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View Full Version : Why dont We Just Hire Some Guys From This Board To Be Our Coaches!


TexansR#1
10-23-2005, 12:44 AM
Sounds to me like yall could do a better job then dumb and dumber over there ... maybe yall should get McNair's # and give him a ring

Texan by Birth .. Texans By CHOICE :texflag:

Hervoyel
10-23-2005, 01:57 AM
That's an excellent suggestion and I want each and every one of you to know that under the new "Hervoyel" regime the Texans are going to play aggressive on both sides of the ball and I expect no problems whatsoever handling the additional GM duties.

I've got some announcements to make by the way so I'd like to go ahead and do that here during my hiring press conference.

First of all I've spoken with the GM of the Kansas City Chiefs and they've agreed to take Patrick Buchanon off of our hands so long as we include Travis Johnson in the deal. In return we're getting Derrick Johnson and a 3rd in next years draft.

We're starting Jerry DeLoach the rest of the season at TJ's spot and "Petey" Faggins is going to start for us the rest of the year on P-Burnts side. We'll address his eventual replacement in free agency.

DJ plugs right into Kailee Wongs spot on the inside. Yes I expect him to have some growing pains changing teams in the middle of the season. No I don't think anything he does can look bad when held up against what our linebackers have been giving us.

David Carr's my quarterback so everyone talking about drafting Leinart can settle down. We're going to draft a LT in the first next year. In the meantime this team is going to have a very limited passing game. I know it's going to be no fun to watch but the previous regime left me no choice. We can't protect him and he has no idea what a reasonable amount of time to hold the ball is. We're going to have to address this during the mini camps and training camp. Until then he's not going to be throwing anything longer than about twenty yards and he won't be dropping back more than three steps.

There will be more information on Monday morning after we get beat by the Colts. Yes I said we're going to get beaten by the Colts. That shouldn't come as any surprise to you people. Who in their right mind could possible expect a win against the only undefeated team in the NFL on the day after the owner hands over the team to a fan? I don't even have my coaching staff in place yet!

Speaking of which I need to check and see about something. Porky? You ready to be my defense coordinator? c'mon man, I need your help here and I need Vinny to coach the offense. You guys get back to me as soon as you can. Otherwise I'm going to look real stupid on the sideline tomorrow by myself.

touttail
10-23-2005, 06:13 AM
Herv,

You are doing an excellent job my friend.

Just disagree with you on two things:

1--Petey is just as bad if not worse than PBuch. Petey gets burnt much too often. DBennett ate his lunch twice right in front of us during the Titan game.

2--You gotta pass or they will continue to line up a 8 man front like Seattle did and you can't run nor pass.


I was a defensive lineman for 6 years in school, so I would like to apply for the DLine coaching job!

bobby 119C

HJam72
10-23-2005, 06:21 AM
Can I coach the cheerleaders? :drool:

utahmark
10-23-2005, 10:20 AM
Herv,

You are doing an excellent job my friend.

Just disagree with you on two things:

1--Petey is just as bad if not worse than PBuch. Petey gets burnt much too often. DBennett ate his lunch twice right in front of us during the Titan game.

2--You gotta pass or they will continue to line up a 8 man front like Seattle did and you can't run nor pass.


I was a defensive lineman for 6 years in school, so I would like to apply for the DLine coaching job!

bobby 119C

they are already second guessing you. they will be calling for your head soon. kc gm called back and said they changed their mind on that deal.

Vinny
10-23-2005, 10:52 AM
Speaking of which I need to check and see about something. Porky? You ready to be my defense coordinator? c'mon man, I need your help here and I need Vinny to coach the offense. You guys get back to me as soon as you can. Otherwise I'm going to look real stupid on the sideline tomorrow by myself.
This is going to be a rocky regime. I wonder what the over/under will be on Porky bum-rushing me and taking a swing at me?

Porky
10-23-2005, 11:13 AM
This is going to be a rocky regime. I wonder what the over/under will be on Porky bum-rushing me and taking a swing at me?

You're a bit bigger than me, so it might be the opposite. But, I do have something extra special in my game plan. I call it the 34D Blitz. I have seven guys drop into coverage, and rush four cheerleaders. Payton will actually WANT to get sacked. As I see it, that is our only hope. I appreciate the offer Herv, and gladly accept. I will work for free as long as I don't have to bunk with Vinny on road trips. :tomato:

bckey
10-23-2005, 12:20 PM
At least let us do the drafting and free agent signing.

YoungTexanFan
10-23-2005, 12:43 PM
the drafting should be done by a small group of people, extremely devoted to the draft. i would suggest: beerlover, NFLdraft, me...YoungTexanFan, infantryrock, and hervoyle.

we have an odd number of people in this group to help on tie breakers.

Texas
10-23-2005, 02:43 PM
I choose Vinny!

YoungTexanFan
10-23-2005, 04:13 PM
I choose Vinny!

I second that!

Vinny for GM!!!

Porky
10-23-2005, 04:21 PM
Oh wonderful...we'll get to here every game how Carr isn't Peyton Manning, and how everyone is perfect except for Carr. Please...I'd rather stick with Capers and Co.

