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GP
10-04-2010, 10:30 PM
Los Angeles, CA--The Oakland Raiders field is closed and will not be open for the next two weeks due to an excessive amount of piss left on the field in last Sunday's game. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is looking into the matter this week, according to league sources.

Nomar Yourin, Raiders field maintenance supervisor, said, "We're using commercial-sized fans, absorbent materials, anything we can get our hands on. I've never seen THIS much pee on a field in my whole career here."

Dr. Ima Leekin, Raiders internal medicine specialist, reported the Raiders quarterback is in stable condition after a 34-21 loss to the Houston Texans. "We had to remove Mr. Gradkowski's bladder after the game, and replace it with a donor's bladder. When you lose THAT much urine, in such a violent manner, the bladder is often put into such shock that it has to be removed."

Several Raiders players were treated for post-traumatic syndrome following the relentless punishment dealt by Bernard Pollard of the Texans.

"Look, I'm not going to name names here," said team psychologist Dick Trickle, "but I've got a few guys who told me they haven't slept well last night. Some of them are wetting their beds. Night terrors. It's real bad."

Bernard Pollard was reached for comment, replying to the accusations with words we could not print.

Joe Texan
10-04-2010, 10:32 PM
Pollards Hits were clean

barrett
10-04-2010, 10:34 PM
Los Angeles, CA--The Oakland Raiders field is closed and will not be open for the next two weeks due to an excessive amount of piss left on the field in last Sunday's game. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is looking into the matter this week, according to league sources.

Nomar Yourin, Raiders field maintenance supervisor, said, "We're using commercial-sized fans, absorbent materials, anything we can get our hands on. I've never seen THIS much pee on a field in my whole career here."

Dr. Ima Leekin, Raiders internal medicine specialist, reported the Raiders quarterback is in stable condition after a 34-21 loss to the Houston Texans. "We had to remove Mr. Gradkowski's bladder after the game, and replace it with a donor's bladder. When you lose THAT much urine, in such a violent manner, the bladder is often put into such shock that it has to be removed."

Several Raiders players were treated for post-traumatic syndrome following the relentless punishment dealt by Bernard Pollard of the Texans.

"Look, I'm not going to name names here," said team psychologist Dick Trickle, "but I've got a few guys who told me they haven't slept well last night. Some of them are wetting their beds. Night terrors. It's real bad."

Bernard Pollard was reached for comment, replying to the accusations with words we could not print.

Well done GP. You and I are on exactly the same page today. You're going to love the TBB story I've been working on. Stay tuned!!

Goatcheese
10-04-2010, 10:35 PM
Pollards Hits were clean

If you consider knocking piss out of people "clean" ... :wadepalm:

:heh:

GP
10-04-2010, 10:35 PM
Pollards Hits were clean

LOL @ Joe Texan.

Dude, read the whole post.

BullNation4Life
10-04-2010, 10:38 PM
Pollards Hits were clean

bifocals bro, bifocals...

TexCanada
10-04-2010, 10:42 PM
Pollards Hits were clean

I like how you capitalized "Hits". Its like they were divine.

Big Lou
10-04-2010, 10:46 PM
Silly Quarterback!!!! What was he thinking!!!!

Joe Texan
10-04-2010, 10:51 PM
I read the toilet post but his hits were clean and hard

pbat488
10-04-2010, 10:55 PM
I read the toilet post but his hits were clean and hard

Joe, the thread is not real. Well, technically the thread is real, but the intention and title of it are a joke.

:wadepalm:

GP
10-04-2010, 10:56 PM
I read the toilet post but his hits were clean and hard

Man, you're just incapable of not taking yourself seriously aren't you?

If you had read the whole post, you wouldn't have replied that way.

Nice attempt to recover, though. Keep choppin' wood.

GP
10-04-2010, 10:58 PM
:woot:

Kulluminatii
10-04-2010, 11:04 PM
Haha, I got a good laugh out of your post GP. I thought Bruce would have learned after that first hit to slide...but nope, the guy went for seconds! :wadepalm:

*EDIT* The score was 31-24 btw. :cowboy1:

Ryan
10-04-2010, 11:08 PM
Pollard knocked the piss out of the Raiders so bad that the piss actually reverted back to himself, hence knocking the piss out of himself.

GP
10-04-2010, 11:16 PM
Pollard knocked the piss out of the Raiders so bad that the piss actually reverted back to himself, hence knocking the piss out of himself.

A spokesman for PEETOP (People for the Everyday Ethical Treatment Of Piss) has organized a protest against Bernard Pollard at Mr. Pollard's residence in Houston, TX.

