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View Full Version : Frank Bush breaks down the Indy gameplan


SrslySirius
10-22-2010, 03:32 PM
http://imgur.com/LLyaa.jpg

Hi. My name is Frank Bush, defensive coordinator for the Houston Texans. I have been involved in the footballs for many years. I played linebacker in the National Footballs League and won 2 Superbowls as a coach for the Denver Broncos.

Now I know a lot of you are mad at me. You say "Hey Frank, I do not like the way you coach footballs. You are allowing too many yards and points. I could do a better job."

I must respectfully disagree. Coaching D-Fence is not as easy as it looks. This is a very complicated game, and my job requires a lot of planning and preparation. You can not just blitts every play and call it a day. The opposing coaches in the National Footballs League are too smart for that. It is a checkers match. You must adapt and react.

To give you all a little insight into what my job entails, I am going to break down our upcoming game against the Indianapolis Colts. Before I begin, I just have one question for you. Who would you rather see at the game?

Happy Paiton?

http://imgur.com/kg2Vb.jpg

Or angry Paiton?

http://imgur.com/uEGZe.jpg

I think we can all agree that the correct answer is happy Paiton. You see, Paiton Manning is the most dangerous man in the footballs. He is very talented and can score a lot of points when he puts his mind to it. Getting on his bad side is awakening a sleeping giant. It is much better to keep him calm and relaxed. We want him to be a big teddy bear instead of a wild grizzly.

Now I am sure you are all wondering "Frank, how do we stop Paiton from getting too angry?"

I will be happy to answer that question. But first, let me show you the wrong way:

http://imgur.com/TIxrg.jpg

One of my staff members tried to add this to the playbook yesterday. I ripped it out and threw it in the garbage. Why, you ask? Take a closer look at the diagram. Does Paiton look very happy to you? No. He does not. This is incorrect strategy.

Sure, this kind of play might get a stop on 3rd downs in some situations. It might even give the O-Fence good field position and set them up for a score. But that is a very short-sighted way of looking at things. As soon as Paiton gets the ball again, he is going to go on a rampage. We do not want to play against the Incredible Hulk. We want to play against Bruce Banner.

Here is the correct scheme:

http://imgur.com/6tu8K.jpg

Paiton looks much happier now, would you not agree? Now he can throw a lot of short passes all day long and feel good about himself. He is not worried about exotic blitts packages. He is not spending a lot of time on the sideline analyzing film and developing strategy. He is sipping his Gatorades and talking to Justin Timberlake on his Sprint telephones. We do not have to wonder what is going on in his computer brain. We are already in his head.

I know, I know. You are thinking now "But Frank, happy Paiton scores a lot of points too. We can't win at footballs if you go easy on him all day."

You are correct. But now I have another question for you. Have you noticed any patterns this season on how my D-Fence plays in the 2nd half compared to the 1st? Think about it for a moment. You might recall games like Washington and Kansas City where the D-Fence did not look too good in the beginning, but got key stops late in the game. This was no accident.

Paiton is going to score a lot of points for the first 3 quarters. But the Houston O-Fence will usually score a lot too. It should be a pretty close game. We are going to make our move in the 4th quarter while Paiton Manning is still nice and relaxed. All of a sudden he will see different coverages and blittses. Now Paiton is very confused. He does not have time to adapt. He can not look at his computer printouts and figure out what we are doing. He has been happy for so long, there is no time to get angry.

He can get angry after the clock runs out and the Texans get a W.

I hope you have all enjoyed today's lesson. As you can see, there is a method to my madness. The Houston Texans are 4-2 and tied for first place in the division. Now that you understand my unique brand of D-Fence, I would appreciate it if you stopped calling me names on the radio and on message boards. Just sit back and enjoy the games. There is lots of good footballs left to be played.

http://imgur.com/JAWM9.jpg

BigBull17
10-22-2010, 03:39 PM
Dude, that's awesome. Where did you get the captions.

rmartin65
10-22-2010, 03:41 PM
Dude... Somebody has too much time on their hands. But this is awesome!

powerfuldragon
10-22-2010, 03:42 PM
3/5

CloakNNNdagger
10-22-2010, 03:48 PM
Very entertaining take.

But I would rather see your D kicking Paiton in his footballs the first 3 quarters, so that in the 4th quarter he can't react except being so friggin' happy that someone is no longer going for his footballs.:)

SrslySirius
10-22-2010, 04:48 PM
Where did you get the captions.

