down by the Giants in week 3 and a loss at Dallas

Really? We lost to the Giants in week 3? And we lost at Dallas?

This Dude is Indy's version of Tk, only stupid.


That said, I would love to see this on the locker room wall of the Texans tomorrow!

CloakNNNdagger
10-28-2010, 09:56 PM
Really? We lost to the Giants in week 3? And we lost at Dallas?

This Dude is Indy's version of Tk, only stupid.


That said, I would love to see this on the locker room wall of the Texans tomorrow!

Somebody tweet the link of the article to one of the D and tell them to post it on their walls or dart board, whichever they wish..........compliment of their supporting fans.:tiphat:

JB
10-28-2010, 10:28 PM
Somebody tweet the link of the article to one of the D and tell them to post it on their walls or dart board, whichever they wish..........compliment of their supporting fans.:tiphat:

Cush just got a drop....:D

gwallaia
10-28-2010, 10:47 PM
Did anyone notice the meat and burger comparisons he used in the article?

SrslySirius
10-28-2010, 11:52 PM
Did anyone notice the meat and burger comparisons he used in the article?

LOL that article was funnay. I liked the 3rd, 7th, and 15th time that he made beef and digestion metaphors. This guy should write for SNL.

Showtime100
10-29-2010, 07:34 AM
Did anyone notice the meat and burger comparisons he used in the article?

Lol, I quit reading about half way through. I liked the theme, but geeeezus.

BeerTastesLikeVictory
10-29-2010, 08:52 AM
Did anyone notice the meat and burger comparisons he used in the article?

Well now that you mention it, yes in fact I do. Maybe I will write a rebuttal using the term "Pre-Pubescent Equines" once in every single line.

Hardcore Texan
10-29-2010, 10:03 AM
Wow, that was painful reading. Over using an analogy doesn't equal good writing. While he is accurate in some of his assessment of the Texans D, he drifts into la la land and makes a plethora of assumptions.

And we all know what happens when you assume.

Not to mention the Colts D is freaking terrible, outside there pass rush. And he calls Mario/Antonio Smith, Freeney and Mathis lite. Terrible comparison.

nero THE zero
10-29-2010, 10:15 AM
Did anyone notice the meat and burger comparisons he used in the article?

I had to read it a second time to catch them. A bit too subtle by the author. Maybe use a heavier hand next time.

Señor Stan
10-29-2010, 11:17 AM
Some problems other than the burger references...

Working out of the more traditional Base 4-3 defense, Houston, like the Colts, relies on their speed rushers Mario Williams and Antonio Smith (Freeney-Mathis lite) to put pressure on the QB and help the rest of the defense.Errr...Mario and Smith are not speed rushers.

Mario - 6'6 / 295
Smith - 6'4 / 295

Mathis - 6'2 /245
Freeney - 6'1 / 268

The term "Lite" just a tad inaccurate.

More physical defenses bother the Colts' rhythm and timing. This was on full display 2 weeks ago when the rugged Chiefs secondary bullied the Colt receivers forcing altered routes and missed throws. The same "rugged" defense that the Texans hung 35 on?

Oh, and maybe the author doesn't remember this...
but I'm sure Peyton does.

http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/439015/104025642.jpg

Hardcore Texan
10-29-2010, 11:26 AM
Exactly what I said Stan about the mathis/freeney lite comment.

Nice pic! I don't think even manning can throw accurately with his eyes closed.

Señor Stan
10-29-2010, 11:36 AM
Tuesday November 2nd somewhere in Indiana....

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRzI8KDWl93odKkICdm0pAWqmmwr3joM IEs_pVVlCQhsy37Jn0&t=1&h=165&w=224&usg=__Yi1DyhJqDJETuoDQRCzlsZ_HLw0=

Double Barrel
10-29-2010, 11:50 AM
Did anyone notice the meat and burger comparisons he used in the article?

I couldn't get past it to read if he had anything worthwhile to say. That was just a pathetic use of tired metaphors. Weak.

"Moo cows"...is this dude in kindergarten? Lame.

I'm going to be an a-hole fan now and hope Manning gets hurt. Booya! :cow: [/sarcasm]

Big Lou
10-29-2010, 03:10 PM
F this guy. "Beef Paties", really what a douche nozel.

His anology is almost good if you put it in the context of his article. It's diarhea!

Is Paul Kuharsky a pen name for Richard Justice.

Maybe I should do an article on the Colts and call them Glue or Dog Food since they have a horse mascot.



DUMB, JUST DUMB.......

CloakNNNdagger
10-29-2010, 03:21 PM
F this guy. "Beef Paties", really what a douche nozel.

His anology is almost good if you put it in the context of his article. It's diarhea!

Is Paul Kuharsky a pen name for Richard Justice.

Maybe I should do an article on the Colts and call them Glue or Dog Food since they have a horse mascot.



DUMB, JUST DUMB.......

Paul Kuharsky, an NFL writer for ESPN, didn't write this piece. In fact, he puts the Texans in light that they have a good chance against the Colts.
The author is a Colts fan..........davidpdietz@gmail.com.

Big Lou
10-29-2010, 03:33 PM
Paul Kuharsky, an NFL writer for ESPN, didn't write this piece. In fact, he puts the Texans in light that they have a good chance against the Colts.
The author is a Colts fan..........davidpdietz@gmail.com.

OK I feel dumb now. I saw red as soon as I saw the thread title, so I turned off my reading skills and lost it.

Can I negative rep myself??????

Thanks CloakNNNdagger!

CloakNNNdagger
10-29-2010, 07:29 PM
OK I feel dumb now. I saw red as soon as I saw the thread title, so I turned off my reading skills and lost it.

Can I negative rep myself??????

Thanks CloakNNNdagger!


Easy to do when that red cape is waved in front of a Texans bull!
http://fineartamerica.com/images-medium/matador-with-red-cape-ganev-smallwood.jpg

Joe Texan
10-29-2010, 08:31 PM
Email sent but I need this at the beginning of the week to be affective