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axman40
09-07-2010, 02:43 PM
Houston Texans

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/17981/Houston-Texans_jpg_600x1000_q85.jpg


Strength: Head coach Gary Kubiak is more than living up to his nickname as "The John Elway's Backup Of Coaching"; if quarterback Matt Schaub continues to improve at the rate he did between 2007 and 2009, he will throw for 6,000 yards and 90 touchdowns this year
Weakness: Decision to limit injuries by not allowing players to tackle may hurt the defense; running back Steve Slaton's habit of coughing up the ball may be indicative of serious digestive issues
http://www.theonion.com/articles/onion-sports-2010-nfl-teambyteam-guide,18023/?slide=2
A little humor before the season starts.
:tiphat:

The Pencil Neck
09-07-2010, 02:49 PM
Houston Texans

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/17981/Houston-Texans_jpg_600x1000_q85.jpg


Strength: Head coach Gary Kubiak is more than living up to his nickname as "The John Elway's Backup Of Coaching"; if quarterback Matt Schaub continues to improve at the rate he did between 2007 and 2009, he will throw for 6,000 yards and 90 touchdowns this year
Weakness: Decision to limit injuries by not allowing players to tackle may hurt the defense; running back Steve Slaton's habit of coughing up the ball may be indicative of serious digestive issues
http://www.theonion.com/articles/onion-sports-2010-nfl-teambyteam-guide,18023/?slide=2
A little humor before the season starts.
:tiphat:


I'll take 6000 yards and 90 TDs.

But that "not allowing to tackle" thing hurt.

Dutchrudder
09-07-2010, 02:56 PM
Lol... this one is my favorite:

Cincinnati Bengals

* Strength: In the past three years, their ability to convince NFL experts the team could make it to the Super Bowl has been staggering

* Weakness: Terrell Owens wants to prove he can still play at a high level, but he wants to systematically destroy an entire football organization much, much more

* Intangibles: The combination of T.O. and Ochocinco could make the Bengals so annoying at the receiver position that other teams forfeit to avoid playing them

* Biggest Question: How good is Carson Palmer's psychiatrist?

ObsiWan
09-07-2010, 06:29 PM
This was my fave...

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/18012/Tampa-Bay-Buccaneers_jpg_600x1000_q85.jpg

Strength: They play the Rams, so at least one of those teams won't have to lose every game this season
Weakness: Looking at this roster, it may not be the best year to play in a stadium where fans have access to several functioning cannons
Intangibles: Signing a rookie wide receiver named Mike Williams has done nothing but backfire throughout the entire history of the league
Player To Watch: Remember Warrick Dunn? He was a fun player to watch. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, too

ObsiWan
09-07-2010, 06:33 PM
Houston Texans

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/17981/Houston-Texans_jpg_600x1000_q85.jpg


Strength: Head coach Gary Kubiak is more than living up to his nickname as "The John Elway's Backup Of Coaching"; if quarterback Matt Schaub continues to improve at the rate he did between 2007 and 2009, he will throw for 6,000 yards and 90 touchdowns this year
Weakness: Decision to limit injuries by not allowing players to tackle may hurt the defense; running back Steve Slaton's habit of coughing up the ball may be indicative of serious digestive issues
Player To Watch: DE Mario Williams, three-time winner of the Associated Press "Team's Only Good Player" award
Intangibles: None, as the Texans continue to be a manifestly corporeal team
http://www.theonion.com/articles/onion-sports-2010-nfl-teambyteam-guide,18023/?slide=2
A little humor before the season starts.
:tiphat:


I thought the Mario line was pretty funny too.

thunderkyss
09-07-2010, 09:24 PM
I'll take 6000 yards and 90 TDs.

But that "not allowing to tackle" thing hurt.

On a serious note, it would be nice if Matt can get the TD passes up.

Nothing wrong with 29, but 39 sounds so much better.

Texan_Bill
09-07-2010, 09:33 PM
On a serious note, it would be nice if Matt can get the TD passes up.

Nothing wrong with 29, but 39 sounds so much better.

Yup!! All joking aside in this thread, I like the way you think!!!!!!!!! ;)

Big Lou
09-07-2010, 09:36 PM
Houston Texans

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/17981/Houston-Texans_jpg_600x1000_q85.jpg


Strength: Head coach Gary Kubiak is more than living up to his nickname as "The John Elway's Backup Of Coaching"; if quarterback Matt Schaub continues to improve at the rate he did between 2007 and 2009, he will throw for 6,000 yards and 90 touchdowns this year
Weakness: Decision to limit injuries by not allowing players to tackle may hurt the defense; running back Steve Slaton's habit of coughing up the ball may be indicative of serious digestive issues
http://www.theonion.com/articles/onion-sports-2010-nfl-teambyteam-guide,18023/?slide=2
A little humor before the season starts.
:tiphat:



If Schaub throws for 90 TD's the Defense can tackle like Horse Crap and we'd win the SB!!!!!!

beerlover
09-08-2010, 11:21 AM
AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars

•Strength: With stalwart Aaron Kampman at defensive end, opponents will be forced to throw at the weak secondary or run through the soft middle of their line•Weakness: Quarterback controversy between Luke McCown and David Garrard has coaches wondering if they should even have a quarterback at all•Player To Watch: Pro Bowl quarterback David Garrard•Biggest Question: How totally weird was it that three different AFC quarterbacks had to get injured so David Garrard could make the Pro Bowl?

Indianapolis Colts

•Strength: Peyton Manning•Weakness: Standout back Joseph Addai, dangerous receiver Reggie Wayne, and brilliant defensive end Dwight Freeney are not Peyton Manning•Player To Watch: Safety Bob Sanders until he gets injured in week four, then Peyton Manning•Biggest Question: Why is this consistently excellent team so unbelievably boring to watch?