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thunderkyss
12-22-2009, 05:38 PM
This is it. This is the last opportunity for Kubiak to prove he can get these guys to pull it together, & win a "big game." I know he has missed several opportunities that would have allowed us to control our own destiny, but that ship (those ships) have sailed.

If we win this game we will most likely not make the play-offs anyway.

But if we lose, even that sliver of hope dies, along with the opportunity to finish with our first winning record, Regardless if we lose by 1 point, or 15.

I know where you "pink soapers" stand.... for all you others, would that be the final nail in the Kubiak coffin? Will you change sides?

If not, why not?

Thorn
12-22-2009, 05:57 PM
I know where you "pink soapers" stand.... for all you others, would that be the final nail in the Kubiak coffin? Will you change sides?

If not, why not?

I'll not change my mind on being against hiring another damn noobie head coach. And as I've said all along, if they can get themselves a proven HC, they should do it right now. I won't budge on those two stances no matter what happens in the next two weeks.

But I just might be cussing Kubes a lot more if I don't like what I see. :roast:

Texan_Bill
12-22-2009, 06:05 PM
This is it. This is the last opportunity for Kubiak to prove he can get these guys to pull it together, & win a "big game." I know he has missed several opportunities that would have allowed us to control our own destiny, but that ship (those ships) have sailed.

If we win this game we will most likely not make the play-offs anyway.

But if we lose, even that sliver of hope dies, along with the opportunity to finish with our first winning record, Regardless if we lose by 1 point, or 15.

I know where you "pink soapers" stand.... for all you others, would that be the final nail in the Kubiak coffin? Will you change sides?

If not, why not?

Not for me it won't. There are too many mitigating factors that I've typed several times in several different threads, so forgive me if I skip that part.

Also, I don't buy arguments that suggest that so and so beat so and so, who beat us.

The NFL is liquid and changes week to week. St. Louis beat Detroit who beat Washington (4-10) and Cleveland (3-11). Now, if Washington beat Denver and Cleveland beat Pittsburgh, does that mean St. Louis is better than Denver and Pittsburgh?? Hardly.

Someone mentioned the Falcons being 7-7 also in another thread. What they didn't mention is that they started the season off 4-1 and have gone 3-6 since. Are they trending up or trending down??

Goatcheese
12-22-2009, 06:07 PM
Depends on how he manages the game. If he comes out with a good gameplan and the players piss it away with dropped TD passes and fumbles in the red zone, I can't really point the finger at Kubiak.

If he comes out running the HB option I'm going pink soap on his ass.

Texan_Bill
12-22-2009, 06:13 PM
Depends on how he manages the game. If he comes out with a good gameplan and the players piss it away with dropped TD passes and fumbles in the red zone, I can't really point the finger at Kubiak.
If he comes out running the HB option I'm going pink soap on his ass.

Around here, that's still on the coach.

Vinny
12-22-2009, 06:25 PM
Kubiak has already coached this team in 62 regular season games. If you don't have your mind made up on what you are looking at then game number 63 isn't going to put much of a dent in your fan bumper. I could see this game going either way and I'd give the edge to the Texans since I thought that the Texans were the better team the last time they played as well. A winning record doesn't mean anything to most fans for your typical NFL franchise. I think that most fans of the league are competitive people on balance and that's why they are all so tough on perpetual losers. It's hard watching Kubiak squirm and it was hard watching Jack Pardee squirm. Both enormously nice guys and you feel bad for these guys, but they took the job and they knew it would get rough if they didn't win. At least those checks cash.

Goldensilence
12-22-2009, 06:27 PM
Around here, that's still on the coach.

Ok let me put this in a way some people can better understand.

Let's say I'm a supervisor at a company. I go out and do a good job identifying people who fit well with how I run things. I selected them out, trained them, and prepared them well as I thought I possibly could.

So I got my guys and they're ready to make a sales pitch for a lucrative deal. They end up bungling the deal pretty bad and blows the chance for the company. Sure once it IS on them. Let's say though I continue to retain them and put them out on lucrative sales pitches and one or two of them blow the deal continuing to cost the company.

If the company owner and investors come to me looking for answers knowing these are my guys, and the answer I give out is well... you know this is a good group of kids and their failure to produce results "is on me".

Do you think I'm going to or deserve to stick around long?