Houston police are reportedly prepared to be on the scene in full hazmat suits, due to the likelihood of several protesters being separated from their urine if they were to come into contact with Pollard during the event.

ChampionTexan
10-04-2010, 11:22 PM
"Look, I'm not going to name names here," said team psychologist Dick Trickle, "but I've got a few guys who told me they haven't slept well last night. Some of them are wetting their beds. Night terrors. It's real bad."



Gaping hole in this story - how can anybody wet their bed if the piss has already been knocked out of them?

GP
10-04-2010, 11:46 PM
Gaping hole in this story - how can anybody wet their bed if the piss has already been knocked out of them?

Residual after-effects, I suppose.

These things are complicated.

michaelm
10-04-2010, 11:46 PM
Gaping hole in this story - how can anybody wet their bed if the piss has already been knocked out of them?

I'm sure you'd have to drink a lot of water to compensate for involuntary traumatic piss-loss, otherwise known as Pollard's Syndrome.
It would be difficult to retain water later that night, because you would likely be suffering from a second ailment at that point, known as Post-Pollard's Syndrome Nocturnal Bladder Seepage.

GP
10-04-2010, 11:48 PM
I'm sure you'd have to drink a lot of water to compensate for involuntary traumatic piss-loss, otherwise known as Pollard's Syndrome.
It would be difficult to retain that water later in the night, because you would likely be suffering from a second ailment at that point, known as Post-Pollard's Syndrome Nocturnal Bladder Seepage.

LOL. Nicely done.

JamesBill
10-05-2010, 12:42 AM
Can someone upload the hits he put on the QB?

The Pencil Neck
10-05-2010, 12:47 AM
Can someone upload the hits he put on the QB?

Well, we could, but it's dangerous. They might knock the piss out of the internet by association.

dalemurphy
10-05-2010, 12:58 AM
Can someone upload the hits he put on the QB?

working on it at TBB. Should have it tomorrow night, along with some other video. If you have the game DVR'd, the two hits occurred here:

9:08 to go in the 2nd
11:02 to go in the 3rd

The Pencil Neck
10-05-2010, 01:00 AM
working on it at TBB. Should have it tomorrow night, along with some other video. If you have the game DVR'd, the two hits occurred here:

9:08 to go in the 2nd
11:02 to go in the 3rd

Dear God, man! Don't upload those hits! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

michaelm
10-05-2010, 01:18 AM
By the way, somebody rep GP for the OP, I must spread rep and whatnot...

Regarding the OP, I don't care who you are*... that's funny as piss right there.

* other than Joe Texan

ObsiWan
10-05-2010, 04:59 AM
Dear God, man! Don't upload those hits! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

None of the guys Pollard hit will have any (more) children.
:heh:

ObsiWan
10-05-2010, 05:07 AM
I read the toilet post but his hits were clean and hard

That's the whole point. No where did GP say that Goodell was going to fine Pollard because the hits were dirty and... oh never mind.
siiiigh...
:facepalm:

FirstTexansFan
10-05-2010, 06:20 AM
And they shun me for being in the GP fanclub? Shun me? Shun YOU! As for Joe's facepalm moment, give him a break, it's Kubiak posting under an Alias... (Dang Aggies)

:kitten:

thunderkyss
10-05-2010, 06:27 AM
Pollards Hits were clean

:wadepalm:

:facepalm:

thunderkyss
10-05-2010, 06:29 AM
By the way, somebody rep GP for the OP, I must spread rep and whatnot...

Regarding the OP, I don't care who you are*... that's funny as piss right there.

* other than Joe Texan

I'm giving you rep for the sig......
http://tiny.cc/ekv8y


They're scream'n Blue Murder.........



Yeah!!!

barrett
10-05-2010, 06:35 AM
Can someone upload the hits he put on the QB?

Okay guys, here it is:

The definition of a “Pollardism”, according to the official Texans Talk Fan Dictionary is as follows:

“Pollardism” – adj. [ˈpaul-ard-izim] A descriptive explanation of how the member of an opposing team can expect to be dominated. Also, a saying or quote that can motivate a given person to run through a brick wall.

