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rockabilly
10-12-2006, 01:53 PM
From todays newspaper:

10/12/06
AP Newswire

By George Starlicker

(Dallas) Well the time has come for the rematch of two Texas teams. This Sunday matches up the 2-2 Dallas Cowboys vs the 1-3 Houston Texans. Houston first shocked the football world in their inaugural game when they defeated the Dallas Cowboys 19-10. Will history repeat itself?

Coming home after a tough loss to Philadelphia, the Cowboys better not take the Texans lightly. If the Cowboys once again lose to the Texans, hell can temporarily break loose.

Drew Bledsoe had some words.

"I think we best be scared. I know I pooped my pants yesterday. It was horrible. I got it all over my couch and my daughter." But besides uncontrollable bowels, Bledsoe has more on his plate. "I am scared to death of Mario Williams. I know that he will get to me and break my hips. I have been practicing taking sacks in hopes that I learn how to fall correctly." Mario Williams will be looking for blood come Sunday as the Texans will indeed look to blitz.

Terrell Owens has also been vocal about Sunday's game. "I wish I had not taken all my pain pills, because now I have none to use after Houston knocks the crap out of me. We have been working on some plays that involve Drew just throwing the ball straight up in the air and hoping that someone catches it. He is learning to throw from his back. I think I can help in this situation. I......"(T.O. has collapsed)

Help he better. Because if Dallas can't stay on offense, they must then deal with David Carr who has improved under new head coach Gary Kubiak.

Bill Parcels had the following to say.

"We are worried about David Carr. Lately he has been getting the ball to his receivers. We messed up earlier this week by watching tape of him from the previous season when a completed pass was like seeing a shooting star. We finally saw recent tapes this morning and now it's too late. I dont know what to do. I have been trying to find a good bra for myself to keep my mind off him. Victoria Secret has done wonders. But as far as Houston goes, I think we may be in for trouble."

If Dallas is in for trouble, Houston can be on its way to success. Coming off a victory against Miami and having an extra week of rest and preparation, the Governers Cup may be safe in the Texans hands.

Bledsoe said it best with his last comment.

"I am prepared: The hospital already has my room ready. The city is prepared: The newspapers already have excuses ready to print. All we have to do is go out there. I just don't know why we aren't starting Romo."

The Cowboys deal with Houston this Sunday at 12 noon.

:redtowel:

underdog65
10-12-2006, 01:57 PM
Sarcasm is so funny sometimes.

TheOgre
10-12-2006, 02:07 PM
Sarcasm is so funny sometimes.


The key word in that sense is sometimes.

Sco-tai
10-12-2006, 02:28 PM
From todays newspaper:

10/12/06
AP Newswire

By George Starlicker





Ummmmm. Don't quit your day job.

:shoot:

powerfuldragon
10-12-2006, 02:33 PM
Ummmmm. Don't quit your day job.

:shoot:
Zing!

Double Barrel
10-12-2006, 02:35 PM
Please provide a link if this was actually printed in a newspaper. We don't want to get in trouble with copywright laws.

As far as the sarcasm goes...'eh.

Texan Asylum
10-12-2006, 02:41 PM
I was halfway through this article when it came apparent what this was...then I had to smile.:)

Thanks for the laugh.

Runner
10-12-2006, 02:44 PM
Trouble is, what have we been saying in our Beat Dallas threads? We need a monster pass rush from Mario up the middle and we need Carr to perform big in the passing game.

The jokes are our last vestiges of hope.

Marcus
10-12-2006, 03:24 PM
Gotta admit I was sucked in until I read Bledsoe's "quote". Successfully drawing one in is an indirect goal of sarcasm. Good job. :)

rockabilly
10-12-2006, 03:36 PM
I write articles for a living (I own a music magazine). I woke up this morning and started playing around with a mock article. Just trying to have fun...I know I dont deserve any comedy awards! haha

texaslifter
10-12-2006, 03:40 PM
Please provide a link if this was actually printed in a newspaper. We don't want to get in trouble with copywright laws.

As far as the sarcasm goes...'eh.

It's a damn message board. You will never get in trouble with copyright laws.

Sarg01
10-12-2006, 03:43 PM
Good effort!

Since this is an article about the Cowboys, the headline must include at least one (preferably more) of the following words: T.O., Terrell, Owens. Given your Owens quote - "wish I had not taken all my pain pills" - might I suggest "T.O. sorry for overdose"?

Double Barrel
10-12-2006, 05:58 PM
It's a damn message board. You will never get in trouble with copyright laws.

It's the damn rules of the board. Take it up with Vinny if you have a problem with it. :howdy:

TEXANS84
10-12-2006, 06:21 PM
It's a damn message board. You will never get in trouble with copyright laws.


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sleepwalker
10-13-2006, 02:12 PM
LOL I love Bledsoes comments regarding Mario!!! The guy definitely has a sense of humor.