I'll take Vinny over Charlie Casserly thank ya very much. Heck, I would take Spike the wonder dog over this group. The truth hurts, doesn't it?

awtysst
10-23-2005, 04:31 PM
That's an excellent suggestion and I want each and every one of you to know that under the new "Hervoyel" regime the Texans are going to play aggressive on both sides of the ball and I expect no problems whatsoever handling the additional GM duties.

I've got some announcements to make by the way so I'd like to go ahead and do that here during my hiring press conference.

First of all I've spoken with the GM of the Kansas City Chiefs and they've agreed to take Patrick Buchanon off of our hands so long as we include Travis Johnson in the deal. In return we're getting Derrick Johnson and a 3rd in next years draft.

We're starting Jerry DeLoach the rest of the season at TJ's spot and "Petey" Faggins is going to start for us the rest of the year on P-Burnts side. We'll address his eventual replacement in free agency.

DJ plugs right into Kailee Wongs spot on the inside. Yes I expect him to have some growing pains changing teams in the middle of the season. No I don't think anything he does can look bad when held up against what our linebackers have been giving us.

David Carr's my quarterback so everyone talking about drafting Leinart can settle down. We're going to draft a LT in the first next year. In the meantime this team is going to have a very limited passing game. I know it's going to be no fun to watch but the previous regime left me no choice. We can't protect him and he has no idea what a reasonable amount of time to hold the ball is. We're going to have to address this during the mini camps and training camp. Until then he's not going to be throwing anything longer than about twenty yards and he won't be dropping back more than three steps.

There will be more information on Monday morning after we get beat by the Colts. Yes I said we're going to get beaten by the Colts. That shouldn't come as any surprise to you people. Who in their right mind could possible expect a win against the only undefeated team in the NFL on the day after the owner hands over the team to a fan? I don't even have my coaching staff in place yet!

Speaking of which I need to check and see about something. Porky? You ready to be my defense coordinator? c'mon man, I need your help here and I need Vinny to coach the offense. You guys get back to me as soon as you can. Otherwise I'm going to look real stupid on the sideline tomorrow by myself.

Can I be the defensive coordinator?

Bubbajwp
10-23-2005, 04:54 PM
Oh wonderful...we'll get to here every game how Carr isn't Peyton Manning, and how everyone is perfect except for Carr. Please...I'd rather stick with Capers and Co.
Ouch.

Bubbajwp
10-23-2005, 04:57 PM
I make all the right trades in madden so maybe I should be GM :heh:

Bubbajwp
10-23-2005, 05:07 PM
Ha...that's almost as funny as our current coach.
WOW I knew I was funny but I didnt know I was that funny. I am honored :thankyou: I feel like I just won a :trophy:

Hervoyel
10-23-2005, 07:21 PM
Herv,

You are doing an excellent job my friend.

Just disagree with you on two things:

1--Petey is just as bad if not worse than PBuch. Petey gets burnt much too often. DBennett ate his lunch twice right in front of us during the Titan game.

2--You gotta pass or they will continue to line up a 8 man front like Seattle did and you can't run nor pass.


I was a defensive lineman for 6 years in school, so I would like to apply for the DLine coaching job!

bobby 119C

I see your point there touttail but honestly, Petey's all we have. We're going to get burned over there all year long and I don't think anyone here should be counting on seeing improvement this season. Sure in that respect I'll be doing no better than the current coaching staff. I admit that. I won't be lying to anyone about it though and two years from now if we haven't improved I'll voluntarily allow myself to be tarred and feathered before you run me out of town.

Same thing goes with the passing game. It's just not going to get better with the "parts" we have on hand and my new coaches don't have enough time to get things completely turned around this year. At best you're liable to see some passing in the last quarter of the season but that's probably going to be it. Mostly I just want to keep Carr upright the rest of the season. I'll worry about the rest of it when I get there.

Hervoyel
10-23-2005, 07:24 PM
Can I be the defensive coordinator?


I'm sorry I already offered the job to Porky. I mean, I'm not sorry I did it just that I'm sorry but the position is filled. Possibly he's looking for someone to coach the linebackers so you might want to send him a resume.

Bubbajwp
10-23-2005, 07:34 PM
I'm sorry I already offered the job to Porky. I mean, I'm not sorry I did it just that I'm sorry but the position is filled. Possibly he's looking for someone to coach the linebackers so you might want to send him a resume.
Just dont make me the oline coach.

Wharton
10-23-2005, 08:01 PM
Just dont make me the oline coach.

Can I be the o-line coach????

When I was in high school, the entire o-line ran the goal posts when one player missed his block. Let me tell ya, it worked wonders!!

We always had the best offensive line.

Considering the number of blocks these guys are missing, they will either become the best, or die of heat exhaustion! Either way, the problem will be solved!

rmartin65
10-23-2005, 08:12 PM
Special Teams coach?

BigBull17
10-26-2005, 03:07 PM
Yall couldnt possibally coach worse than Capers and Co. I almost hope this team goes un-undefeated so they can never find work in the NFL.

Double Barrel
10-26-2005, 03:20 PM
Just appoint me in charge of stadium music. I promise you will rock! :jam: :headbang: