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STEEL BLUE TEXANS
03-20-2007, 04:10 PM
This is the best mock draft out there.


1. Oakland Raiders

QB
JaMarcus Russell
LSU
Jr.

If you asked a scientist to build a prototypical quarterback of the future, he would come up with JaMarcus Russell. This guy eats Peyton Manning and ****s Tom Brady. He once threw a pass 400 yards from on his back while wearing mittens. Still, I expect him to be a major disappointment.


2. Detroit Lions

OT
Joe Thomas
Wisconsin
Sr.

Jon Kitna threw a lot of interceptions last year as a result of bad protection. With Joe Thomas on board, expect him to throw them out of stupidity.


3. Cleveland Browns

LB
Lawrence Timmons
Florida State
Jr.

The Ravens were planning to take this guy at 29, so the Browns will pull the rug out from under them by taking him here. Checkmate!


4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

WR
Calvin Johnson
Georgia Tech
Sr.

Itís between Calvin Johnson and a long snapper. If they go with Calvin Johnson and lose the Super Bowl on a botched snap, it could go down as one of the biggest draft blunders in history.


5. Arizona Cardinals

G
Justin Blalock
Texas
Sr.

The Cardinals hired a nobody head coach, so they might as well draft a nobody as well. This guard will at least provide Edgerrin James with another huge target to barrel into before falling on his face.


6. Washington Redskins

CB
Chris Houston
Arkansas
Jr.

The Redskins havenít had a lot of practice in the draft lately, so someone needs to remind them they need to draft the guy first and then sign him, rather than sign every guy to a deal and then pick one.


7. Minnesota Vikings

S
Michael Griffin
Texas
Sr.

Last year in the first round, the Vikings selected Busty McBustington, Chad Greenway. This year expect them to be more cautious and pick up a safety, because only a retard could **** up the safety position.


8. Houston Texans

WR
Ted Ginn Jr.
Ohio State
Jr.

Last year David Carr threw fewer interceptions, had a higher completion percentage, and still somehow managed to be completely ineffective. Look for the Texans to draft a receiver here for him to throw to when his tailback is covered.


9. Miami Dolphins

OT
Joe Staley
Central Michigan
Sr.

Staley is the kind of player who plays all the way to the whistle, which is good because too many of their guys last year were stopping halfway through the play and jogging to the locker room. Thatís why they had such lousy protection.


10. Atlanta Falcons

OT
Levi Brown
Penn State
Sr.

This lineman will provide additional protection for Mike Vick, which is the last thing he needs, since heís at his best when heís running for his life. Thatís why the Falcons are praying the guy will be a bust.


11. San Francisco 49ers

DT
Alan Branch
Michigan
Jr.

Alan Branch is a defensive tackle. The 49ers employ defensive tackles on their defense. This is a no brainer.


12. Buffalo Bills

DE
Jamaal Anderson
Arkansas
Jr.

The Bills desperatly need a running back but there are no good ones available. I suggest they trade down a spot and see if there are any there.


13. St. Louis Rams

DE
Anthony Spencer
Purdue
Sr.

Scott Linehan really changed the culture in the Rams locker room last year. Too bad he couldnít change the culture on the field. Decent offense, embarrassing defense. Sound familiar? The Rams essentially switched coaches so they could save a few time outs.


14. Carolina Panthers

WR
Sidney Rice
South Carolina
Jr.

The Panthers offense made a lot of plays last year, but they were all bad. This guy should change all that, provided they replace all the other players on the offense and opposing defenders donít wear helmets.


15. Pittsburgh Steelers

ILB
Patrick Willis
Mississippi
Sr.

New coach Mike Tomlin is going to stick with the 4-3 (or is it 3-4?) which means theyíll need an inside linebacker or something. Honestly, I havenít done much research on this. Call Football Outsiders if you want a ****ing algorithm. All I know is their defense blew last year.


16. Green Bay Packers

ILB
David Harris
Michigan
Sr.

The Packers should pick up an inside linebacker here because the Steelers are taking an inside linebacker and they seem to know what theyíre doing.


17. Jacksonville Jaguars

QB
Joe Dailey
North Carolina
Jr.

The Jaguars will address a need here at the third string quarterback position. This guy was a second string quarterback in college, so the transition should be easy for him.


18. Cincinatti Bengals

TE
Greg Olsen
Miami
Sr.

The Bengals continue to draft for defense, but their defense keeps getting worse. This year will bring an unexpected shift when they draft for offense and their defense gets worse.


19. Tennessee Titans

WR
Dwyane Jarrett
USC
Jr.

