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barzilla
12-04-2005, 11:24 PM
Warning: Dangerous levels of sarcasm........

When the team sat there at 1-9 they knew they could not improve upon their franchise high seven wins from 2004. At every point it looked possible with the remaining schedule perhaps the softest in league history. The club embarked on a secret plan called "Operation Bush". The club would have to appear not to lose on purpose without giving maximum effort.

OBSTACLE ONE: RAMS

The Rams had one of the worst defenses going in and rumors that their first two QBs couldn't go. The game started innocently enough with Martin getting the start, but when he got knocked out and the Texans mounted a 24-3 lead, gloom came over the faces of the Texans brass.

Charlie Casserly just saw Bush torch Fresno State and he was freaking out. Not to worry, Fangio got to work in the lockerroom devising a defense. Since David Carr has never been on board, the offensive staff went to work on the Texans recievers and running backs. They told them to pretend to bobble the ball and pop it up so the defenders could intercept it.

Giving up 10 points in 35 seconds proved difficult but the defense got it done.

OPERATION BUSH MVP: Marcus Coleman drops onside kick and fumbles an interception he never should have made. Clutch.

OBSTACLE TWO: Ravens

Wow, you bring us an inept defense one week and an inept offense the next. Joe Pendry went to work on this one. After all, the Texans have a reputation being pitiful offensively and everyone knows it would look suspicious for the Texans to surrender 30+ points to this group.

Domanick Davis refused to take part in Operation Bush this week. He saw how Bush torched UCLA and knew he needed a job somewhere in the NFL. Besides, his 155 yards took suspicions off of him. Andre Johnson on the other hand had a brilliant week against the Rams, so dropping an easy touchdown wouldn't have NFL officials blowing the whistle.

OPERATION BUSH MVP: Texans Offense manages to outgain the Ravens by a significant margin and generate less than them. Definitely clutch.

Future Obstacles to Operation Bush: Cardinals, Titans, and 49ers.

On tap this week, the Texans brass will work with Dom Capers on keeping his mouth closed on the sideline. The front office took a lot of angry phone calls after Mooch was fired in Detroit. People smelt a rat. The front office privately admitted to insiders that keeping the operation from being discovered was made more difficult by Capers' general inept appearance.

Future projects

1) Offensive line- Don't improve too much
2) Shawntee Orr- five and a half sacks in two weeks? Calm down guy, you've got a job next year
3) Talk secretly to teams playing the Jets, Packers, and 49ers. We need breathing room folks.

Napa Auto Parts
12-04-2005, 11:42 PM
Was David Carr a part of this operation he did give up that INT for a Tocuhdown:sarcasm:

barzilla
12-04-2005, 11:47 PM
That's the beauty of the conspiracy. It's impossible to say whether it is normal incompetence or planned imcompetence.

TMac48
12-05-2005, 12:01 AM
LOL, excellent post.

Honoring Earl 34
12-05-2005, 06:58 AM
:texflag: Shawntee Orr is finally living up to all those picks we used to get him .

rittenhouserobz
12-05-2005, 07:10 AM
Barzilla that was great. I think this thread should stay near the top. It is a little bit of humor in a sea of despair this football season.

Meisterman
12-05-2005, 07:54 AM
Man was this another close one. As the game went under 5 minutes, I knew that Carr would step up and make that big play. Sure enough, that vaunted side arm delivery paid dividends ....tipped pass for an interception and score. And later when all looked lost ..Kyle "one minute" Boller" overcame that Fangio 3-4 (including a time out to plan his brilliant strategy) and got in field goal range.:rolleyes:

Keep up it Texans....."Protect That Draft Pick!":texflag:

barzilla
12-05-2005, 08:28 AM
One can only wonder what brilliant strategy the club has in store for us this week. You see fellas (and gals) it's all a matter of perspective. The line between total incompetence and complete and utter brilliance is a thin one.

Bullpen Drew
12-05-2005, 08:48 AM
seems like whenever we hit rockbottom, we break out the pick and shovel!

DRAMA
12-05-2005, 10:35 AM
We need breathing room folks.

Hitler - 1937

:)

eriadoc
12-05-2005, 10:46 AM
Was David Carr a part of this operation he did give up that INT for a Tocuhdown:sarcasm:

He "gave it up", huh? OK then ......

Just so I'm clear on the terminology used here, how would you have phrased it if it had been thrown right to a defender instead of batted up in the air?