Pantherstang84
12-22-2009, 07:44 PM
I'll not change my mind on being against hiring another damn noobie head coach. And as I've said all along, if they can get themselves a proven HC, they should do it right now. I won't budge on those two stances no matter what happens in the next two weeks.

But I just might be cussing Kubes a lot more if I don't like what I see. :roast:

This. :)

Buffi2
12-22-2009, 07:54 PM
Do you think I'm going to or deserve to stick around long?

Actually, you would probably be promoted.:choke:

Silver Oak
12-22-2009, 07:56 PM
Ok let me put this in a way that fits my viewpoint and completely ignores any other arguments.


fixed.

Runner
12-22-2009, 08:02 PM
Ok let me put this in a way that fits my viewpoint and completely ignores any other arguments.


fixed.

Glass houses, etc.

JMacaroni
12-22-2009, 08:06 PM
Stand firm. It's progressing slowly, but maybe it'll be a dynasty. Changing now will ruin alot of what is built.

ATXtexanfan
12-22-2009, 08:08 PM
If he loses he's a bum, if he wins it is win it doesn't matter. What's the point? We all have made up our minds, it's up to the business man who OWNS a nfl franchise. No matter what we are still here. Good luck texans.

CloakNNNdagger
12-22-2009, 08:13 PM
Kubiak has already coached this team in 62 regular season games. If you don't have your mind made up on what you are looking at then game number 63 isn't going to put much of a dent in your fan bumper. I could see this game going either way and I'd give the edge to the Texans since I thought that the Texans were the better team the last time they played as well. A winning record doesn't mean anything to most fans for your typical NFL franchise. think that most fans of the league are competitive people on balance and that's why they are all so tough on perpetual losers. It's hard watching Kubiak squirm and it was hard watching Jack Pardee squirm. Both enormously nice guys and you feel bad for these guys, but they took the job and they knew it would get rough if they didn't win. At least those checks cash.

To better stimulate maximal EFFORT in the last 2 games:

The Texans need to buy 2 cattle prods with instructions included.

Every time a player screws up, the first prod which is given to Kubiak will be applied to the offending individual.

Every time a player screws up, the second prod which is given to McNair will be applied to Kubiak.

Chances are that all will quickly adapt a new winning attitide............or, at least, a fried ass to remind them for a while that they fell short.:mcnugget:

houstonspartan
12-22-2009, 09:26 PM
Not for me it won't. There are too many mitigating factors that I've typed several times in several different threads, so forgive me if I skip that part.

Also, I don't buy arguments that suggest that so and so beat so and so, who beat us.

The NFL is liquid and changes week to week. St. Louis beat Detroit who beat Washington (4-10) and Cleveland (3-11). Now, if Washington beat Denver and Cleveland beat Pittsburgh, does that mean St. Louis is better than Denver and Pittsburgh?? Hardly.

Someone mentioned the Falcons being 7-7 also in another thread. What they didn't mention is that they started the season off 4-1 and have gone 3-6 since. Are they trending up or trending down??

AMEN!! So tired of hearing "Well, x beat Y, and we beat x, so we're better than Y."

It's ridiculus.

Rep.

ObsiWan
12-22-2009, 09:31 PM
Around here, that's still on the coach.

And that's the part that befuddles me. Why aren't the players being held accountable??
Boggles my mind.

ObsiWan
12-22-2009, 09:34 PM
Stand firm. It's progressing slowly, but maybe it'll be a dynasty. Changing now will ruin alot of what is built.

hmmm...?
when he said "stand firm" was he talking about that avatar or the topic.

Runner
12-22-2009, 09:42 PM
Around here, that's still on the coach.

And that's the part that befuddles me. Why aren't the players being held accountable??
Boggles my mind.

You haven't seen Chris/Kris Brown, the entire offensive line, Schaub, the entire defensive line, Fumbles Slaton, and Andre "The Whiner" Johnson, among others being called out as well as Kubiak?

I'm not only befuddled and boggled, but also bemused.

ObsiWan
12-22-2009, 09:58 PM
Ok let me put this in a way some people can better understand.

Let's say I'm a supervisor at a company. I go out and do a good job identifying people who fit well with how I run things. I selected them out, trained them, and prepared them well as I thought I possibly could.

So I got my guys and they're ready to make a sales pitch for a lucrative deal. They end up bungling the deal pretty bad and blows the chance for the company. Sure once it IS on them. Let's say though I continue to retain them and put them out on lucrative sales pitches and one or two of them blow the deal continuing to cost the company.

If the company owner and investors come to me looking for answers knowing these are my guys, and the answer I give out is well... you know this is a good group of kids and their failure to produce results "is on me".

Do you think I'm going to or deserve to stick around long?

first of all, they'd have to lose those deals to some sort of opposition because no matter the product, there's always someone else selling it (unless you're the NFL). Think about it, if you're the only game in town, no matter how sucky your sales pitch is, the customers who have a need for what you're selling have no where else to go.

So your younguns would have to lose those sales to other companies.

At this point, the first question you should ask is: Is your product as good as you think it is or is the opposition's product just plain better?

Maybe that's the real problem. You're the sales mgr. You know that your sales force is working their butts off. You have them schooled up, down, and sideways on your product.

But, honestly, compared to the elite companies in your industry, your product is "just okay" and your potential customers want "Elite". Maybe your product line needs a couple of new additions to get into Elite class.

And the owner and investors need to be honest enough with themselves to put the blame where it belongs - on themselves for not spending enough to be the best in their industry.
:D

ObsiWan
12-22-2009, 10:05 PM
You haven't seen Chris/Kris Brown, the entire offensive line, Schaub, the entire defensive line, Fumbles Slaton, and Andre "The Whiner" Johnson, among others being called out as well as Kubiak?

I'm not only befuddled and boggled, but also bemused.

No. Sorry. I have to confess that I stayed away during the losing stretch. I try not to post in anger. And I was plenty pissed for about a month. So no posting.

But I'm glad to hear that. They needed to be called out. They didn't "answer the bell" when the time came.

houstonspartan
12-22-2009, 10:18 PM
Call me crazy, but I don't see this as a "big game." To me, big games are either pre-determined automatically (division rivals) or they are conditional and evolve as the season goes along.

For example, if we win Sunday, New England would be a "big game." A HUGE one, because our first winning season is on the line.

But, that's just my two cent interpretation of events.

m5kwatts
12-22-2009, 10:25 PM
Kubiak will be retained as coach so all of this is for no reason

I'm looking for players who haven't had stellar seasons to step up and right their wrongs with monster games in these next 2 and these guys in particular:

-Okoye *sigh* if he has big games in these next 2 it could make his season look not so pathetic on paper.

-Mario needs to get to 10 sacks. He should be a guaranteed 10 sacks every season.

-The offensive line needs to open up running lanes. If we can run the ball well in these next 2 we'll be able to look to that for hope for next season. Of course this won't happen, this scheme is all out of wack with backups like Studdard/White playing.

-Cushing pad his stats so he gets the rookie award and maybe a pro bowl invite.

-Dunta 0 interceptions.... will he go the whole year without a pick? He won't get even 10 million guaranteed if that happens

Basically the playoffs will happen if the stars align but these are things I'll be looking at over the next 2 games.

ObsiWan
12-22-2009, 10:36 PM
Kubiak will be retained as coach so all of this is for no reason

I'm looking for players who haven't had stellar seasons to step up and right their wrongs with monster games in these next 2 and these guys in particular:

-Okoye *sigh* if he has big games in these next 2 it could make his season look not so pathetic on paper.

-Mario needs to get to 10 sacks. He should be a guaranteed 10 sacks every season.

-The offensive line needs to open up running lanes. If we can run the ball well in these next 2 we'll be able to look to that for hope for next season. Of course this won't happen, this scheme is all out of wack with backups like Studdard/White playing.

-Cushing pad his stats so he gets the rookie award and maybe a pro bowl invite.

-Dunta 0 interceptions.... will he go the whole year without a pick? He won't get even 10 million guaranteed if that happens

Basically the playoffs will happen if the stars align but these are things I'll be looking at over the next 2 games.

You might be onto the true question regarding the next two games...
Even if Kubiak is sent packing, the next guy will use these game tapes to spot who played hard when the playoffs were out of reach and who "mailed it in".

It's the players whose future jobs are at stake these next two weeks.

And I'll add another couple of names,
- Chris Brown - I doubt that he'll be here, but if he wants to be in the NFL anywhere, he better show something
- Arian Foster - The kid had a suspect rep coming out of Tennessee - why else would he be an UDFA? He better show something too.
- Andre' Davis - No stellar kickoff returns this year (22.9 yds per; long of 63 yds). Not a lot of production at WR (only five catches all year! Must suck to be A.J.'s backup). Is it still enough to be insurance for A.J.?