If quarterbacks were evaluated solely on passing yards (like in the olden days), Vince Young would have been considered one of the worst quarterbacks in the NFL last year. Luckily, quarterbacking appears to be based on your teamís won-loss record and the amount of times pundits say your name. Vince Young! There, thatís one MVP vote for next year


20. New York Giants

RB
Marshawn Lynch
California
Jr.

The worst player in the draft. But Tom Coughlin should be able to coach him up to the second or third worst player before he gets fired in November.


21. Denver Broncos

OLB
Paul Posluszny
Penn State
Sr.

They can pick anybody here because they really don't have any holes. Actually, when they pick this guy theyíll have a hole at linebacker.


22. Dallas Cowboys

S
Josh Gattis
Wake Forest
Sr.

They already have one safety who can smack people around, now they need one who can play defense. This guy's job will be to knock down passes so Roy Williams can concentrate on injuring people.


23. Kansas City Chiefs

WR
Dwyane Bowe
LSU
Sr.

The Chiefs should select any receiver in college football and immediately make him their go-to guy. Also, make him their wide receiver coach.


24. New England Patriots

S
LaRon Landry
LSU
Sr.

Tom Brady is in some hot water having knocked up whatís-her-face. What was he thinking? He should have known that sperm can sometimes create babies. Then again, she should have told him, so thereís plenty of blame to go around.


25. New York Jets

RB
Adrian Peterson
Oklahoma
Jr.

This is a perfect spot for the Jets to pick a running back. Even though they already have Thomas Jones, it would be funny to make him split carries with a rookie just to watch him go all ape****.


26. Philadelphia Eagles

DT
Amobi Okoye
Louisville
Sr.

This guy was born in Nigeria or something and has overcome a bunch of adversity which means heíll be a good run stopper, I guess. I donít know. If heís so smart, what was he doing being born in Nigeria in the first place?


27. New Orleans Saints

DT
Justin Harrell
Tennessee
Sr.

The Saints had a solid run defense last year but a lousy pass defense, so they should grab a safety or a cornerback here. This guy is a defensive lineman, though, so I donít know what theyíre thinking.


28. New England Patriots

LB
Buster Davis
Florida State
Sr.

If I have nothing to say about a certain pick, can I skip over it? Good.


29. Baltimore Ravens

G
Ben Grubbs
Auburn
Sr.

The Bills decided to go with no running back at all rather than keep Willis McGahee, which shows you what an amazing ďcoupĒ it was for the Ravens to get him. They should draft an offensive lineman here to give him more time to tap dance before being swarmed by defenders.


30. San Diego Chargers

WR
Robert Meachem
Tennessee
Jr.

Meachem is a mature player with a very high football IQ, which means heíll be tuning out Norv Turner by around Week 8 and leading an all-out locker room revolt by Week 14.


31. Chicago Bears

DE
Adam Carriker
Nebraska
Sr.

This guy may not be the top guy on the board, but he has certain qualities (heís white) that would make him appealing (heís white) on pretty much any team (white), including mine (I heart whites).


32. Indianapolis Colts

QB
Brady Quinn
Notre Dame
Sr.

Holy ****. I forget all about this guy. Looks like the Colts get him.


http://thebrushback.com/mockdraft07.htm


:dance2:

HuttoKarl
03-20-2007, 04:19 PM
19


WR

Dwyane Jarrett

USC

Jr.

If quarterbacks were evaluated solely on passing yards (like in the olden days), Vince Young would have been considered one of the worst quarterbacks in the NFL last year. Luckily, quarterbacking appears to be based on your teamís won-loss record and the amount of times pundits say your name. Vince Young! There, thatís one MVP vote for next year.


:elmo: :dance2: :elmo:

texans83
03-20-2007, 04:24 PM
19


WR

Dwyane Jarrett

USC

Jr.

If quarterbacks were evaluated solely on passing yards (like in the olden days), Vince Young would have been considered one of the worst quarterbacks in the NFL last year. Luckily, quarterbacking appears to be based on your teamís won-loss record and the amount of times pundits say your name. Vince Young! There, thatís one MVP vote for next year.


:elmo: :dance2: :elmo:

If qb are rated strictly on win loss percentage then why are fans in chicago so upset with their QB huh? Oh and ill put money on VY NOT being the mvp next year.

HomeBred_Texan
03-20-2007, 04:26 PM
This has to be the dumbest mock draft I have ever seen....

powerfuldragon
03-20-2007, 04:27 PM
Last year David Carr threw fewer interceptions, had a higher completion percentage, and still somehow managed to be completely ineffective. Look for the Texans to draft a receiver here for him to throw to when his tailback is covered.

that statement is one of the best i've read regarding our throwing game.

HoustonFrog
03-20-2007, 04:28 PM
Thanks for that. I love the Brushback. That and The Onion are required reading. Props to you.

Gamehorn25
03-20-2007, 04:40 PM
Sidney Rice at 14, a bit of a reach, but not too much. He is awesome.

HuttoKarl
03-20-2007, 04:51 PM
If qb are rated strictly on win loss percentage then why are fans in chicago so upset with their QB huh? Oh and ill put money on VY NOT being the mvp next year.

This is a satirical website...that means "it's a joke...not serious."

mexican_texan
03-20-2007, 06:38 PM
Alan Branch is a defensive tackle. The 49ers employ defensive tackles on their defense. This is a no brainer.
HA! Wrong.

gg no re
03-20-2007, 06:55 PM
The Packers should pick up an inside linebacker here because the Steelers are taking an inside linebacker and they seem to know what they’re doing.This killed me pretty quickly!

awtysst
03-20-2007, 08:08 PM
This is the best mock draft out there.





http://thebrushback.com/mockdraft07.htm


:dance2:

HILARIOUS, rep coming your way.

JCTexan
03-20-2007, 08:35 PM
That's the funniest mock I've seen so far. :joker:

Navy_Chris
03-20-2007, 09:08 PM
8. Houston Texans

WR
Ted Ginn Jr.
Ohio State
Jr.

Last year David Carr threw fewer interceptions, had a higher completion percentage, and still somehow managed to be completely ineffective. Look for the Texans to draft a receiver here for him to throw to when his tailback is covered.

isn't that the truth?!

kastofsna
03-20-2007, 09:53 PM
nice writeup on Carriker.

Texas_Thrill
03-20-2007, 11:14 PM
Man HILARIOUS. This is just what we needed as everyone has a tightrope up their ass waiting on the draft.

why did ANYONE take this serious for those that did?

Ole Miss Texan
03-21-2007, 12:46 AM
Man HILARIOUS. This is just what we needed as everyone has a tightrope up their ass waiting on the draft.

why did ANYONE take this serious for those that did?

I was just reading the picks at first and not the explanation and thought that these people were partially retar...well never mind.

that is a really funny mock...and explanations.

Texas_Thrill
03-21-2007, 12:55 AM
I think my favorite is #2.

Specnatz
03-21-2007, 04:59 AM
The worst player in the draft. But Tom Coughlin should be able to coach him up to the second or third worst player before he gets fired in November.

Ya know this is funny, but at the same time could be true.

Funny stuff.

threetoedpete
03-21-2007, 12:40 PM
This has to be the dumbest mock draft I have ever seen....

Agreed: Browns taking the second rated Will in the draft....at least ten spots too high. With...Romeo on the hot seat ? And they have no offensive identity nor anyone to stop the run. And the Texan's taking a guy who no one has seen run since the sugar bowl. Makes perfect sense to me. In terms of different...yeah it's a prety good effort. I don't think the Timmons pick was the only thing that was high when the guy did this one.

freedoggy77
03-21-2007, 05:16 PM
this is just about the STUPIDEST mock i have ever seen. lawrence timmons at 3? WTF i know cleveland is stupid, but NO ONE is that stupid...this is retarded

Texas_Thrill
03-21-2007, 05:19 PM
this is just about the STUPIDEST mock i have ever seen. lawrence timmons at 3? WTF i know cleveland is stupid, but NO ONE is that stupid...this is retarded

ummmm please tell me you know its a JOKE.

there is way to many uptight folks on the boards right now. joke right in our face and we still make it serious. :joker:

Ryan
03-21-2007, 05:41 PM
lol peterson at # 25!!!

powerfuldragon
03-21-2007, 07:00 PM
this is just about the STUPIDEST mock i have ever seen. lawrence timmons at 3? WTF i know cleveland is stupid, but NO ONE is that stupid...this is retarded

Agreed: Browns taking the second rated Will in the draft....at least ten spots too high. With...Romeo on the hot seat ? And they have no offensive identity nor anyone to stop the run. And the Texan's taking a guy who no one has seen run since the sugar bowl. Makes perfect sense to me. In terms of different...yeah it's a prety good effort. I don't think the Timmons pick was the only thing that was high when the guy did this one.

This has to be the dumbest mock draft I have ever seen....


sigh.

TFL
03-21-2007, 07:18 PM
12. Buffalo Bills

DE
Jamaal Anderson
Arkansas
Jr.

The Bills desperatly need a running back but there are no good ones available. I suggest they trade down a spot and see if there are any there.

Best one I think