Houston Texans Strong Safety, Bernard “Bone Crusher” Pollard is well known as a ferocious tackler and an even more impressive quote making machine. His inspirational quotes or “Pollardisms” have been used the world over to cure illness, feed the hungry as well as motivate a cubical worker or two to tackle an unsuspecting co-worker. Mike Terrar, a former employee of a Utility company was reported to have swat a folder out of his boss’s hand leading to a fumble of the companies quarterly presentation. The former regional manager, who only spoke in “Pollardisms” sited “playmaking” as his reasoning. He had this to say:

“I had to make a play,” Terrar said. “It was the right time for it. It was about getting off the ball. I reached out as far as I could and got my hand on it. That’s my job.”

Well, it was his job anyway.


Google, the worldwide internet super power, has just released a new feature that sorts and separates Bernard Pollard quotes or “Pollardisms” out from the rest of the internet mucky muck for easier access and more in depth archiving.

A spokesperson from Google had this to say: “We at Google felt like pretty much everything Bernard says is actually news worthy and so we’ve created this great feature to minimize all the traffic created by people trying to find inspiring piss-knocking quotes. The nerds in the nerdery are reporting that this new feature will free up literally zillions of megabits or megabytes or whatever of space.”

We asked the spokesperson to explain “piss-knocking” to us and he showed us this clip:

READ THE REST AND SEE THE VIDEO HERE (http://www.texansbullblog.com/google-introduces-polardism-search-tool/news/texans-news/)

Big news day for Bernard!

IDEXAN
10-05-2010, 08:17 AM
Pollards Hits were clean

Hey JT, can I talk to you about some Real Estate I've got for sale over in Louisiana ? It's a little on the "damp" side, but just ignore that, it's priced right.
Very funny, very well done GP.

NitroGSXR
10-05-2010, 08:27 AM
Hey JT, can I talk to you about some Real Estate I've got for sale over in Louisiana ? It's a little on the "damp" side, but just ignore that, it's priced right.
Very funny, very well done GP.
What? Are you saying the hits were not clean? If so, I'll buy a whole lotta that property you don't seem to know much about.

I wish Pollard wouldn't hit so hard. It hurts me at home. But them hits were clean. As clean as clean can be.

drs23
10-05-2010, 09:08 AM
Los Angeles, CA--The Oakland Raiders field is closed and will not be open for the next two weeks due to an excessive amount of piss left on the field in last Sunday's game. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is looking into the matter this week, according to league sources.

Nomar Yourin, Raiders field maintenance supervisor, said, "We're using commercial-sized fans, absorbent materials, anything we can get our hands on. I've never seen THIS much pee on a field in my whole career here."

Dr. Ima Leekin, Raiders internal medicine specialist, reported the Raiders quarterback is in stable condition after a 34-21 loss to the Houston Texans. "We had to remove Mr. Gradkowski's bladder after the game, and replace it with a donor's bladder. When you lose THAT much urine, in such a violent manner, the bladder is often put into such shock that it has to be removed."

Several Raiders players were treated for post-traumatic syndrome following the relentless punishment dealt by Bernard Pollard of the Texans.

"Look, I'm not going to name names here," said team psychologist Dick Trickle, "but I've got a few guys who told me they haven't slept well last night. Some of them are wetting their beds. Night terrors. It's real bad."

Bernard Pollard was reached for comment, replying to the accusations with words we could not print.

Funny stuff GP. Sometimes ya make me wanna come through my moniter and then ya post something like this that gives me a good laugh to start my day! Thanks. MSR...

silvrhand
10-05-2010, 09:35 AM
Pollardism.. I'll know the piss out of you but I can't cover @*($)@$ :)

IDEXAN
10-05-2010, 10:06 AM
What? Are you saying the hits were not clean? If so, I'll buy a whole lotta that property you don't seem to know much about.

I'm saying Joe Texan chomped down on GPs bait and took it hook, line, and sinker.

Craig.
10-05-2010, 10:11 AM
I'm saying Joe Texan chomped down on GPs bait and took it hook, line, and sinker.

Twice.

gtexan02
10-05-2010, 10:14 AM
I heard that Pollard was going to be suspended the entire year for being a PED. Piss Ejecting Destroyer.

TimeKiller
10-05-2010, 10:15 AM
This thread wins. Except Joe Texan, who loses all points and may God have mercy on your soul.

SheTexan
10-05-2010, 10:27 AM
THANKS guys for the laugh today, esp GP!!! Dude, you need to make sure BP gets a copy of this thread. He would LOVE IT!!! I'm just waiting for MORE pee distribution!!! I have a feeling Reliant might not smell to well around 4pm Sunday, esp after BP and the BEAST get done with PMs bro!!:)

hradhak
10-05-2010, 10:36 AM
The NFL has started passing out pamphlets for teams playing the Texans this season. Here are some excerpts:

"...
3) Empty your bladder before entering the field of play
.....
7) It's easier to wet yourself then have it knocked out of you. Just relax, think of springtime freshness, and it'll come
...
11)Keep a change of pants with you on the sideline, just in case you have an accident.
....
"""

GP
10-05-2010, 10:36 AM
Man, I received like 12 individual "reps" for this.