SESupergenius
12-05-2005, 02:33 PM
I call shenanigans. There's no way we lose those last 2 games in the last minute without some influence on the upper management. I want a complete audit of all conversations and copies of all documents leading up to this last loss.

edo783
12-05-2005, 03:45 PM
Looking at the contenders for the 1st pick..GB, JETS, 49ers and us...I see the Jets and GB wining atleast 1 and likely 2 games of those left. We and the 49ers will likely lose out and then play for the first pick in the last game. Hate to say it, but we will likely win that one and get the second pick. 49ers will undoubtably take Bush. Then we will need someone to really want LionFart to get a good trade down situation. Jets would be the most likely partner as well as the Titanics and the Ravens. A second this year and a third next would be a probable deal IMO.

compy75
12-05-2005, 03:47 PM
Edo, on it's face you seem to be on target. However, remember 2 things 1) the Niners may find a way at home sometime this year, they do play well there 2) This team finds a way to lose. Which is exactly why the thread is so funny.

rmartin65
12-05-2005, 04:50 PM
This is some funny stuff, it does seem kinda like a conspiracy.

Sarg01
12-05-2005, 05:08 PM
San Fran does still have a game left against the Rams, so there's a shot of them knocking themselves out of a #1-#2 showdown week 17.

SBTexans08
12-05-2005, 05:09 PM
What good is anything when you have nothing else? So I don't think it makes a difference then. Thats even more a reason to get the best player in the draft, because your team is so far down that there isn't any one patch or fix that gonna turn things around. So you might as well at least start with the best patch that is available, bush.

Again, 1 pick is 1 pick. They can still address weaknesses with their 6 or 7 other picks.

Offensively they need a RB. They need a OL too, but a rookie OL isn't gonna help much IMO. That line is horrible, and they are in desperate need of some good veteran linemen (you guys shoulda signed John Tait and/or Ruben Brown this past offseason, both have been probowlers mutliple times, the bears signed them both in the offseason and our line has been great).

You guys have a WR in Johnson. QB is still in the air. So a very good or great RB would improve things. Having that deadly of a RB may give Carr as much additional time in the pocket as would the top rookie OL.

You could go either way, theres no right way really. But I just look at it like you don't pass on Jordan, not anymore. Jordan was passed over, and ever since its been the reminder of why you don't pass on such a great prospect. I couldn't see anyone passing on Lebron, no matter what their need was.

Well Bush is the greatest college player to come out in a long long long time. Kinda hard to pass on that IMO. I'd rather be the GM that took him and he ended up a bust and it ended up setting the franchise back 1 season, as opposed to the GM that passed on him and Bush goes on to be a 2 time league MVP, top 5 all time NFL leading rusher, multiple super bowl's, multiple pro bowls.

HJam72
12-05-2005, 05:19 PM
I'm afraid DD's going to become one highly paid punt returner.

compy75
12-05-2005, 05:22 PM
SBTexans, I understand your points. However, unlike basketball, a running back's success is predicated on a number of things. You discuss a running back setting up favorable situations for Carr, well 3 of the last 4 weeks DD has started defenses have stacked the line with 10 men. What else can a tailback do?

I agree if an elite player was out there, we can't pass on him. I just am not sold Reggie Bush is an elite NFL player. He's not a definitive running back, and his size is a question.

barzilla
12-05-2005, 07:13 PM
Damn, you guys turned an attempt at humor into a serious discussion. Ahhrrrhhhhggg!

Seriously for a second. I don't think this team is as far off as people think. Yes, teams like the Colts own us, but they've always owned us. I think you take the best player (whoever that might be) and count your lucky stars that you got him.

Coach C.
12-05-2005, 07:15 PM
Look, I don't think anyone has to worry now. We are getting Bush. He is playing so good right now, it would be inconcievable not to pick him. You would have to be out of your mind. We'll get a o-lineman in the 2nd round. The only argument now is what # is Bush going to wear?

The only argument is why are we going to spend the #1 pick and $40+ million on a part-time RB, part-time WR? Sure we can get a functional OL later in the draft, but how is Bush going to fit into our team well enough to warrant such a high pick?

Coach C.
12-05-2005, 07:18 PM
What good is anything when you have nothing else? So I don't think it makes a difference then. Thats even more a reason to get the best player in the draft, because your team is so far down that there isn't any one patch or fix that gonna turn things around. So you might as well at least start with the best patch that is available, bush.

Again, 1 pick is 1 pick. They can still address weaknesses with their 6 or 7 other picks.

Offensively they need a RB. They need a OL too, but a rookie OL isn't gonna help much IMO. That line is horrible, and they are in desperate need of some good veteran linemen (you guys shoulda signed John Tait and/or Ruben Brown this past offseason, both have been probowlers mutliple times, the bears signed them both in the offseason and our line has been great).

You guys have a WR in Johnson. QB is still in the air. So a very good or great RB would improve things. Having that deadly of a RB may give Carr as much additional time in the pocket as would the top rookie OL.

You could go either way, theres no right way really. But I just look at it like you don't pass on Jordan, not anymore. Jordan was passed over, and ever since its been the reminder of why you don't pass on such a great prospect. I couldn't see anyone passing on Lebron, no matter what their need was.

Well Bush is the greatest college player to come out in a long long long time. Kinda hard to pass on that IMO. I'd rather be the GM that took him and he ended up a bust and it ended up setting the franchise back 1 season, as opposed to the GM that passed on him and Bush goes on to be a 2 time league MVP, top 5 all time NFL leading rusher, multiple super bowl's, multiple pro bowls.


How often are veteran OL released? Not very often at all. Our attempts at doing that last year yielded Victor Riley, one of the worst LT experiments in the history of the NFL. That leaves having to pick up a decent OL in free agency and probably overpaying them to come here or else drafting the best ones available in the draft.

SBTexans08
12-05-2005, 07:55 PM
CLICK ME TO SOME OF THE BEST FILM ON A RARE TYPE OF PROSPECT (http://video.on.nytimes.com/ifr_main.jsp?nsid=b-6e1d86b3:107fcba794e:7cee&st=1133829522234&mp=WMP&cpf=true&fr=120505_073843_w6e1d86b3x107fcba794ex7cef&rdm=507182.04879808524)

just go there, click on sports from the menu to the right, and you should see one of the choices says "reggie bush HS highlights". For those interested, enjoy.

I'm just saying....a guy like Bush is rare. The worst could happen is, barring injuries, is that he'd turn out to be a good back cause the talent he's got warrants him that. But....IMO....this guy will turn out to be one of the greatest and having him, Johnson, Carr, Robinson....and a few more tweaks at personnel....we have a superb team. Last year the Texans were 7-9....a few games away from playoffs. A guy like Bush, a coaching staff make-over, along with a TE........offensively.......WATCH OUT!

Coaches can affect players drastically. Just look at what a big difference coaching can do in the ex-Browns D-line that is now in Denver. When they were in Cleveland.......wow.....piss poor D-line. They go over to Denver, a complete turn around. Everyone though Shanahan was out of his mind. But a good coach can make things happen. I believe that once we get some competent coaches here.....even our O-line can improve.

We cannot however pass up on Bush......we just can't!

Coach C.
12-05-2005, 08:01 PM
CLICK ME TO SOME OF THE BEST FILM ON A RARE TYPE OF PROSPECT (http://video.on.nytimes.com/ifr_main.jsp?nsid=b-6e1d86b3:107fcba794e:7cee&st=1133829522234&mp=WMP&cpf=true&fr=120505_073843_w6e1d86b3x107fcba794ex7cef&rdm=507182.04879808524)

just go there, click on sports from the menu to the right, and you should see one of the choices says "reggie bush HS highlights". For those interested, enjoy.

I'm just saying....a guy like Bush is rare. The worst could happen is, barring injuries, is that he'd turn out to be a good back cause the talent he's got warrants him that. But....IMO....this guy will turn out to be one of the greatest and having him, Johnson, Carr, Robinson....and a few more tweaks at personnel....we have a superb team. Last year the Texans were 7-9....a few games away from playoffs. A guy like Bush, a coaching staff make-over, along with a TE........offensively.......WATCH OUT!

Coaches can affect players drastically. Just look at what a big difference coaching can do in the ex-Browns D-line that is now in Denver. When they were in Cleveland.......wow.....piss poor D-line. They go over to Denver, a complete turn around. Everyone though Shanahan was out of his mind. But a good coach can make things happen. I believe that once we get some competent coaches here.....even our O-line can improve.

We cannot however pass up on Bush......we just can't!

Not this video again!! I'm glad to see Reggie Bush can break tackles on 15 year old boys, how does that translate to his abilities in the NFL? Why not bring up middle school, pop warner, and pee wee home videos? At least put together a highlight tape of his college plays.