Norg
12-22-2009, 10:53 PM
1 game isnt going to change my mind when it comes to my OPN on kubes


iam on


iam on the Keep kubes 1 more year no matter what happens this year Boat

barrett
12-23-2009, 12:10 AM
I've certainly seen enough improvement to think he get's another year regardless of the outcome of this game or the next one. I expect more and more every year from his team. So long as they continue to improve in my eyes, I'm a fan.

steelbtexan
12-23-2009, 12:59 AM
To better stimulate maximal EFFORT in the last 2 games:

The Texans need to buy 2 cattle prods with instructions included.

Every time a player screws up, the first prod which is given to Kubiak will be applied to the offending individual.

Every time a player screws up, the second prod which is given to McNair will be applied to Kubiak.

Chances are that all will quickly adapt a new winning attitide............or, at least, a fried ass to remind them for a while that they fell short.:mcnugget:

LOL

This would be my preferred couse of action.

ObsiWan
12-23-2009, 01:09 AM
To better stimulate maximal EFFORT in the last 2 games:

The Texans need to buy 2 cattle prods with instructions included.

Every time a player screws up, the first prod which is given to Kubiak will be applied to the offending individual.

Every time a player screws up, the second prod which is given to McNair will be applied to Kubiak.

Chances are that all will quickly adapt a new winning attitide............or, at least, a fried ass to remind them for a while that they fell short.:mcnugget:

Are you suggesting the Fred Weary treatment?
:o)

Runner
12-23-2009, 07:15 AM
I don't think this is Kubiak's last chance. He'll probably have around eight games next year before his seat starts to get scorching hot. If the team has a mini-run of bad losses in that time, there will be the very real danger that he loses the team as a lame duck coach. There have been some rumblings in that direction this season that I can't ignore.

However if he avoids a bad streak and gets off to a strong start, more people will he happy, including me.

I wonder if the team would be best served if McNair gives him a one year extension, with the full realization he may have to eat the cost if the team doesn't do well and Kubiak has to be let go.

mussop
12-23-2009, 07:15 AM
Since this whole fire or keep Kubiak debate started I have said Kubiak has not progresses as a coach. The team has gotten more talented and has improved but Kubiak hasnt.

When things are going good for us he cant maintain it. The other coach seems to make adjustments and stop what we are doing or Kubiak outsmarts himself and changes what is working.

And vise versa when things start going bad for us he cant seem to make the proper adjustments to turn things around. IMO this is why we are so inconsistent. Kubiak is just not good at making in-game adjustments.

He also relies on lesser talent at critical times of the game (redzone) too much which IMO is what leads to these misshaps that cost us games.

So for me at least, winning isnt enough, I want to see how he resposnds and coaches in these critical times of the game. That is what I have been waiting for all year. Some signs that he has learned from his mistakes and that he is capable of thinking outside the box and making adjustments that work.

El Tejano
12-23-2009, 08:17 AM
I say 9-7 keeps him. I know people don't like to hear that. However, the mere fact that we could possibly be going into the 16th game of the season with a chance for the playoffs is a sign of improvement despite what many of us think this season should've been. That's alot closer than where we were a year ago. Plus 9-7 is a winning season, might I add the first in our team history. Shake it, stir it any way you like but that is mark of improvement. The team loves Kubiak, and to me that is enough to say one more try.

If we go 8-8, then he's gone. To me winning these last two games while a good but beatable team like the Dolphins has to win would help your chances but if you can't get this team to win this game, you probably lost everything already.

Corrosion
12-23-2009, 08:49 AM
You haven't seen Chris/Kris Brown, the entire offensive line, Schaub, the entire defensive line, Fumbles Slaton, and Andre "The Whiner" Johnson, among others being called out as well as Kubiak?

I'm not only befuddled and boggled, but also bemused.

Some people point at the players , some point at the coaches ..... not many have pointed out that this team is without 3/5th's of the OL it started the season with lost a TE who was putting up all world numbers and its #1 RB. Add all that together with 5 game turning red zone turnovers two pick 6's by their QB and a few missed FG's and we have this cluster#@$% of a season.

El Tejano
12-23-2009, 09:23 AM
Andre "The Whiner" Johnson,


Really?

Runner
12-23-2009, 09:33 AM
Andre "The Whiner" Johnson,


Really?

I was repeating what had been said on this board recently to point out that it isn't just Kubiak who is being "picked on". I don't agree that Dre is a whiner that should just shut up:


I disagree. Look AJ is the best WR in the NFL no question. However, even he has flaws. I don't think the great players in the history of the NFL have whined, "What more can I do?" Step up or shut up! That applies to every man on the roster, every coach and the entire front office.

Botton line... I don't want to hear any whining from anyone at One Reliant Park. Just shut up and do it already.

Texan_Bill
12-23-2009, 10:01 AM
Ok let me put this in a way some people can better understand.

Let's say I'm a supervisor at a company. I go out and do a good job identifying people who fit well with how I run things. I selected them out, trained them, and prepared them well as I thought I possibly could.

So I got my guys and they're ready to make a sales pitch for a lucrative deal. They end up bungling the deal pretty bad and blows the chance for the company. Sure once it IS on them. Let's say though I continue to retain them and put them out on lucrative sales pitches and one or two of them blow the deal continuing to cost the company.

If the company owner and investors come to me looking for answers knowing these are my guys, and the answer I give out is well... you know this is a good group of kids and their failure to produce results "is on me".

Do you think I'm going to or deserve to stick around long?

Were you handed a crappy staff from the jump? Did you have to turn over almost the entire staff? Was your new staff, really, really young but had talent?? During the time while turning over almost the entire staff, did you improve sales?? What happened to your staff when key members that you relied on for production went down? Were they able to hang in there anyway??

If those questions were answered honestly and I was your boss, drawing a parallel, I would retain you.

El Tejano
12-23-2009, 10:07 AM
I was repeating what had been said on this board recently to point out that it isn't just Kubiak who is being "picked on". I don't agree that Dre is a whiner that should just shut up:

Thanks for clearing that up. I was wondering what you were thinking.

Runner
12-23-2009, 10:17 AM
Thanks for clearing that up. I was wondering what you were thinking.

What I was really thinking was:

Why do people complain that players talk in cliched sound bites, then excoriate them and call them whiners as soon as they speak with something other than butterflies coming out of their mouths and sparkles coming out of their butts.

Goldensilence
12-23-2009, 10:18 AM
Were you handed a crappy staff from the jump? Did you have to turn over almost the entire staff? Was your new staff, really, really young but had talent?? During the time while turning over almost the entire staff, did you improve sales?? What happened to your staff when key members that you relied on for production went down? Were they able to hang in there anyway??

If those questions were answered honestly and I was your boss, drawing a parallel, I would retain you.

Yes I was handed a bad staff to begin with but that was going on 5 years ago.

Yes I did have to turn over most of the staff, lopped off some bad contracts and took on a few big ones. At least the bigger ones now are more productive.

Yes the new staff is young, but so is most of middle management that I've brought on board as well.

The staff continued to blow sales, but at least I've saved the company money on their cheaper salaries.

When a few of my sales stars went down, they for the most part continued to do the same, blow sales but saved on salary. I'm starting to realize my lack of depth for my sales crew. Front line is good but, behind them leaves a lot to be desired.

But, they're my staff and it's on me if my company runs into the black this year(Which there is a real chance of). Considering I've never been able to turn a profit do i still deserve to be around?

DeMarCushPoll
12-23-2009, 10:28 AM
Since this whole fire or keep Kubiak debate started I have said Kubiak has not progresses as a coach. The team has gotten more talented and has improved but Kubiak hasnt.

When things are going good for us he cant maintain it. The other coach seems to make adjustments and stop what we are doing or Kubiak outsmarts himself and changes what is working.

And vise versa when things start going bad for us he cant seem to make the proper adjustments to turn things around. IMO this is why we are so inconsistent. Kubiak is just not good at making in-game adjustments.

He also relies on lesser talent at critical times of the game (redzone) too much which IMO is what leads to these misshaps that cost us games.

So for me at least, winning isnt enough, I want to see how he resposnds and coaches in these critical times of the game. That is what I have been waiting for all year. Some signs that he has learned from his mistakes and that he is capable of thinking outside the box and making adjustments that work.