Thank you, everyone, for letting me know you enjoyed it. I wanted to do something light-hearted and I had fun creating it.

The best part, for me, was coming up with the names of the sources:

Nomar Yourin (No More Urine)

Dr. Ima Leekin

Dick Trickle (though that particular name is not original. Wasn't he a NASCAR driver back in the old days?)

Yankee_In_TX
10-05-2010, 10:40 AM
Man, you're just incapable of not taking yourself seriously aren't you?

If you had read the whole post, you wouldn't have replied that way.

Nice attempt to recover, though. Keep choppin' wood.

So that's what Dick Trickle has been up to since retiring from NASCAR?

hradhak
10-05-2010, 10:54 AM
Don't forget Li-Ki Dong (Leaky Dong) a Chinese olympic athlete

Porky
10-05-2010, 11:43 AM
I read the toilet post but his hits were clean and hard

LOL at the original post and double LOL at Joe's reply. :wadepalm:

Seņor Stan
10-05-2010, 11:48 AM
http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g67/senorstan/bp30-1.jpg?t=1286297208

Porky
10-05-2010, 11:55 AM
Man, you're just incapable of not taking yourself seriously aren't you?

If you had read the whole post, you wouldn't have replied that way.

Nice attempt to recover, though. Keep choppin' wood.

Ease up. Joe had to have his funny bone amputated after a terrible tail-gating accident in the blue lot. Luckily Dr. Red Duke was able to let Joe continue using his knee jerk after Texans Fight donated his in a delicate operation. Luckily only one knee jerk is needed to still conclude that Kubiak sucks after every game.

Texan_Bill
10-05-2010, 11:58 AM
Los Angeles, CA--The Oakland Raiders field is closed and will not be open for the next two weeks due to an excessive amount of piss left on the field in last Sunday's game. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is looking into the matter this week, according to league sources.

Nomar Yourin, Raiders field maintenance supervisor, said, "We're using commercial-sized fans, absorbent materials, anything we can get our hands on. I've never seen THIS much pee on a field in my whole career here."

Dr. Ima Leekin, Raiders internal medicine specialist, reported the Raiders quarterback is in stable condition after a 34-21 loss to the Houston Texans. "We had to remove Mr. Gradkowski's bladder after the game, and replace it with a donor's bladder. When you lose THAT much urine, in such a violent manner, the bladder is often put into such shock that it has to be removed."

Several Raiders players were treated for post-traumatic syndrome following the relentless punishment dealt by Bernard Pollard of the Texans.

"Look, I'm not going to name names here," said team psychologist Dick Trickle, "but I've got a few guys who told me they haven't slept well last night. Some of them are wetting their beds. Night terrors. It's real bad."

Bernard Pollard was reached for comment, replying to the accusations with words we could not print.

"Dr. Ima Leekin" :spit: Holy ****e, that was funny!!


Pollards Hits were clean

:mcnugget: Glad to see the sense of humor was not lost on you, Joe. :facepalm:

thunderkyss
10-05-2010, 01:02 PM
Dick Trickle (though that particular name is not original. Wasn't he a NASCAR driver back in the old days?)

I thought that was one of the guys from Days of Thunder.

Pollardized
10-05-2010, 01:10 PM
Pollardism.. I'll know the piss out of you but I can't cover @*($)@$ :)



silvr ----- know the piss???? ----- :wadepalm:


And what you talking about can't cover? **** you mother ******! :fingergun:

False Start
10-05-2010, 01:17 PM
Pollard should be the man in charge of piss testing in the NFL. There could be no way for the players to prep for the test. He could just approach the player, and they would automatically pee down their leg.

mikefont
10-05-2010, 01:19 PM
Los Angeles, CA--The Oakland Raiders field is closed and will not be open for the next two weeks due to an excessive amount of piss left on the field in last Sunday's game. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is looking into the matter this week, according to league sources.

Nomar Yourin, Raiders field maintenance supervisor, said, "We're using commercial-sized fans, absorbent materials, anything we can get our hands on. I've never seen THIS much pee on a field in my whole career here."