I'm not sure what you mean.

jaayteetx
10-22-2010, 04:57 PM
To quote a song, I can see clearly now....

DexmanC
10-22-2010, 04:58 PM
Paiton is going to score a lot of points for the first 3 quarters. But the Houston O-Fence will usually score a lot too. It should be a pretty close game. We are going to make our move in the 4th quarter while Paiton Manning is still nice and relaxed. All of a sudden he will see different coverages and blittses. Now Paiton is very confused. He does not have time to adapt. He can not look at his computer printouts and figure out what we are doing. He has been happy for so long, there is no time to get angry.


These lines had me bustin' a gut! Rep.

utahmark
10-22-2010, 05:07 PM
[QUOTE=SrslySirius;1559155]

I must respectfully disagree. Coaching D-Fence is not as easy as it looks. This is a very complicated game, and my job requires a lot of planning and preparation. You can not just blitts every play and call it a day. The opposing coaches in the National Footballs League are too smart for that. It is a checkers match. You must adapt and react.
[QUOTE=SrslySirius;1559155]

funny stuff!

utahmark
10-22-2010, 05:08 PM
funny stuff! "it's a checker's match".

Texanmike02
10-22-2010, 05:29 PM
http://imgur.com/LLyaa.jpg



http://imgur.com/JAWM9.jpg

OK man. I admit. I thought the nickname thread was dumb as hell. This is classic. Its like you did a frank bush on us with your crappy post at the beginning and then finish like this. Awesome man.

Mike

ThaShark316
10-22-2010, 05:41 PM
Cleverly disguised "black folks can't spell" thread...:kubepalm::wadepalm:



























jk. good stuff. :bravo:

Big Lou
10-22-2010, 06:23 PM
Where are his big fat kindergarten crayons to draw up defensive schemes on construction paper?


Class Monday we're making paper mache Corner Backs!!!!

C Madd
10-22-2010, 06:31 PM
3/5

Too harsh, Power Ranger Carlton...this was pretty good stuff.

SrslySirius
10-22-2010, 07:05 PM
3/5

http://imgur.com/Hhw5q.jpg

powerfuldragon
10-22-2010, 07:11 PM
Too harsh, Power Ranger Carlton...this was pretty good stuff.
the cardinal rule of effective trolling is that one can't get complacent. i was just trying to keep his feet warm.

spurstexanstros
10-22-2010, 07:29 PM
ha ha this was funny... it looks like Coach Bush watches video as well. watch out Paaaaaaiiiton.

Houston_Fanatic
10-22-2010, 08:04 PM
Too funny!

I'd rep ya if I could.....

Pollardized
10-22-2010, 08:43 PM
Too funny!

I'd rep ya if I could.....

got him.

Goatcheese
10-22-2010, 08:44 PM
Where are his big fat kindergarten crayons to draw up defensive schemes on construction paper?


Class Monday we're making paper mache Corner Backs!!!!

Frank Bush drawing up game plans as a child.

http://www.icanhasbottle.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/081218_love_coloring.jpg


He still uses them.

SrslySirius
10-22-2010, 09:10 PM
Dude... Somebody has too much time on their hands.

Heh. Someone says this almost every time I do some kind of creative project, even if I only spent 30 minutes on it. Come to think of it, I see it all the time on YouTube videos and peoples' drawings and stuff. I don't really understand it. It's a weird way to insult someone. You don't see that sort of attitude toward other hobbies such as fishing or cooking or bowling. Or, you know, following a sport team. Nobody has ever said to me "Woah, you watch football 3 hours a week? Someone has too much time on their hands!"

Nawzer
10-22-2010, 09:25 PM
Heh. Someone says this almost every time I do some kind of creative project, even if I only spent 30 minutes on it. Come to think of it, I see it all the time on YouTube videos and peoples' drawings and stuff. I don't really understand it. It's a weird way to insult someone. You don't see that sort of attitude toward other hobbies such as fishing or cooking or bowling. Or, you know, following a sport team. Nobody has ever said to me "Woah, you watch football 3 hours a week? Someone has too much time on their hands!"

Good job Srsly! That was one of the funniest things I've read here. It kind of reminded me of the Jerry Jackson cartoons on You Tube. Looking forward to more.