I agree with some of what you're saying but not everything. I think he's shown signs of being able to make some necessary in-game adjustments. I recall at least four games where they were trailing at halftime, Arizona, Buff, Cinci and Rams. I beleive he made the right adjustments in those games coming back to win three of them and if not for a fumble on the 1 YL should have tied the other to send it in to overtime.

Texan_Bill
12-23-2009, 10:29 AM
Yes I was handed a bad staff to begin with but that was going on 5 years ago.

Yes I did have to turn over most of the staff, lopped off some bad contracts and took on a few big ones. At least the bigger ones now are more productive.

Yes the new staff is young, but so is most of middle management that I've brought on board as well.

The staff continued to blow sales, but at least I've saved the company money on their cheaper salaries.

When a few of my sales stars went down, they for the most part continued to do the same, blow sales but saved on salary. I'm starting to realize my lack of depth for my sales crew. Front line is good but, behind them leaves a lot to be desired.

But, they're my staff and it's on me if my company runs into the black this year(Which there is a real chance of). Considering I've never been able to turn a profit do i still deserve to be around?

5 years??? What??? He hasn't even completed his 4th seaosn...

anywho.

So, you have a young staff and young middle management? I really don't see that as a bad thing.

You're right, at least you didn't go out and blow your wad on hired guns. That hasn't worked out very well in places like Washington or Dallas.

BTW, your staff had a winning sales record before the big producer went down. The staff has managed to battle since then, but they fall a little short. Keep that staff in tact because a) they do battle b) what doesn't kill them will make them stronger down the road and c) your staff is young and can be a winner for many years to come when the pieces fall into place.

ChampionTexan
12-23-2009, 10:52 AM
Barring something embarassing and horrific (Which I consider to be very unlikely), I don't think the question is will Kubes be back next year - he will. To me the question is if The Texans finish 9-7 and miss the playoffs, will McNair choose to remove the Lame Duck status from Kubes and extend him. (and while I don't have a huge problem with Kubes being back next year, please note that I'm not endorsing an extension, just saying I could see McNair doing it).

mussop
12-23-2009, 11:13 AM
5 years??? What??? He hasn't even completed his 4th seaosn...

anywho.

So, you have a young staff and young middle management? I really don't see that as a bad thing.

You're right, at least you didn't go out and blow your wad on hired guns. That hasn't worked out very well in places like Washington or Dallas.

BTW, your staff had a winning sales record before the big producer went down. The staff has managed to battle since then, but they fall a little short. Keep that staff in tact because a) they do battle b) what doesn't kill them will make them stronger down the road and c) your staff is young and can be a winner for many years to come when the pieces fall into place.

Not if your CEO in charge of making decisions keeps putting your fate in the hands of entry level personell when it reall matters.:kitten:

Texan_Bill
12-23-2009, 11:17 AM
Not if your CEO in charge of making decisions keeps putting your fate in the hands of entry level personell when it reall matters.:kitten:

Then you shouldn't have accepted the position and remained being an underling at your old job. You knew what the job was when you accepted it.

Although in reality, your CEO is someone who likes stability. Would rather take the tortoise in the race of the tortoise and the hare.

alphajoker
12-24-2009, 02:31 PM
Ok let me put this in a way some people can better understand.

Let's say I'm a supervisor at a company. I go out and do a good job identifying people who fit well with how I run things. I selected them out, trained them, and prepared them well as I thought I possibly could.

So I got my guys and they're ready to make a sales pitch for a lucrative deal. They end up bungling the deal pretty bad and blows the chance for the company. Sure once it IS on them. Let's say though I continue to retain them and put them out on lucrative sales pitches and one or two of them blow the deal continuing to cost the company.

If the company owner and investors come to me looking for answers knowing these are my guys, and the answer I give out is well... you know this is a good group of kids and their failure to produce results "is on me".

Do you think I'm going to or deserve to stick around long?

Actually, you would probably be promoted.:choke:

Especially if you work for the gub'ment! LOL

Goldensilence
12-24-2009, 03:52 PM
Then you shouldn't have accepted the position and remained being an underling at your old job. You knew what the job was when you accepted it.

Although in reality, your CEO is someone who likes stability. Would rather take the tortoise in the race of the tortoise and the hare.

Tortoise? More like a two-toed sloth.

Slow to move and looks like he's barely hanging on.

http://crowbiz.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/two-toed-sloth.jpg