Dr. Ima Leekin, Raiders internal medicine specialist, reported the Raiders quarterback is in stable condition after a 34-21 loss to the Houston Texans. "We had to remove Mr. Gradkowski's bladder after the game, and replace it with a donor's bladder. When you lose THAT much urine, in such a violent manner, the bladder is often put into such shock that it has to be removed."

Several Raiders players were treated for post-traumatic syndrome following the relentless punishment dealt by Bernard Pollard of the Texans.

"Look, I'm not going to name names here," said team psychologist Dick Trickle, "but I've got a few guys who told me they haven't slept well last night. Some of them are wetting their beds. Night terrors. It's real bad."

Bernard Pollard was reached for comment, replying to the accusations with words we could not print.

Damn GP, that's the funniest thing I've read in a while! It had me pissing my pants as if Pollard was running right at me!

Too cool!


.

GP
10-05-2010, 01:21 PM
I thought that was one of the guys from Days of Thunder.

I think that guy's name was Cole Trickle. Maybe.

LOL. I was right. Cole Trickle (Tom Cruise) linky to imdb.com (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099371/)

drewmar74
10-05-2010, 01:25 PM
Pollard should be the man in charge of piss testing in the NFL. There could be no way for the players to prep for the test. He could just approach the player, and they would automatically pee down their leg.

:bravo:

I dig it, FS. Well played.

Etex
10-05-2010, 11:33 PM
Dr. Ima Leekin, Raiders internal medicine specialist, reported the Raiders quarterback is in stable condition after a 34-21 loss to the Houston Texans. "We had to remove Mr. Gradkowski's bladder after the game, and replace it with a donor's bladder. When you lose THAT much urine, in such a violent manner, the bladder is often put into such shock that it has to be removed."

This surgery is highly successful, Just look what it has done for Matt Schaub after week 3.

http://i846.photobucket.com/albums/ab23/SirHypnotoad/Cowboys/2010/03-at-HOU/GIF/03-02-13-Ware2ndSackClose.gif

http://i846.photobucket.com/albums/ab23/SirHypnotoad/Cowboys/2010/03-at-HOU/GIF/03-04-01-BrookingSack.gif

Kulluminatii
10-05-2010, 11:50 PM
http://i846.photobucket.com/albums/ab23/SirHypnotoad/Cowboys/2010/03-at-HOU/GIF/03-04-01-BrookingSack.gif

Holy ****! Was that from this year's Dallas game? I watch NFL network at least 4-5 times a week and I don't remember seeing that hit on there. I'm surprised he didn't get injured, that looked like it must have hurt.

AnthonyE
10-06-2010, 01:46 AM
Man, I received like 12 individual "reps" for this.

Thank you, everyone, for letting me know you enjoyed it. I wanted to do something light-hearted and I had fun creating it.

The best part, for me, was coming up with the names of the sources:

Nomar Yourin (No More Urine)

Dr. Ima Leekin

Dick Trickle (though that particular name is not original. Wasn't he a NASCAR driver back in the old days?)

I tried repping you as well, but I have to spread it apparently.

So, if someone would be so kind as to rep GP for me, I would greatly appreciate it!
:tiphat:

qman_tx
10-06-2010, 03:38 AM
I think Pollard will make this guy pee on himself: :scarygirl:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdi-wV6LmyE

BigBull17
10-06-2010, 12:49 PM
Holy ****! Was that from this year's Dallas game? I watch NFL network at least 4-5 times a week and I don't remember seeing that hit on there. I'm surprised he didn't get injured, that looked like it must have hurt.

Could have been flagged. manning would have gotten the hankie since it was a freakin clothesline.

Texan_Bill
10-06-2010, 12:52 PM
I thought that was one of the guys from Days of Thunder.

That was Cole Trickle.

Dick Trickle was a real NASCAR driver.

hookinreds
10-06-2010, 01:06 PM
Gaping hole in this story - how can anybody wet their bed if the piss has already been knocked out of them?

Pollard
Induced
Secretion
Syndrome

ObsiWan
10-06-2010, 03:17 PM
I thought that was one of the guys from Days of Thunder.

Nope. There actually is a NASCAR driver by the name of Dick Trickle. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Trickle)

ObsiWan
10-06-2010, 03:20 PM
Pollard
Induced
Secretion
Syndrome

Excellent Acronym work.
[repped]

drewmar74
10-06-2010, 08:32 PM
Dammit.

I just popped in this thread to see what was going on and pissed myself....

Pollardized
10-06-2010, 09:35 PM
When Pollard knocked the piss out of Grad Sunday, my damn cablebox froze on the play. I had to unplug and reset it. True story.