76Texan
10-22-2010, 09:40 PM
Just awesome!
:lol:
:bravo:

wagonhed
10-22-2010, 09:54 PM
I think you just won the internet.

elliepoo
10-22-2010, 11:30 PM
Heh. Someone says this almost every time I do some kind of creative project, even if I only spent 30 minutes on it. Come to think of it, I see it all the time on YouTube videos and peoples' drawings and stuff. I don't really understand it. It's a weird way to insult someone. You don't see that sort of attitude toward other hobbies such as fishing or cooking or bowling. Or, you know, following a sport team. Nobody has ever said to me "Woah, you watch football 3 hours a week? Someone has too much time on their hands!"

This was hilarious! I'm sure there are many people who visit the boards and find this funny, but do not comment so I just wanted to extend my applause :)
I don't know what "rep" means, but I put a link on my facebook for fellow Texans fans to enjoy! Great work!

rmartin65
10-22-2010, 11:42 PM
Heh. Someone says this almost every time I do some kind of creative project, even if I only spent 30 minutes on it. Come to think of it, I see it all the time on YouTube videos and peoples' drawings and stuff. I don't really understand it. It's a weird way to insult someone. You don't see that sort of attitude toward other hobbies such as fishing or cooking or bowling. Or, you know, following a sport team. Nobody has ever said to me "Woah, you watch football 3 hours a week? Someone has too much time on their hands!"

I like that you edit out the part where I said it was awesome. My comment was not meant as an insult in any way.

I spend way too much time on the NFL draft, or reading Russian stuff. Everyone has hobbies, no biggie. For me, it was just a way to say that it must have taken awhile to create.

TheIronDuke
10-22-2010, 11:46 PM
Hilarious thread but I don't think you've beaten the Internet just yet.

BigBull17
10-23-2010, 11:26 AM
I'm not sure what you mean.

The formation pictures.

SrslySirius
10-23-2010, 01:14 PM
I like that you edit out the part where I said it was awesome. My comment was not meant as an insult in any way.

No worries, man. I know some people mean well when they say it. I wasn't really getting on your case, just making general observations. That turn of phrase has always seemed strange to me.

The formation pictures.

Google image search for "football diagram" turned up this:

http://imgur.com/EqcD8.png

Then I just edited it in photoshop.

ObsiWan
10-23-2010, 02:18 PM
The formation pictures.

yeah, we seldom see Paitton's offense with a FB in it.
but that's a nit so I repped you anyway.

Wolf
11-07-2010, 06:50 PM
can't wait for the breakdown of SD

Wolf
11-07-2010, 07:33 PM
Glad we aren't playing Detroit this year, even this game knows our defense sucks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2uExHIQAw8

Porky
11-07-2010, 07:51 PM
I missed this before. Hilarious!

Wolf
11-22-2010, 10:45 PM
https://www.gridironmemories.com/images/020-Texans%20PlayBook-2.jpg

1974 Houston Texans (WFL) playbook (http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https://www.gridironmemories.com/images/020-Texans%2520PlayBook.jpg&imgrefurl=https://www.gridironmemories.com/shop/category.asp%3Fcatid%3D135&usg=__K7oMzJM2dfuVk5bY_OywViXTVeE=&h=241&w=250&sz=8&hl=en&start=5&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=7icaKk7VHEinkM:&tbnh=107&tbnw=111&prev=/images%3Fq%3DTexans%2Bdefense%2Bplaybook%26hl%3Den %26biw%3D1024%26bih%3D551%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1 )

750 bucks

(they are advertising the defense one but doesn't look like it.. It has the same picture as the 1974 offensive one) If they do have the defensive one, maybe Bob can get Frank one for christmas

TimeKiller
11-22-2010, 11:48 PM
I thought of a play that would be cool...

It involves James Casey at TE or maybe split wide, have Leach to sell the run, have Schaub fake to Foster, hand off to Casey coming around on a reverse...AJ fakes run block for a tick, explodes past any DB ever James Casey who can supposedly throw a ball 50 yards lays one out for AJ to go get. Or Jacoby ORRRR Dorin Dickerson....huh? huh? pretty good right? I know.

RagingBull
01-03-2011, 04:14 PM
I hope you have all enjoyed today's lesson. As you can see, there is a method to my madness. The Houston Texans are 4-2 and tied for first place in the division. Now that you understand my unique brand of D-Fence, I would appreciate it if you stopped calling me names on the radio and on message boards. Just sit back and enjoy the games. There is lots of good footballs left to be played.




http://imgur.com/JAWM9.jpg


Apparantly, Bush is not as smart as he thought.

Ole Miss Texan
01-03-2011, 04:23 PM
http://imgur.com/JAWM9.jpg

Looks like a Black Harry Potter...