SBTexans08
12-05-2005, 08:09 PM
Not this video again!! I'm glad to see Reggie Bush can break tackles on 15 year old boys, how does that translate to his abilities in the NFL? Why not bring up middle school, pop warner, and pee wee home videos? At least put together a highlight tape of his college plays.
If I find college tape on him...I'll post it. That's raw talent....sheer raw talent. Imagine at a pro level. You already know what he does as a college player.

sprtsfanatic
12-05-2005, 08:24 PM
Not this video again!! I'm glad to see Reggie Bush can break tackles on 15 year old boys, how does that translate to his abilities in the NFL? Why not bring up middle school, pop warner, and pee wee home videos? At least put together a highlight tape of his college plays.


Your forgetting that this is what he does against his peers...dont think that he's playing lower level guys...these are guys that are supposed to be on his level and if he dominates them...then guess what...they are still his peers...he's playing against a few of them now. So your reply was a pretty lame attempt at trying to convince people that we should not get him.

I dont care either way. He would be a great addition and a rare talent to pass on, but I also understand our need to fix our O line...that being said...I hope we draft well and draft bpa at whatever spot we pick in...lets just hope its #1 or 2.

MorKnolle
12-05-2005, 09:52 PM
Your forgetting that this is what he does against his peers...dont think that he's playing lower level guys...these are guys that are supposed to be on his level and if he dominates them...then guess what...they are still his peers...he's playing against a few of them now. So your reply was a pretty lame attempt at trying to convince people that we should not get him.

I dont care either way. He would be a great addition and a rare talent to pass on, but I also understand our need to fix our O line...that being said...I hope we draft well and draft bpa at whatever spot we pick in...lets just hope its #1 or 2.

I understand that but at the same time there are hundreds of thousands of high schoolers that play football and maybe 2% of them make it to the NCAA, and another 2% of them make the NFL, so maybe 1 out of 2500 high school players are NFL quality. While Bush was going against people in his age in that video, I hardly call them his peers. I do acknowledge that Bush has great talent but I truly do not believe he would be the best draft pick for this team.

CyberTexan
12-05-2005, 11:13 PM
gotta love that video , you know everytime I see him run One name pops in my head the way he bounces out of tackles and runs , he reminds me of a Rubber Band Man LOL

Carr Bombed
12-05-2005, 11:13 PM
Well then this championship game between USC and Texas should be very interesting. No one doubts that there are plenty of nfl prospects on both teams. If Bush goes off in this game there shouldn't be anymore doubters and he'll solidify his position as the #1 pick in the draft regardless who has the pick

Texans_Chick
12-05-2005, 11:38 PM
On tap this week, the Texans brass will work with Dom Capers on keeping his mouth closed on the sideline. The front office took a lot of angry phone calls after Mooch was fired in Detroit. People smelt a rat. The front office privately admitted to insiders that keeping the operation from being discovered was made more difficult by Capers' general inept appearance.

I've wondered if Capers has some sort of medical condition that causes the mouth opening thing other than just having a season full of moments worthy of duh face. Like if he had some terrible sinus problems or something.

Or perhaps he is fighting bruxism. Bruxism is the medical term for teeth grinding, gnashing or clenching of teeth and is often caused by severe stress. I am sure coach has great reason to be feeling lots of stress in his position.

One of the therapies for bruxism is behavior therapy--telling yourself, "Lips together, teeth apart." Perhaps, Coach Capers is doing the teeth apart thing, fighting the inevitable bruxism of his job, but forgetting the lips together part of the equation.

As Texans fans, you too may have engaged in gnashing of teeth as well. It is likely that our fan stress will go unabated for the near future. So, as a public service, I am offering a link about bruxism, its causes and treatment:

Lips together, teeth apart. (http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/DS/00337.html)

I like Capers, and I really do wish the best for him. My friend who is a Panthers fan said when we hired him that he really is a good training wheels head coach.

MorKnolle
12-06-2005, 12:03 AM
Well then this championship game between USC and Texas should be very interesting. No one doubts that there are plenty of nfl prospects on both teams. If Bush goes off in this game there shouldn't be anymore doubters and he'll solidify his position as the #1 pick in the draft regardless who has the pick

Agreed. I don't doubt Bush will be the #1 pick or at least in the top 2-3, but I don't think the Texans will take him. Either way, we'll have to wait four weeks for the BCS game then see how the combine and everything else goes.

profan
12-06-2005, 12:28 AM
Agreed. I don't doubt Bush will be the #1 pick or at least in the top 2-3, but I don't think the Texans will take him. Either way, we'll have to wait four weeks for the BCS game then see how the combine and everything else goes.

Do you think bush will attend the combine? I think he has proven enough to be a sure #1 pic and the combine would not help his stock at all.